Into the Mystic
by DKMulder
Summary: Bella Swan: recent college grad and future teacher; her life was turning out exactly as planned. Will all her dreams crumble when she shares one night with a perfect stranger, or will she get everything she never knew she wanted?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: ****This chapter is quite short and actually not very telling of the story to come, but every story has to start someplace. I had tossed around the idea of combining it with the next chapter, but chapter 2 is something of its own. If you make it through this one, I promise to do better. Trust me, you didn't want me to make this one longer.**

**Disclaimer: All characters and places in this story that also belong to the Twilight Universe do not belong to me. I claim no rights over any of them; they all belong to SM.**

"So you're gonna come, right?"

"What did I tell you last time? Parties and I just don't mix. Too many horny co-eds letting their hands wander as more of their drinks wind up on their shirts rather than down their throats."

"Bell-a…" Most of the time I loved my little sprite, but times like this her sing-song voice pushed me closer and closer to psychiatric imprisonment as I thought of ways to shut her up for good. Don't get me wrong; she is my best friend and confidant, but God love her, she is always talking me into situations I do not want to be a part of. I say no and Alice hears 'sure, lets go shopping now for a new dress and shoes that I would never-in-a-million-years-be-caught-dead-in so that I can look perfect for whatever situation you have brilliantly schemed up for me'. I thanked God the day she started dating her now fiancé, Jasper. Ever since he came into her life two and a half years ago, the brunt of her force has lightened up on me slightly. But only slightly.

"Are you forgetting? I'm legally a teacher now, hired three weeks ago, and expected to be a model citizen for all to look up to." This is one more thing I have to be grateful to Jasper for. His sister's husband is the phys-ed teacher at the school that hired me. Jasper heard about the opening and was able to land me an interview. Being able to use his brother-in-law as a reference and inside contact even though I had never met him, I got the job.

"Bella, you're expected to teach kids the difference between nouns and verbs, not hide away in a dusty attic until your va-jay-jay withers away. Live a little; you're a teacher, not a nun."

Why was I bothering? Alice would not give up until I told her I would come. She never gives in until she has her way. If there was anything I had learned from my roommate for the past four years at UW, it was that my life was much less complicated if I just went along with her hare brained ideas and dealt with the punches as they came. I was the perpetual pleaser, while Alice could charm a tick off a hound with the right smile and half a minute's talk.

"Seriously, it's one last hurrah, celebrating the final chapter of our college lives before you have to strap on the gray cardigans and red pens for eternity, and I have to wine and dine everybody who wants to be anybody." While I chose the humble little vocation of teaching, Alice found her calling in PR work. I knew she would be a huge success; she'd been running my life for years. "And besides, it's really not a college party. Jasper's cousin just got promoted and he's throwing a kegger." She ended with a one-shoulder shrug and slight smile, like the difference was vast and the party was nothing more than a few professionals getting together for a cocktail after work.

"Come on, Bella, you are going." I knew I was, but I couldn't let her powers go to her head, now could I? But in all honesty, as much as I loathed parties that centered on how much alcohol one can consume, I wanted to go with Alice. Our finals were last week, and in just two more weeks we would no longer be roomies. Alice was staying here in Seattle to be close to the firm she was now working for, while I was moving a forty-five minute drive away to a small little suburban town to start my new life. Still the outskirts of Seattle, but a completely different world than the one Alice would be living in. I would miss my pixie and my best friend and, to be honest, was a bit scared about what I would do without her at home every day. She was moving into Jasper's place, while I had no one.

"Where, exactly, are we going?" Alice squealed with delight at my admission; I was going.

"It's really not that far from the neighborhood you will be moving to; only about a twenty minute drive. Which is why I have also taken the liberty of setting up some appointments the following day to look at apartments. I know how much you've been stressing over moving, so I thought this would be the perfect time to look around since we'll already be there. I also have our rooms booked at a hotel not far from the party."

"You've really thought of everything, haven't you?"

"Yup. Your dress is still in the garment bag inside your closet, shoes at the bottom. You've left me no time to take you shopping, so I picked you up something the other day while I was out with Rose." Great. At least when I went, as much as I hate shopping, I stood a chance of having a small influence over what I would wear.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN - Drunk Bella likes to swear, as does Frustrated Bella, Nervous Bella and Angry Bella (which you will meet later), but none more than Drunk Bella. So if this type of thing upsets your delicate sensibilities, this may not be the story for you.**

**Disclaimer - Twilight is not mine. If it had been, you would find the films located in the dirty little back room of the movie store, not the kiddie section.**

So much for spending one last 'hurrah' with Alice before starting our 'adult' lives. I had spent maybe the first twenty minutes with her until she left me to my own devices. The party very much resembled a high school party, except instead of it being at some random teenager's parents' house, it was actually at the host's. Every room was crammed with bodies, and the music was too loud to actually hear anyone speak.

Alice took off after we each took a shot of Jack and got our first glass of beer. She mistook, as she so conveniently does, my beseeching facial pleas as a sign to make herself scarce while Mike 'just won't take no for an answer' Newton used every line he'd come across to attempt to impress me. The guy came out of nowhere and hadn't left my side once, no matter how many times I tried to flee. Every response I had given him had been short and hopefully not what he was expecting to hear. Just my luck; Mike liked a challenge and thought we'd be great together. Some guys just don't get it.

"So Bella, you live around here? Maybe I can take you out for dinner tomorrow?" Perhaps if he even once looked above my chest line, I might have considered it. Or not. Alice was dead, not only for Fucking Mike Newton, but for placing me in this mess to begin with. The dress she had picked out for me was rather tame compared to her usual flair. It was your basic, strapless, skin tight black dress that was cut just a smidge too low on top and barely covered my ass below. It wasn't the dress that had left me so uncomfortable, but rather the jeans and t-shirts everyone else was wearing.

"Sorry Mike, I'm from out of town and will be returning in the morning." There was no way in hell I was telling him that I was going apartment hunting for a place close by.

"Hmm, I suppose we should make the most of tonight then. Maybe, if you ask nicely, we can find a way to keep that dinner date…"

I didn't even know how to respond to that; my brain was trying to think of a tactful way to say hell no. I had started chugging down my beer shortly after Mike opened his mouth the first time and was now almost finished with my second glass. While I wasn't much of a drinker, I found it loosened my lips to say what needed to be said. I very quickly discovered liquid courage would be necessary to lose Mike tonight, as Alice certainly wasn't going to help me out. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of drinking was that it slowed my response time down when faced with utterly absurd remarks, like the one that just left Mike's mouth.

Before I could come up with a response, my entire back warmed and a tingle shot through my body from my center. "Hey Newton, heads up. Jessica just spotted you and is making her way over here right now. She's part pissed, part horny, and fully drunk."

I glanced up at the face that was responsible for this sudden electrical charge and was caught off guard by what was before me. If I hadn't been speechless before, I certainly was now. This Greek God was standing so close to me his body heat was beginning to melt my insides. His bronze hair was shooting in every which way, something I normally would have thought looked ridiculous, but on him seemed to be a call to my fingers. I wanted to touch that hair and tug that hair and lose myself in it forever. Or at least long enough to get off. And then there was his mouth. God, that mouth. Watching him speak suddenly caused a flood in my panties that I should've been slightly ashamed of. For Christ's sake, he wasn't even talking to me, or saying anything that would normally turn me on. In fact, he's talking to Fucking Mike Newton. Shit, he probably thinks we're together. Damn it. Fuck.

Speaking of fuck, I thought those gorgeous green eyes were begging me to fuck him. And he smelled so good. I could fucking smell him and it was turning me on even more. I've heard the expression sex on a stick, but I swear I had never before in my life experienced an encounter that challenged my abilities to not take off my clothes and beg for a fucking like this, this…. I didn't even know what he was.

Okay, I wasn't a slut. In fact, Alice wasn't far off when she aggravatingly referred to me as Sister Bella. I'd only been with three guys, and I was in a serious relationship with all three. But, I would saw off my right arm to have sex with this guy. Well, maybe not my right as that was my go to hand for when the pressure was too much. Maybe a leg? I didn't need two legs, right?

"Oh, shit." I was pulled out of my mental escapades by Mike's reaction. I could see the fight or flight impulse radiating out of his now frightened eyes. "Thanks for the heads up, Edward. I'm sorry, Bella, I gotta go. I'll try to meet up with you later so you can get my number at the very least."

And just like that, Fucking Mike Newton was gone.

I turned to my savior to thank him, but he beat me to it. "Hi, I'm Edward." Did I mention his voice was pure crimson silk and completely capable of leaving me mute? I stood there like some sort of drone as I stared wantonly at his glorious chest covered by a black t-shirt that was doing wonders for his form. My eyes started to drift even lower to his dark-washed jeans before his voice brought them back to his face and the fire to my cheeks.

"And you're response should be, 'nice to meet you, Edward. My name is Bella," he snorted at my tongue tied expression. "If you'd like, I can go get Mike back for you…"

"No!" That snapped me out of my trance. "God no, please don't!" I realized half a second too late what my words sounded like. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean it that way. He must be one of your friends…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Edward chuckled at my continued embarrassment before replying. "Newton? Hell no. He's more of a nuisance than anything –like a fucking mosquito buzzing around your head."

I giggled at his remark. Yes, that's right, I fucking giggled at the man like a little school girl. "It looked like you could use a little help. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help noticing how utterly frustrated you looked standing here talking to him," he ended with a smile that resulted in my panties no longer being any sort of barrier to the pool of liquid I now felt dripping down my thighs.

"Well, in that case, thank you so much for saving me. That guy cannot take a hint. I've been trying for that past hour to let him down easy, but in his mind our future sex is imminent."

"We can't have that, now can we?"

"Not if I want to remain somewhat sane for the remainder of my life." This time, it was Edward's turn to laugh. I couldn't help it, I swooned. Apparently Edward mistook my swooning as almost fainting. How fucking embarrassing.

His hands reached out to steady me, slightly gripping my forearms. "Are you alright? You should sit down."

"No, I'm fine. It's just that Mike hasn't let me move in so long that I think my legs fell asleep. I need to move." Smooth save, Swan. "I need another drink, you need anything?"

He dazzled me with his smile again before responding. "Aren't I supposed to be the one asking you that? Come on." As we turned to get another beer, he slid one arm around my back. I cast a quick look back up to his eyes with one eyebrow arched at the gesture. God help me, I'd let this man touch any part of my body that he wanted, but that didn't mean I was going to tell him that. Maybe later. "Just in case, I wouldn't want you falling on me, now would I?"

We got our drinks and several more as we passed the night away together. I can't remember everything, or much of anything, that we talked about, but I know we just clicked. Everyone has that, don't they? Where they just meet some random stranger and it's like the cosmos lined up perfectly in union for that one moment. That one moment was turning out to be the best night of my life, Fucking Mike Newton and all. I had never laughed so much with another person, but Edward kept me laughing so hard my side was aching for relief. And the funny thing was, I seemed to have the same effect on him. Not only was this a drop dead gorgeous guy who rendered my panties unsalvageable hours ago, but he was witty and charming and seemingly intelligent.

It came as no surprise when I agreed to dance with him. Despite my complete lack of coordination, the thought of being pressed up against his hard body for any length of time outweighed the risk of embarrassing myself further by falling and destroying anything within a five foot radius, including myself. Or even worse, injuring Edward. I rolled the dice for this one night of my life. We danced and swayed for I don't know how long, never putting more than a millimeter between our bodies. At one point, he caught me off guard as he picked me up off my feet and twirled us around so fast that I flung my head back in surprise and shrieked with laughter. It was at that moment that I felt his warm, moist breath on my neck, followed closely by the mouth I had been obsessing over since I'd first seen it almost three hours earlier. My spiels of laughter very quickly turned into a loud moan that would have been embarrassing if not for the still-loud music.

Edward pulled away while gazing into my eyes and took that perfect bottom lip between his teeth. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. You're so damn beautiful." I cut him off before he was finished by yanking his head back down to mine. Standing on my tip-toes, I crushed my lips to his, trying to get closer, although I don't think it was possible. My hands slid from his shoulders up into that same hair I had been fantasizing about earlier, and God was it luxurious between my fingers. Edward wasted no time adjusting to this new situation, sliding his arms more tightly around my back and pushing just as hard against my mouth. From there, all time was lost as we continued to devour each other. Edward had moved one hand to my ass, pulling me into his groin, while the other was lost in my own hair, anchoring my face to his.

"Christ, get a room, would ya?" The suggestion was enough to break me out of the spell, but only because I wholeheartedly agreed and thought I should bring it up to him. I did my best to untangle my lips and tongue from his. While I was gasping for air, Edward continued his exploration by placing open-mouthed kisses on every inch of skin available to him without dislodging our bodies.

"Why don't we?" He paused to pull back, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Get a room. There must be a bedroom in this place." Before I had finished saying bedroom, Edward had picked me up and was heading towards the staircase in the back corner of the large room, mouth once again firmly attached to mine. It took a few tries, but eventually we found a door that led to an unoccupied room. And it had a bed.

I would love to be able to look back on that sexcapade and say it was slow, sweet and sensual. But, from what I remember of it, it wasn't. It was raw, primal, hot, sweaty, fast fucking. And it was the most amazing sex I had ever had. Let's just say my previous encounters were less than generous, but even still, I don't think Fucking Bradley Cooper could stand up to Edward.

Before the door was fully closed, he had my zipper down on the back of my dress. He stood me on my own feet very carefully, as I was once again swooning and not bothering to hide it, before using one hand to push the hot little black number down my body. His other hand was making fast work of the bra snaps. All the while, his tongue never left my mouth.

When it finally seeped through to my brain that I was almost completely naked and he was still fully dressed, he started to pull away. I tried to reach for his belt, but he was slowly lowering his body down mine, bringing that fucking hot mouth with him. I didn't have too much time to cry at the loss, however, as I very quickly felt the searing heat of that mouth close around one of my nipples. This worked for me; I could put my hands back in his hair. Eventually, I got my wits back and realized the time I had wasted. Releasing his hair, I reached down and grabbed whatever I could of his t-shirt and started yanking. The downside of this was that he had to release my breast in order to get the shirt off, but this was quickly overlooked as he began mumbling "so fucking perfect" over and over against my skin as his mouth made its way back to mine. Realizing I had been in this position before, I quickly learned from my previous mistake and made fast work of his belt and pants, shoving them to the floor as soon as I got the fly down.

Edward reached down and pulled one of my legs up around his waist, bringing my completely saturated center into almost direct contact with his searing cock. Good God, I almost came from that alone. I kid you not, a tremor went through my body the second his hard cock rubbed against me through our matching underwear. That's right, we fucking matched. Both of us were wearing black underwear: mine bikini, his boxer-briefs. And now, he even had a wet spot where we were meshed together, just like me.

Before it started, it was done as he pushed me not so gently down onto the bed and dropped to his knees. He grasped my calves and yanked both knees over his shoulders. I didn't have very much time to think about this as he dove his nose right into my panty-covered crotch. And then, I am ashamed to say it, I did come

No man had ever gone down on me before. Not that I was a prude, but it just hadn't happened. I had wondered about it with my first boyfriend but was always too afraid to ask, and he certainly never brought it up. I had tried to direct my second boyfriend down there, but he flat out refused: no way, not gonna do it, never suggest it again. I didn't even bother with my latest mishap. What the hell had I been missing out on? All he did was nuzzle his nose into my aching, hot clit and groaned before my hips were off the bed and I was shattering to pieces.

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned again before resting his forehead on my belly, right were my panties met my skin. He slowly lowered each leg to the floor before bringing my panties down one leg at a time. He took his time coming back up as he sucked and nibbled and soothed every inch of my leg, causing me to scream when he bit the inside of my thigh, right at the juncture, before sucking it and circling the skin repeatedly with his tongue. Then the bastard skipped where I wanted him to be to place opened mouth kisses on my hips and everywhere in between. You wouldn't have known I had just had an orgasm by the whimper that escaped my mouth when he skipped over where I so badly needed his tongue to be. The bastard had the nerve to chuckle at my frustration.

"Don't worry, baby, its coming. Just let me have my moment."

Oh, God. How could I deny him his moment? And did he just call me baby? Just as I was trying to lift my body to look at the face between my legs, he was there, licking and sucking and thrusting that glorious tongue in and out of me. I gave up every coherent thought as my head thrashed and my hands alternately twisted in the sheets and his hair as I tried to bring him closer. And then I was there, flying one more time. Fuck!

I may have passed out, because the next thing I knew I was lying at the head of the bed with Edward resting along the length of me on his side, patiently tapping a condom against his thigh while he waited for me to recover. Once I got my wits about me, I rolled onto my side, throwing a leg over his and reattaching my mouth to his. I could taste myself on him. And fuck me if it wasn't the most erotic flavor to ever fall upon my lips.

"Edward," was that really my voice that sounded so whiny? "God, I need you inside of me. Now!" He tore himself away from my mouth to quickly fumble with the wrapper of the condom. I, on the other hand, could not stop rubbing my entirely naked, sweaty body against his equally naked body.

"Bella, baby, if you don't stop doing what you're doing, this will be over before it begins." I recognized the hint of pleading in his voice and immediately rolled away from him. Even as I lay there, still as could be, I could not control my erratic heartbeat or the gasping breaths I was taking. Finally, with condom firmly in place, he lunged himself between my legs, where I had wanted him to be since the moment I first laid eyes on him. Wasting no more precious seconds, I reached down to grasp his throbbing cock in my hand and guided him into me. Our mouths broke apart at the onslaught of sensations with that first thrust into me.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

Somehow, in his haze, he was able to reach down and pull at my thigh. Letting instinct dictate, I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist, locking my ankles against his ass. The difference in how far into me he was was staggering, and I could not control the clawing of his back or the bite I left on his shoulder. Too quickly, my third orgasm of the night ripped through me when he reached down and brushed his thumb against my clit. If my brain had been working at all, how quickly I kept coming would have mortified me. But shit, at that moment, I didn't care. All that mattered was that, miraculously, my orgasm continued to ripple through me, and Edward had not stopped pounding into me despite all the grunts and moans leaving both our mouths.

Finally, his movements became erratic, and I was slightly thankful when he finally did come, because I was not sure how much more my body could take. I already felt like one more second of stimulation would set off an explosion. And, to be frank, I had already had more explosions since entering this room than I ever had with a man. Ever. No man had ever gotten me off; I've seriously considered drawing a map several times.

Apparently Edward had a built-in GPS.

We both lay there panting for countless minutes, me with my hands wrapped loosely around his back and him with his forehead tucked into the dip in my neck. Finally, I felt him pull away from my body and remove himself from the bed. I let him go, though it tore me a part. I suddenly felt very foolish and squeezed my eyes shut at the feelings of loss and humiliation that were bubbling up beneath my surface.

Moments later, I felt the bed dip down again, as well as a rustling of fabric. I chanced a look to my right and saw that he had pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed and had climbed in. Wordlessly, he beckoned me over to the crisp, dry sheets. I moved over to him without hesitating before he tucked me into him. Once again, I lay on my back, while he lay at my side, resting his head on my heart with one arm holding me tightly to him and one leg tossed over both of mine. One of my hands was slowly caressing the arm that was holding me to him, while the other was rubbing slow circles at the nape of his neck, luxuriating in the silky feel of his slightly damp hair. The last thing I vaguely remember before sleep took me was the press of his lips to the side of my breast.

Something was shaking me, and something wonderful was pressing me down into the bed. I was starting to become aware of the world around me, but God, how I wanted to push the shaking away and go back to sleep.

"Bella, come on, you have to wake up." I cautiously opened one eye to see Alice standing over the bed, shaking the shoulder Edward wasn't laying on. "Bella, if we don't leave now, we are going to miss the first appointment." I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I never spoke that way to Alice. Really, all I wanted at that moment was a few more hours of sleep, and maybe another round with Edward. Of course, that would mean facing him in the morning, while he was sober. Oh God. What if he thought this was a mistake? What if he thought it was just a quick fuck? I guess it technically was, but no one had ever made me feel the way he did, and I'm not just talking about the sex. I didn't want to know what he was going to think of this. Thank God for Alice; I needed to get out of here, fast.

"You're awfully lucky I don't swing your way, Belly, or I might just have to climb in with ya." Her words, smirk and deliberate glance made me look down to see what she was speaking of. Shit. Thank God it was Alice who walked in here and not some stranger, not Fucking Mike Newton. While Edward's head was resting on my right breast, all of my left one was hanging out for the world to see, as was the expanse of Edward's back and top half of his ass before the edge of the sheets began. I mentally thanked God for strategic arm placement, as Edward's muscular arm covered most of my nether regions from Alice's view.

"Could you turn around for a minute, Alice?" I whispered with as much force as I could.

"Why, it's nothing I haven't seen before," she smirked again before, thankfully, turning her back to us. As carefully as I could manage, I twisted myself out of his grasp and dressed haphazardly. Despite my frantic efforts, I could not find my panties anywhere in the dark, so I decided they would take one for the team and abandoned them. Knowing that I, in all likelihood, would never see Edward again, I took one last, long look at his beautiful body and face before turning with Alice and fleeing the room.


	3. Chapter 3

"Alice, are you almost ready?" A little more than a month had passed since The Night, as Alice and I referred to it. I don't think more than thirty seconds could go by without some thought of Edward popping into my brain. Although I knew the odds of ever seeing him again were slim, and that he probably wasn't thinking of me in the same obsessive manner that I thought of him, I still could not shake the powerful grip he had on me.

The morning we had crept out of the party house, Alice hounded me for every last detail. I was thankful I didn't have to lie when I told her the night was pretty fuzzy. Of course, since then I had pieced together nearly every detail. At least I thought so. I had barely been able to get a word in edgewise that morning, but I had asked her if she knew who he was; of course she didn't.

"Honey," I remembered her telling me, "With that ass and pretty little face of his, I don't think I would ever forget." She noticed the brief look of despair that crossed my face. "Maybe Jasper knows him. I'll ask him tonight." Jasper had no clue as to who my mystery Edward was, either. Some things were never meant to be.

I was brought out of my reverie when Alice barrel by me to the door. "Come on, Belly, we're gonna be late." I rolled my eyes at the back of her head - as if I were the one that always kept us running fashionably late. We were meeting Jasper, some of his family and friends for dinner at one of the nicer restaurants downtown. His parents were celebrating their thirtieth wedding anniversary and wanted a small dinner rather than a party. Of course Alice was invited, as she was their soon to be daughter-in-law, but I had been reluctant to go. All that passed, however, when she assured me I would not be the only non-relative at the table. Jasper's sister and brother-in-law would be in attendance, along with some of their friends.

The drive to the restaurant was quick and painful, as was always the case when Alice drove. Jasper and Jake waited patiently at the front door for us as the valet took our car. Jake was not my boyfriend, but I never really liked being the third wheel and he always liked to eat, so I asked him to be my date for the evening. It didn't surprise me at all when he led me by the hand to our table or draped his arm across the back of my chair. Jake and I had been best friends since we were in diapers and he had always been quite tactile. I didn't see him while I was living with my mom in Phoenix, but when she died and I had to move back to Forks with Charlie, it was Jake who helped put me back together again. I had always been aware of the crush he had on me, but it didn't affect our easy friendship.

When we got to the table, Jasper's parents and two other older couples were already seated and chatting amicably. We took our seats and made short work of introductions. Seated opposite us at the long table were a couple who had been friends of the Hale's for several decades, next were Jasper's parents, followed by three empty seats. Back on our side of the table, Jasper sat to the right of his father's colleague and his wife, while Alice sat beside him. I was next with Jake on my right, followed by an empty chair.

Jasper had just asked about his sister Rose when she appeared with Emmett and their friends. I had never met Rosalie Hale, but I would have known her immediately; the family resemblance was very strong between the siblings. She had long golden hair that was a bit wavy, in the exact hue and thick texture as Jasper's locks. Her body, of course, was every man's wet dream. While she was very slim, her body was full of curves I knew men appreciated (not to mention the junk she stored in her trunk). On her arm was her husband Emmett, one huge hulk of a guy. He may have been the first man I had seen up close that could easily give Jake a run for his money when it came to size and brute; both men were built like Neanderthals. Slightly behind Rosalie, I could barely make out another blonde, this one strawberry, hanging onto the arm of her companion, who was completely hidden by Emmett. From what I could see of her, she was gorgeous as well. There must be a club for beautiful people that you were automatically entered into if you were heavenly enough, which mandates that all gods and goddesses should congregate together to make the plain folk feel totally insecure about their shortcomings.

Introductions were quickly made by Rose and Jasper as the foursome took their seats. Emmett sat beside Jake and the other three sat across from us. Of course, I missed every word that was spoken when I got a look at who the mystery guy behind Emmett was. It was him, the guy, Edward, from The Night, or That Night, or whatever the hell you wanted to call it. Our eyes locked instantly, and he looked just as shocked to see me as I was to see him. Of course, he pulled himself together quicker than I could. I felt a flush overtake my face and I was worried that I was going to hyperventilate. I dropped my eyes and stared hard at the crystal goblet of water in front of me, trying to push back the blackness that was trying to overtake my vision. Thankfully, I was not forced to look directly at him. He sat across from Emmett at the end of the table, while Rose sat across from me with the strawberry blonde bitch in between. That's right, I'd already decided she was a bitch.

Dinner was a complete blur as I spent the entirety of it in shock. I could barely make out my surroundings or taste the few measly bites of food that I had been able to swallow past what felt like a brick in the back of my throat. The only things I was aware of were the sympathetic looks from Alice, along with her supportive squeezes to my thigh, and Jake's furnace-quality body heat. He mistook my trembling as a chill and immediately moved his arm from the back of the chair to my shoulders, running his warm hands up and down my arm. I didn't mind. In fact, I took refuge in his arms, shrinking into his side for the remainder of dinner. Luckily, people gave up trying to get a coherent reply from me after the first couple of questions went completely unanswered. Other than that, about the only things seeping into my consciousness were the constant, nauseating giggle that emanated from Satan's wife on the other side of the table, and the way she constantly batted her eyes at_ him_, and carefully wiped a crumb from _his_ jaw, and the way she wantonly leaned into _him_. I said I didn't have to look at him, not that I wouldn't.

I must have looked a little green, which made sense as I was sure I was about to hurl, because Jake asked if I was okay.

"I'm not feeling well," was about all I could manage.

"Do you want me to take you home?" That brought me out of my fog enough to realize he had offered me an escape. I turned to Alice, who hadn't missed a thing. Bless my pixie's heart, she gave a slight smile before she hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek goodbye.

"Mrs. and Mr. Hale, congratulations once again on your anniversary," I said. "I hope you will excuse me; I'm not feeling very well and think I'm going to head home."

"Of course, dear. It was a pleasure seeing you again. We hope you're feeling better soon."

I knew they were being sincere; the worry had been evident in their eyes every time they glanced my way during dinner. I thanked them again as I nearly sprinted from the table with Jake hot on my heels.

I thanked Jake for the ride home and refused the offer of his company. I didn't need anyone hovering over me. I was staying at the apartment I had shared with Alice. While she had moved out a few weeks ago, and I was almost completely moved into my new place, our lease wasn't up until next month so it made sense for me to stay here for the weekend. Almost everything was out of the apartment, but we still had the pull-out couch, a table and chairs and a television here. I had bought new while Jasper already had his own.

I decided to take a hot, steamy shower that I had hoped would have lasted much longer, but I had to fight with my head long enough to warm up. For some reason, the steam was causing extreme vertigo. Maybe I was actually getting sick. I suppose this should have been a blessing as the dizzy spells left me unable to think about the disaster otherwise known as dinner.

I shakily left the shower, barely pulling on a t-shirt and pair of panties before stumbling my way to the pull-out in the living room. While I did shed a few tears, I quickly succumbed to a blissful sleep.

Sometime later, I heard the tumble of locks giving way as Alice crept into the apartment. I feigned sleep as she quickly brushed the hair from my forehead before disappearing into the bathroom. As soon as I heard the water come on from the shower, the tears started pouring from my eyes. I wasn't sure what, exactly, I was crying over. Hell, I barely even cried over my prior boyfriends. Sure, I shed a tear or two when I found out Tyler had been cheating on me with that bitch Lauren, but then I had just cause to feel a little betrayed. But I only knew this guy for a few sweet hours. Yes, it had been an absofuckinglutely amazing night, but he was still essentially a stranger. My body seemed to know him, and if I were to believe in such things, I would say my soul recognized his, but I knew nothing about him that really mattered. I didn't know his last name, what he did for a living, how old he was, how long he had been with the strawberry blonde skank, or or who she was. _Ugh_!

This made no sense whatsoever. I was crying for the man I lost but never had. I was crying because I was so fucking frustrated and I didn't know why. I was crying because I felt like my life was spinning out of control. Rational Isabella Swan did not have emotional breakdowns. The confusion and tumultuous feelings that swirled through me left me unsettled. I think that scared me more than anything. I was a hormonal wreck.

By the time Alice came out of the bathroom, my tears had dried and I was staring in a blind stupor. She climbed into the bed behind me, wrapping her strong little arms around my tense frame. If I had been my normal self, I would have smirked at the thought of Alice spooning me.

"How you feeling?"

"I don't know," I shrugged beneath her arms. "I'll be fine. It was just the shock of seeing him, ya know? I wasn't expecting it."

"Yeah, I know. I know you Bella - your actions that night were so far out of character that I never would have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. That being said, I know he must have been pretty special, or you never would have slept with him. You've never been easy, even with guys you really liked. Maybe you don't quite know how to reconcile what happened that night. And, since you can't fit your actions into your neat and orderly world, seeing him again tilted your already fragile axis."

I had to admit, what she said made sense, and made the crazy butterflies in my stomach settle a bit. Perhaps this new perspective would help with all the confusion I had been experiencing.

"I think you are right, Alice," I whispered back to her, too afraid to speak any louder. "I know I never really talked to you about him, but there was something between us - and I don't mean the sex. I've never experienced that with anyone before and I'm afraid I never will again." I didn't have anything else to say; what else was there?

We spent several minutes in silence, and I thought our conversation was over for the night until I heard Alice clear her throat before speaking. "He asked about you after you left." She paused to gauge my reaction, which was nonexistent. "I wasn't going to tell you because I didn't want to upset you any more than what you already were. But I think, maybe it will make you feel a bit better. His eyes followed you out of that restaurant, and then he asked me if you were all right. I didn't know what to tell him or what anybody knew. For that matter, I didn't really know what he was asking, but I was pretty sure it wasn't concern for your health that caused the lost look on his face. I didn't know what you would want me to say, so I just told him you needed some rest. Belly, I don't know what's going on with him and Tanya, and God, I hope I'm not making this worse for you, but I really believe that he feels the same way about you. Whatever you were feeling, so was he. The two of you may never have a chance, but what you shared was real."

I had nothing to say to that, either. I wasn't even sure how it made me feel. The least I could do was ease Alice's fears. "Thank you, Alice." She answered with a tight squeeze of her arms and a soft kiss to my cheek. After that, I quickly dropped off into a deep sleep.

The very next thing I was aware of was the blinding light coming in from the window and a churning in my gut. I could hear Alice moving around in the kitchen. Before I even had a chance to open my eyes, I was racing to the bathroom to empty the meager contents of my stomach.

"Belly? Are you okay?" I could see Alice hesitating in the doorway, not sure if she wanted to enter or not. I tried to answer, but dry heaves had gripped me tight and were not letting go. Alice grabbed a cold washcloth and began wiping the beads of sweat from my hairline as I shook and continued to convulse. "Jesus, Bella." Finally, the heaving subsided, and I collapsed against my friend's tiny frame. My body was shaking so badly I could not support my own weight.

"Maybe I really was sick last night. That would make me feel a little bit better. You know how I'm always emotional when I get sick."

"Maybe," she agreed with me, but didn't sound convinced that this latest turn of events had anything to do with my reactions last night.

"No, I really think I was. I tried taking a shower when I got home and couldn't because I was too dizzy. It makes so much sense." At least it did to me. Finally, I could see my ducks finding their place in neat little rows.

The following two days brought more of the same. There were plenty of moments during the day when I felt absolutely fine, unfortunately, all of those moments were spent sleeping. And then, like the flip of a switch, my stomach would twist and I was expelling all of its contents once again. It was a vicious, ugly cycle.

Alice had insisted on staying with me at our old apartment, only leaving my side to go to work during the day. Fortunately, I had saved enough money to be able to take the summer off before starting my new job in mid-August.

Alice repeated her routine that she had perfected with the washcloth on the third morning. "Bella?" _Uh oh,_ Alice's voice sounded nervous, so I knew I did not want to hear what was coming. "I think you need to go see a doctor."

"Don't be ridiculous, Al. It's just food poisoning."

"I don't think its food poisoning, Belly."

"What are you talking about? Of course it is." _What else could it be?_ "I suppose I could have picked up a virus somewhere, but a doctor can't do anything about it."

"When was the last time you had your period?" _What!?!_ She could not possibly be insinuating what I thought she was. I hadn't been with anyone in almost eight months except Edward. And that one time that we had sex, we used a condom. "Bella, we have shared the same cycle for almost four years now. I know you missed your period last month."

"In case you missed it, Al, I've kind of been under a lot of stress. I just got a new job, graduated from college, had to move by myself to an unknown place and had to find said place, not to even mention Edward. It's no wonder I missed my period."

"Yes, I agree you have been under a lot of pressure. But you, more than anyone I have ever known, have always handled stress with ease and have never been late for even half a day. You have to see that, Belly."

"I'm not pregnant. We used a condom." I tried to sound confident even though my ducks were suddenly swimming in mass chaos.

"Condoms don't always work. I think you should at least consider the possibility. Think about it: you've been sick every day, experiencing dizzy spells and sleeping almost nonstop. Just take a test to at least ease my mind."

"All right. I'll take a test, but only to prove to you that it's food poisoning and nothing more."

That was the only possibility there was. I was not that girl. I had never made a rash decision in my life, save one. I was the one who took care of my parents. I was the one who organized all the fundraisers for the high school yearbook. I was the one who volunteered at the pediatric hospital every Saturday for the past two and a half years. I was the one who paid my bills the minute they arrived in the mail. I was not that girl who got herself into trouble, oblivious to the turmoil that would ripple from my careless mistakes.

"Thank you." I watched in horror as she pulled the tell-tale rectangular box from behind her back. Shit, someone just fired a gun and now the ducks were flying away.

"When the hell did you get that?"

"This morning when I went for coffee. I started to have my suspicions yesterday, and I know you are supposed to take the test with the first pee of the day. So, here you go. At least we'll know in a few minutes." I stared at her in shock, trying to figure out when I fell down this rabbit hole and who the hell was now living my life, because this certainly wasn't it. She shoved the box into my hands, kissed me on my forehead and turned to leave. "I'll give you a minute."

I didn't understand how any of this was happening, it was all so surreal. I took the test and stood there looking at it for a couple of minutes. The instructions said to wait for five minutes before reading the results, and I couldn't take it anymore, so I high-tailed it out of there.

Alice was leaning against the wall on the other side of the door. She shot up as soon as I opened the door. "Well?"

"I don't know. It says you have to wait five minutes. It's only been a couple." She grasped my hand and pulled my still numb body into the kitchen. She quickly placed a steaming mug of coffee into my hands after pushing me down into a chair. Next thing I knew, she had a warm bagel with my favorite cream cheese spread on a plate before me. With a gentle nudge from her, I tentatively picked up the bagel and brought it to my lips. Surprisingly, once I took one bite, I couldn't get enough.

"Bella, it's been more than five minutes." I stared at her, not knowing if I could look at the results. "Do you want me to look?" God bless her, she always knew what I needed. I nodded my head once before she stood and left the room. Eighty-seven staggering breaths later, she was back.

I knew from her expression as soon as she was back at the table. She didn't even need to say anything. Her eyes had teared up and she gave me a tight-lipped grin before I lost it. My body was no longer stable enough to even sit upright; I crumbled to the floor, sobs tearing from my throat with a frightening intensity.

My pixie's strong little arms were around me once again, holding me together until I had to race to the bathroom to dispose of the bagel I had just finished. When I was through, I turned on the tap to splash some cold water on my face. There on the counter, mocking me, was the little stick with a plus sign. What the hell was I going to do?

Although I was completely pro-choice, I could not even entertain the idea of aborting my baby. It was a part of Edward, the only part I had. I guess that ruled out adoption as well, didn't it? Who was I kidding? I could never live a day to day existence if I gave this baby up.

But that didn't mean I was happy about it. I really didn't know what this would mean for me. I had just been hired, not even a day on the job or a month out of school, and I was an unwed, pregnant statistic. Who knew if I would even have a job when I told my boss about this? I wasn't actually living up to the role model responsibilities for my future fifth grade students. What would they think about their pregnant, single teacher?

And that was just my professional life. Personally, I had been an emotional wreck this past month. How could I take care of a baby when I couldn't even hold myself together? Although, I suppose I really could ascribe my craziness to hormones now. There's a bright side to everything, right?

I emerged from the bathroom feeling slightly better than I had before I went in. At least I had accepted that I was going to have a baby; I just didn't know what it would mean for me. But who the hell does? How many people had I come across who planned every pregnancy? Actually, I think the majority of the pregnancies that I knew about were surprises. If it weren't for the uncertainty of my job, I might actually be happy right now. It's not as if I never wanted children. Of course, I always thought a few things would happen first, such as falling in love and getting married. But oh well. I had just observed the other night that what I shared with Edward could never be duplicated. Why wait for some man who could not be my soul mate to have a baby with when I could have Edward's, even if I couldn't have him? That thought actually brought a small smile to my face, which was what Alice saw when I walked back into the kitchen.

"Bella, I just want you to know, if there is anything you need, I am here for you. You can even move back in with Jasper and me and we'll help you raise the baby if you want. You're not alone right now, Bell."

I smiled sweetly at her, knowing she meant every word. "Thank you, Alice. I know you'll always be here for me. I can do this. I am going to do this. It won't be easy, but I guess it's not supposed to be." She smiled her biggest toothy smile before pulling me into another bone-crushing hug and squealing in my ear.

"Belly, I'm so excited. You're going to have a baby!"

I chuckled with her, feeling the happiness bubble up through me for the first time in over a month.


	4. Chapter 4

The following month was a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. I was hardly aware of my surroundings at any given moment, which was mostly a blessing as those around me were clearly clones from an alternate universe. Alice and Jasper were just as supportive as she had said they would be. Although I had refused to officially move in with them, I spent just about every moment at their place. I wasn't running from my issues, I just really needed someone else to take the reins for the time being. Alice, in her singsong chirp, kept reminding me that my job was to gestate; she would handle the details.

And therein lay the problem; gestating was really taking its toll on me. Alice had insisted on getting me an appointment with an ob-gyn the minute reality set in on the day we discovered I was pregnant. Apparently, she knew a lady who knew a doctor and decided to make the appointment before I resurfaced from my next trip to the restroom. Late spring must be a popular time to get pregnant as the doctor couldn't see me for another two and a half weeks. So, for those incredibly long seventeen days, I was aware of nothing but the back of my eyelids and the inside of Alice's toilet bowl.

My first appointment was on July 3rd. By my calculations, I was exactly two months pregnant by that point as the date of conception was May 3rd. My doctor, Dr. Ferenti, did not agree. I had tried to argue that May 3rd was the only option for date of conception. While he didn't dispute my claims, my calculations of being just short of nine weeks were completely discarded as he informed me I was actually ten and a half weeks. How they could count those first two weeks before there was even a union of egg and sperm cells was a mystery to me. I was so far out of my comfort zone that I missed most of what he was telling me.

All hope of my redeeming myself flew out the window when we heard the rapid whooshing of the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler. The Jolly Green Giant himself could have taken over for Dr. Ferenti at that point and I would not have noticed. So far, pregnancy had really only been a nuisance with the morning sickness and non-stop fatigue. Some days, it was hard to remember that the suffering would actually end with something good, my baby. Hearing the heartbeat made it real and worth every second of the torture I had endured. That tiny pitter-patter of a heartbeat became my sole reason for existence the second it reached my ears and I had no time to pay attention to anything else around me.

One more reason to be eternally grateful for best friends; Alice caught everything I missed and filled him in on just how bad my morning sickness had been while I stared blankly at the walls. Now, as well as the giant horse pills I have to swallow that are supposedly prenatal vitamins, I also have a wonderful little script to help with the nausea. The only great news I really grasped onto was that morning sickness usually subsides at the end of the first trimester, which I had found out I was only two and a half weeks away from at that point.

As I eased into the fourteenth week, the morning sickness had subsided, as well as the eternal sleepiness. My new found alertness brought with it 'Organized Bella', which was a role I was very familiar with. I made a list a few nights ago while Jaz and Alice were out for the evening on how to take my life back. I loved my friends dearly, but I was a grown woman who needed to get back to her life, version 2.0.

First up on my list was to move back into my apartment, which was easier said than done. While I wasn't officially living with Jasper and Alice, enough of my stuff had relocated to their spare bedroom that no other visitor could comfortably say they were sleeping in the guest bedroom had anyone chose to visit.

Second on my list was to tell those who needed to know that I was pregnant. The uncertain period where a miscarriage was likely to occur, if at all, was over and if I didn't say something quickly, people would figure it out on their own with just a quick glance at my midsection. To the naked eye, I wasn't showing yet. But I was certain the tiny little swell that had taken residence on my lower abdomen was only likely to grow as the weeks marched on. Charlie needed to know, I just wasn't sure how to tell him. I knew he had always wanted this for me, but certainly not at this point in my life. I just hoped finding out he was going to be a grandfather would not cause an early heart attack.

I also had to inform my new boss of the situation. While I was excited about having the baby, I'm still not blinded by the fact that an unwed, pregnant first time teacher was not the ideal candidate for ten year olds to look up to. I prayed I'd still have a job next month.

I made quick work of my appointments. I scheduled a meeting with my boss to discuss 'personal issues' for Wednesday and Charlie was expecting me home the following Friday for the weekend. I convinced Jake to go with me for moral support.

Jake was the only person who knew, besides Alice and Jasper. At first, he had been pissed. I had not been the greatest friend to him, or anyone for that matter, for the past several weeks. His endless voicemails and texts were becoming shorter and snarkier as time went on. I wasn't deliberately avoiding him, but the few precious moments I had of actually being lucid and not on my knees in the bathroom were usually spent relaxing with popcorn and Alice on the couch. I called him back several times, but I didn't always have much time for him.

All hell broke loose on the night of his 21st birthday. For months, he had been planning this big shindig where a group of us would go barhopping the night away, getting totally plastered. Out of the blue, he showed up at Alice's to pick me up, figuring that I was staying there for reasons unknown, only to discover my barely conscious self still in bed at 7:00 on a Friday night.

He yelled, I let him.

He cursed, I dozed.

Much of the one-sided conversation was still a blur to me, as he caught me during one of my cat-naps, but I knew at one point Alice jumped in to fight my side for me. I'm not sure what all was said, but I can clearly recall Alice's sweet voice barking "Jesus Christ, she's pregnant Jake! Leave her the hell alone." I think I remember that so well because it was the last thing said before he stormed out.

I didn't hear from Jacob for a few days. If I had been the friend I should have been, I would have cared more. Instead, I just slept and made Alice buy me cake batter ice-cream from Cold Stone Creamery by the pint. God, that shit's good! True to his patterns, almost a week later he showed up begging for forgiveness. There really wasn't much to forgive; I hadn't been the greatest friend either, so I figured we were both guilty.

From that moment on, Jake had been smothering me. Every spare minute he had, he made sure I was not exerting one iota of energy that didn't need to be spent. I couldn't say that it bothered me. As much as my old self would have scoffed at the notion, the new Bella didn't mind others running her life. Well, that was until I decided to take it back beginning with the list. Jake and Alice were items number 3 and 4; I just wasn't sure which one was which.

All my planning was what brought me to where I am; sitting at an outside table at a small café just a few miles away from the school I was supposed to report for duty at in just a few weeks. God, I hope she doesn't ream me for not giving her sufficient time to find a replacement.

I was interrupted from my internal speech when a gorgeous woman in her mid forties sat in the seat across from me. She quickly ordered a quiche and I stumbled over my order of a Caesar salad, having not even noticed the menu in front of me. Esme Cullen was warm and inviting, always putting me at ease whenever she cast her emerald eyes my way. I thought she was a large reason why I was hired; her calming presence gave me just the boost of confidence that I had needed to survive the grueling interview process with the hiring committee. "Bella, it is so good to see you again." Her welcoming smile reminded me so much of a mother's love and I allowed my self to bask in her comfort while missing my own mother.

"Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice, Mrs. Cullen."

"Bella, please, I still insist you call me Esme. Honey, what's wrong? You look like you're being forced to face the front lines alone. You're not leaving us, are you?"

"Not exactly. Although I am afraid my position may be available shortly." She scrunched her brow together, in a gesture that was maddeningly familiar although I could not place where I had seen it before. I could tell she was dying to know why I called for this impromptu meeting, so I decided to cut to the chase. "Esme, I'm pregnant. I know, the timing really sucks and I should have gotten in touch with you sooner. But, the truth is, I really haven't known for that long and these past several weeks have just been incredibly chaotic with the transitions that I'm still not sure which way is up. I'm so sorry to put you in this position with orientation just a couple of weeks away…" I finally dropped off, not knowing where to go. I knew I had been babbling, but I wanted to get as much out as I could before I lost my nerve.

As I sat there, waiting for the worst, a huge smile swept across her loving face. "Congratulations, Bella. A baby is a blessing! Oh dear, I wish you hadn't worried so. This should be a time of joy for you; you have no need to worry about your position with us." Her acceptance was so contagious; I was almost swept away by it.

"Esme, I don't think you fully understand. I'm not married, or even with the father," I tried to explain while twisting the cloth napkin between my nervous hands and refusing to look at her compassionate eyes.

"Bella, dear, I'm not here to judge you. I'm sure this decision has not been an easy one for you; I can clearly see that it has not been. I will support what ever choice you decide, but I hope you choose to stay with us at Roosevelt. I knew from our first interview that you would fit in flawlessly with our teachers and students, and I still stand by that decision. So you have to take a maternity leave in a few months. This wouldn't be the first time this has happened and it certainly won't be the last. Hopefully, it won't even be your last. I love babies and personally can't wait to meet your little one. So, unless you want to take a year, which I will support, your job is waiting for you right now. And will be in a year as well, regardless your decision."

I sat stunned at her words. "Thank you, Esme. Of course, I still want to work for you. This has been my dream for so long and Roosevelt has always been my first choice of schools to work for." My traitorous body betrayed me with tears that I could not hide. Esme immediately moved from her chair to pull another up beside me. She took the napkin from my hands and dabbed at my cheeks as she hugged me close. "I'm sorry; can I blame this on hormones?"

She chuckled a bit before responding, "Of course dear. I always blamed everything on hormones when I was pregnant." She gave me a moment to collect myself before moving back to her seat. "So Bella, how far along are you? When is the beautiful baby going to make its grand entrance into this world?"

I couldn't help the little laugh that escaped me. This woman was amazing and I was still feeling as though I was trapped in an episode of 'The Twilight Zone'. "Um, I'm a little over fourteen weeks and my due date is January 25th."

"Ooh, a winter baby. I always love seeing little babies all wrapped up in their snowsuits!"

The conversation carried on with Esme oohing and ahhing over what was to come while I let her certainty wash over me. I expressed my concerns over what to tell my students and she assured me that however I wished to deal with it would be fully supported by her. Then she went off on her own spin of the situation, that I was some brave, twenty-first century woman who was self-sufficient and capable of taking care of my family on my own. If she only knew. I suddenly went from concern over having a job to concern that I would be her poster child for single-mothers everywhere.

The meeting could not have gone better. Every time I was around this woman I felt a maternal comfort spread over me, and now it looked like my baby would have a doting pseudo-grandmother when he or she arrives. I had been prepared to be out of a job, and instead I was left feeling the weight of the world lift off my shoulders just a tiny bit.

Finally, our conversation was beginning to wind down. Esme apologized for having to run, but she was meeting her son in the afternoon and needed to get going. Before leaving, she made me promise to call her if I needed anyone to talk to, which I hesitantly agreed to. "Bella, I'm serious. I don't want you worrying unnecessarily. If you have any concerns, or just need an ear to listen, call me. I want to hear from you, understood?"

"Yes, Esme. Thank you so much." I stood with her, accepting her tight embrace before we parted company.

"There's nothing to thank me for, dear. I expect to hear from you before I see you at orientation in a couple of weeks!"

All right, progress on taking back my life was well on its way. Number one was complete as I was now living back at my new apartment. Number two was half way complete now that I had told Esme about the baby. Along with number one came significant progress on numbers three and four. Other than telling Charlie, the only other number left on my list to tackle was number five. Edward. I still wasn't exactly ready to touch that one. I had better stick to what I could handle for the time being. I decided to head home and start packing early for my trip up to Forks for the weekend rather than dwell on number five for any length of time. The day was turning out to be an incredible one, no point in ruining it now.


	5. Chapter 5

Jake and I arrived in Forks just in time for dinner on Friday night. Jake's dad had heard of our visit and was invited to join us for dinner, so tonight was not the night I would be filling Charlie in on his pending grandfatherhood.

Jake had been acting a bit strange today, starting with the car ride here. I hadn't told him about Edward, and he had never asked. I'm not sure who he thought the father was, or how I became pregnant in the first place since I wasn't dating anyone, but thankfully he had never expressed an interest in the conception.

Until today.

It had started out innocently enough with questions on how I was going to break the news to Charlie. "I don't really know yet. I'm hoping a moment will come along, but I suppose if one doesn't by tomorrow night, I'll just have to make the time," I said.

"You mean you haven't thought this through? He's going to have a million questions and expect some answers," he practically roared at me.

"I know he will, Jake. I'm not going to lie to him. I'll give him whatever answers I can. I know this is not ideal, but I also know it is the right thing to do. I understand raising a child alone is not an easy job, or necessarily what he wanted for me, but it is the hand that I have been dealt and I am going to make the best of it. I want to do it; I am ecstatic to be a mom. I still have my job and an amazing boss who supports me. I don't know what else to say to him, but if he wants to be a part of my life, then he will accept this part of me." I hoped Jake understood that went for him as well.

"What about the father? What are you going to say when he asks you where he is?"

"I don't know. Obviously, I'm going to say we're not together."

"Charlie's going to blow a gasket."

"Thanks, Jake. That's exactly what I need to hear right now."

"Come on, Bells. You know he will. He's gonna be all pissy with you for getting yourself in this situation, and he's going to be even more pissed with whoever the father is for being a dead-beat dad."

"He's not a dead-beat dad," I snarled at him, not liking the turn this conversation was taking.

"Right," Jake muttered under his breath.

"For your information, the father doesn't even know I'm pregnant, okay? Not that it's any of your concern, but I haven't told him yet."

"If you don't think he would be a dead-beat dad, then why haven't you told him yet? Why am I the one driving you to Forks instead of him? He should be man enough to face the consequences if he was man enough to screw you."

I sat in the passenger seat, staring out the rain-soaked window as the green scenery passed by. It wasn't Edward's fault, it was mine. Why hadn't I told him yet? It would be easy enough to find him now that I knew the connection to Jasper that was elusive to me before the Hale's anniversary dinner. Jasper wouldn't have a problem getting his number for me, if he hadn't already. So why haven't I told him he was only a few short months away from becoming a father? Pure and simple, because I was a coward. I saw the woman he was with at that dinner. I would never stand a chance against someone like her. Not only with looks, but there was a familiarity shared between the two of them that I would never have with him. I still wasn't ready to face the reality that what they shared, I would never have.

I planned on telling him, I just hadn't figured what to say yet. I knew I was going to write him a letter, that way he would not have to look me in the eye or feel trapped in any way. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel trapped, and I would make that explicitly clear in the letter. I know that when I get nervous I tend to babble, and the likely hood of me leaving out something important was exponentially high, so I figured an unobtrusive letter would be the best route. I would leave the decision up to him. He would not have to take part in our baby's life, but I would not keep our child away from him, either. It would be his choice. Regardless, I didn't need to write the letter tonight. I still had time for that one.

"It's complicated," I mumbled in response to Jake's last inquiry on why Edward was not here. He snorted without ever looking my way. "He has a girlfriend Jake; I don't want to mess that up for him. And we didn't exactly make any declarations to each other. As a matter of fact, I haven't even seen him since I found out about the baby."

I thought the subject was dropped, or at least pushed aside as Jake mulled my words over. We rode for such a long time without a word between us that I almost fell asleep from the gentle sounds of the rain splattering up from the road. Jake startled me out of my reverie with his quiet admission.

"We could tell him it's mine."

I stared at him in disbelief, not knowing how to respond. Before I could gather a complete thought, he hurried on. "You know how your dad and my dad have wanted us to get together for years now. If we told him the baby is mine, from one drunken night, it will probably lessen the blow. It wouldn't have to change our relationship, because we would be very open that it was just something that happened. And Bells, you know I love you more than anyone, you know I'm going to love this baby like it's my own anyways. Why not make this easier on everyone?" He said all this as if it were the obvious choice while I chewed on my bottom lip and watched the rain soaked world blur past my window.

"I'll be there to help you; I'll change diapers, run to the store for ice-cream, walk the halls when he won't sleep. I'll do it all. I want to do it all." His words were rushing from his mouth, as if he either wanted to make sure he got them all out or he was afraid I would cut him off. "And this way," he continued with much more caution, "Charlie won't freak out as much as he would if he found out you were planning on doing this on your own. Regardless, Bella, you don't have to do this alone, I want to help. So, let's just tell Charlie the baby is mine." I could tell Jake had been thinking this over for a while, but the last part still came out sounding unsure.

I didn't know what to say. Shock and confusion swirled through my mind at a hundred miles per hour. Jake wanted me to tell Charlie the baby was his? He wanted to raise my baby? I could barely comprehend what he was offering.

Even more astounding, I was considering going along with him. It would make telling Charlie a lot easier if we went in as a team. If I had to admit it, that was a big part of the reason I brought Jake with me in the first place. I knew how Charlie felt about Jake and I - I wasn't born yesterday. Charlie would actually be over the moon at the slightest inclination that the two of us had given in to fate or what ever crap he decided this was. I could already see him stopping every civilian in Forks to spread news of the upcoming grandbaby and hear the endless tales he would force upon them once the baby was born. And Jake was my best friend. I knew this was what Jacob wanted. It's what our parents wanted. Hell, even my baby would benefit from having a father like Jake, who would be there every step of the way, from first teeth to learning to crawl to riding a bicycle. I knew Jake would make a great father, and that is something that I desperately wanted to give my baby.

I also knew Jake was in love with me. He hadn't pressed me in a couple of years, not since that night he tried to force the issue and kissed the hell out of me to prove I felt the same. Which I didn't. But I still noticed the way his face lit up whenever I walked into a room and the way his eyes would follow me and his body oriented itself to mine. As I've said, I wasn't born yesterday. I could love him. I did love him, just not in that way.

But as I've already lamented, I was doubtful I would ever feel for anyone what I felt for Edward. And now I had a baby to consider as well. So should I still be yearning for that passionate spark when I had an amazing, gorgeous man who adored me, wanted me, was in love with me _and_ was willing to give me everything I wanted, except the one tiny thing that I could never have anyway? To top it all off, he was my best friend and we knew each other inside and out. It wasn't the worst offer in the world. It could have been worse – I could have been doing it alone. Oh yeah, I was.

I couldn't believe I was actually about to say this. "I need to think about this some more, Jake." He looked at me and gave me the smile he saved just for me before taking my hand in his. I let him, it was comfortable. I could live with comfortable, right?

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Jake seemed ecstatic about the future, but kept his pent up energy to himself and let me ruminate in the seat next to him until we pulled into Charlie's driveway. Just as he was about to turn off the engine, I squeezed his hand, still in mine, to get his attention.

"Jake, I can't tell Charlie the baby is yours." I saw the spark that had been there since I told him I would think about it die and I hated myself for doing that to him. "I'm sorry, I can't do that. That doesn't mean that I'm not still considering the rest of it, but I am going to need a lot of time to process everything and come to a decision. But regardless, I can't live a lie. I can't tell people, especially our parents, that the baby is yours." Jake's jaw was clenched and his brow furrowed as I went on, obviously not liking what he was hearing. I wanted to laugh at the situation; it wasn't every day that a knocked up girl has a hunk jumping at the opportunity to play daddy - especially one that wasn't involved in the conception.

"It would be unfair to them no matter what we decide about the future. I do have every intention of telling the father about the baby. That will not change anything in my personal life, but I can't tell him the truth and expect it to stay hidden. And I can't lie to my baby either. I'm sorry, Jake."

I could tell my decision upset him, especially when I said that I would be telling Edward about the baby. Finally, he locked his eyes on mine and smiled half a grin. "But you are still considering the rest of my offer?"

"Yes. But I need time."

"You've got it. Anything you need, Bella, I'll give it to you." With that, he raised our still joined hands to his lips before turning the ignition off and stepping from the car.

The rest of the weekend flew by in a haze. Dinner was stilted, at least on my end. I didn't think my dad or Billy really even noticed I was in the room, nor the nervous energy I had been radiating. Charlie was as giddy as a school girl with our little impromptu visit, especially since we came together, which just served to make me reconsider Jake's offer of telling everyone the baby was his. God, it would be so easy to lie.

No, I would not take the easy way out. When I did tell Charlie, I would tell him the truth, no matter what he thought of me.

The next day didn't offer the opportunity I had hoped it would, either. As my visit was very last minute, Charlie didn't feel comfortable canceling his fishing trip with one of his buddies, so he made the best of it and invited Jacob and Billy along. He didn't think I would really mind, as I had never minded his leaving me alone before. Which I didn't, but it made it really hard to have the conversation we needed to have. The reason I was here to begin with.

That night, Charlie had asked me to meet him down at the reservation for a fish fry. It was great to see so many familiar faces that I hadn't seen in years. I helped the women peel and prepare the potatoes while the guys tended to the fish. It was a night that could have been pulled from a chapter four years ago. It was nice and comfortable in its familiarity.

"So Bella," Sue began, not missing a beat from the last conversation of how Jake's older sisters, Rachael and Rebecca, were doing with their ever expanding families. "You have that certain glow. Is there something you are not telling us?"

Oh. My. God!

How the hell did she know? You couldn't tell by looking at me, right? I wasn't even noticeably showing yet. I cast a quick glace at my stomach to make sure it wasn't suddenly protruding before looking straight at Charlie's face. I watched as the crinkle of his eyes slowly left his face along with his smile. I realized now that no one thought anything of the question until my reaction gave it away. Sue even looked shocked. She probably thought I was seeing someone and had no idea what can of worms she had just stumbled upon.

"Bella?" Charlie prodded.

"I'm pregnant," I simply stated while fifteen sets of eyes bored into me. "And before you ask, no, you don't know the father and no, we're not together anymore. Yes, I am keeping the baby and am very happy about it so if you are not, please keep it to yourself."

There was so much more I needed to say, but that seemed like a good enough place to start. Charlie continued to stare at me, his mouth moving like one of the fish he caught, but no sound ever emerged.

"Well, that's wonderful Bella. Congratulations," Sue offered, breaking the sudden tension. Everyone broke out of their hypnotic stares and began offering me their best wishes, which I numbly took while still trying to assess Charlie's reaction.

Dinner continued after that with much less drama. No one brought up my pregnancy while Charlie was within earshot, but several old friends still whispered their words of support.

The ride home began in silence. Charlie had been picked up early in the morning by his buddy, Jerry, so we rode back together in the cruiser that I had driven down to the rez a few hours earlier.

"So…" Charlie started, clearly not knowing where to go from there. I wanted to take pity on him, but wasn't sure what he wanted to hear. "You're pregnant?" His words were much too loud in the otherwise silent night.

"Yes. Almost four months."

"And what about work?"

"I've already spoken with my boss. It's not a problem."

"You told your boss about this before you told me?" He sounded hurt and mystified.

"Just," I emphasized. "I had to tell her sometime, so I set a meeting up and we got together this past Wednesday. I would have told you sooner, but I wanted to do it in person. This was the first weekend that I've been up for travelling."

He seemed to mull that over for a minute before continuing. "So, four months? You say you weren't up for travelling? How was the first trimester then?"

"Miserable. I spent the entire time puking my guts out or sleeping."

"I remember that. Your mother was the same way with you. Couldn't keep anything down." A tiny smirk lifted on the side of his mouth at the memory of my mother. I felt a flutter in my own heart at the shared experience I now knew I had with her. I hated that my memories of her had begun to fade, and I grasped every detail I could from little nuggets like this one.

"So it looks like you've got everything worked out, then?"

It was my turn to guffaw quite audibly. "Hardly. I guess I still have my job, but everything seems upside down. I'm a little scared, actually."

Charlie looked at me with the same look he gave me when I left for college. "I'll always be here for you, Bells. You know that. If it ever gets to be too much, you can always come home for a while."

"Thanks dad. I needed to hear that. Not that I'm ready to take you up on it, or anything. It's just nice to know I have your support," I finished weakly.

"I'll always support you, Bella, even if I don't agree. That's one thing you taught me right away after you moved back in with me and I'm trying to come to terms that you're not my little girl anymore." The car filled with tension at the suddenly serious turn in the conversation. Touching father-daughter moments were something we didn't do well. "So, a baby, huh?"

I couldn't help the laugh that fizzled out of me. His discomfort with the emotional talk was so obvious with his attempt at changing the subject to the only thing he could think of: the same subject. His own answering gentle laughter spurred me on until he grasped my hand in his just as Jacob had done the day before. "I'm happy for you, Bells. It's not what I would have chosen, but I'm still happy for you."

I returned his smile, knowing that was the best admission I could hope to get from him and far more than I had anticipated. This week was turning out to be amazing.

The next day, goodbyes were said and Charlie made me promise to take better care of myself, which was usually my line for him. And when Jake arrived to pick me up, Charlie proceeded to make Jake promise to look out for me as well, which was no hardship on his part.

On the way back to Seattle, Jake asked if there was anything he could do, seeing as he was officially on duty (per Charlie's orders). At first I shook my head no, until I remembered a doctor's appointment I had scheduled that Alice would be unable to make because of a work conflict. He readily agreed and promised to pick me up early for breakfast. Before any more plans could be made, or further declarations that I was not willing to give or receive, I dropped off to sleep, blissfully missing the rest of the ride.


	6. Chapter 6

More weeks flew by and before I knew it, August had arrived. I had another doctor's appointment this morning, the one Jake had agreed to take me to, and this Wednesday I would be starting my orientation at school. Summer was, essentially, already over. Not only was it over, but once I stepped foot in that upper elementary on Wednesday morning, my childhood days would officially be over, my career would start and parenthood was just around the corner. Like it or not, adulthood was breathing heavily down my neck.

But I was ready for it. With each day, my confidence in my abilities to be a mother increased. People did this all the time; I knew I could be a great mother. There were still moments when I felt a panic attack come on triggered by the thought of scarring my child for life or failing him or her in some way, but I now recognized those attacks as something all parents faced, not just single mothers.

Jake has been great and did exactly as I asked by giving me space. I had told him I needed time to consider his offer, and he graciously gave it to me by making himself scarce for the past couple of weeks. I knew this hadn't been easy for him. Ever since I moved to my new neighborhood (well, back into it after my last little stay at Alice's), Jake would drop by unexpectedly as I now lived considerably closer to him than before. He had given me what I needed and now I had to break his heart.

While everything sounded great on paper, I could not allow Jake to give his life to me, even if it was what he desperately wanted. Although I would never have the love of my life, Jake could still find his, even if he doesn't think so. I would not strap him down no matter how willing he was.

The problem: I knew he would not take my turning down his offer as it was intended. I hated to hurt him this way, but I knew it was for the best for all those involved. I had decided to take him to lunch today after my appointment to let him know about my decision. I should have called him sooner, but I just came to the realization recently and I didn't want him to think I was cutting him out of my life, as I knew he would think if I told him over the phone. I wanted to assure him that he was still welcome in my life. More than welcome, wanted. The fact remained; he was still one of my best friends, along with Alice. Just as I would never turn down her offer to attend any doctor's visits with me, I would not turn him down, either. I wanted him to understand that, while I couldn't let him play the role of baby-daddy, I still wanted him to be an integral part of my baby's life.

Just as promised, Jake showed up early for my appointment. He took me to a little park a couple blocks away from my doctor's office, tucked away in the city. He left me at the park to find a spot to eat while he ran across the street to pick up some breakfast for the two of us.

As I was wandering the park, relaxing in the cool morning breeze and watching a swan float under a bridge, I noticed who was walking atop said bridge. Edward. More notably, Edward and Tanya, arm in arm. They were smiling, carefree and obviously very much in love. They looked like a fucking Hallmark commercial. I had stood there for so long watching them that I didn't even notice they were getting closer until they stopped right in front of me.

"Bella, it's good to see you again," his smooth voice floated inside me, sanding the harshness I've felt for the past few months away to mere gossamer strands. Tanya looked my way quizzically before turning her trusting gaze to Edward. "Bella is one of Jasper and Alice's friends. You remember? She was at the Hale's anniversary dinner."

"Oh yes, I'm so sorry I couldn't place you. How have you been? You look so much better than you did that night, you poor thing."

I had been staring speechless at the two of them until Tanya's sweet voice broke me out of my trance. "I've been good. I'm sorry that I had to leave that evening so unexpectedly. I would have loved to have stayed and gotten to know you better." All this was said to Tanya alone, I could not bear to look at Edward. And really, she did seem very sweet. Even I had to admit, she didn't come across as the she-devil I had pinned her for. She would be good for Edward.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you." Jake came up behind me, swinging one arm casually over my shoulder while planting a kiss on my cheek, his other arm holding our bag of take-out.

My face flushed immediately, I could feel the burn rise up through me. What must he think with Jake acting so casual, almost like a lover? What did it really matter, with his arm holding on equally tight to Tanya?

"Hey, I remember you guys. You were at that dinner." Jake never was a man of eloquence or tact.

Edward answered in his velvet honey voice that was slowly unraveling every fiber of my being. "It's good to see you again, Jacob. Small world we live in; we just ran into Bella and the three of us were discussing that evening."

"Well, sorry to rush you," he brusquely said to Edward before tilting his head my way, "Bells, if we don't hurry, we're going to miss your appointment with the doctor."

I saw something ignite in Edward's eyes, but he held back whatever it was. "Well, we don't want to keep you. Jacob, Bella, it was a pleasure to see you again."

"Yes, Bella, it really was. I hope everything goes all right with your appointment."

I shook my head, hoping to thwart whatever Jacob was planning on saying. "Oh, it's nothing - just a check-up. Well, we better get going. It was nice seeing you two again, as well." And with that, Jake pulled me along with him, over to a picnic table by the water's edge to enjoy our breakfast.

I tried to stomach the breakfast, but after our encounter with Edward and Tanya, any hopes of an appetite had vanished. Jake, of course, had no troubles scarffing down his own meal and offering to finish mine off as well. He hadn't even noticed that I hadn't touched mine. I wanted so badly to tell him who Edward really was, but knew I couldn't if I wanted to turn his offer down today. Would he think my refusal of him was simply because I ran into Edward? I didn't want Jake to think my reasons behind not taking his offer had anything to do with Edward, so that conversation would have to wait.

Apparently, my somber mood must not have gone by as unnoticed as I had thought. Jake brought it up as we walked the few blocks to the doctor's office. I felt a stab of guilt as I hoped that he would later look back on my mood and attribute it to the pending conversation we would have later. For now, I told him I was simply nervous about the appointment, even though it really was just a check up and the most exciting thing that would happen was having my blood drawn for a few tests. Mix me with needles and blood and you never knew what kind of disaster would strike.

My hopes for taking Jake to an early lunch were dashed when he told me he had to get back to work. He had been able to get the morning off, but had to be back by 11:00. As it was, he was going to be late if he didn't leave immediately. I offered to save him some time and trouble by suggesting I take a cab, which he vehemently refused. I didn't see the big deal, but whatever. Now, however, I still wanted to tell him my decision before any more time had passed. I argued with myself that this wasn't a good time, with him needing to rush back to work. But then I counter-argued that it wasn't fair to him to keep his hopes up.

As he pulled up to the curb in front of my building, I noted the time and how much of it I would have for this conversation. There wasn't much, but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

"Jake, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me: taking me to my doctor's appointment, missing work, going to Forks with me, and being my best friend. Even the offer you made and the space you've given me. You don't know how much that means." I paused, noting the bridled excitement in his eyes and hating myself for what was to come. "I can't accept your offer. I know I shouldn't be telling you this now, but I can't let you hold out hope, either. You deserve better, Jake. I can't be who you need."

He was shaking his head back and forth, so hard I thought he would hurt himself. Finally, his broken voice reached out to me. "How can you know that Bella? You're all I've needed for years now. When are you going to accept that you are what I need?"

"I can't accept that, Jake, because I'm not what you need. You need someone who wants you as much as you want her. And that is not me. I'm so sorry, but it's not. I wanted it to be. I even tried convincing myself it would be enough, that you love me enough for both of us. And I do love you, Jake, so much. Just not in the way you deserve. I'm sorry, I can't."

"It's enough for me," he cried, tears gathering in the corners of his brown eyes. "That's all I ask of you Bella; just let me love you?"

Tears were streaming openly down my own face now, but I had to finish this for good. "It's not enough for me." I looked at him over the center console, waiting for him to look back at me but he wouldn't. Finally, I turned from him and exited the car without looking back.

I spent the afternoon crying on the couch, watching romance after romance work out on TV. Finally, I broke down and shamelessly texted Jake when I knew he couldn't answer.

_I still want my friend _

Did that make me a selfish bitch or what? Was that asking too much? Maybe it was time I let him go.

A short while later, he responded.

_Always_

_And Uncle Jake?_

_Uncle Jake will always be there_

What a bitch I am. A selfish, horrible bitch. I continued to cry.

What sickened me the most was I wasn't sure if I was crying because I just broke my best friend's heart again, or if it was from seeing a happy Edward with a very smitten Tanya.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I didn't have much time to sit and dwell on my problems. Two days after running into Edward and trampling over Jacob's heart, I had to start my first day of orientation at Theodore Roosevelt Public Schools. The first day, Wednesday, I had to report to the high school auditorium before 8:00 am to register and get my schedule for the day along with all the other new teachers to the district. I had already scoped out the entire district, so getting there was not a problem.

When I looked at my schedule, I noticed that today would probably be the most boring of all the days. The first item of the morning would be a welcoming ceremony where the superintendant and various members of the board spoke of how proud they were of their district and their excitement over the upcoming year. Following this, we would be breaking up into our respective schools to go over the basic curriculum for the following year. From there, we would have a short luncheon in the cafeteria before departing to our own schools for a tour and another mini-welcome by our principals. I was really looking forward to that part, as I had not spoken to Esme since our meeting and could really use some of her comforting vibes right about now. This was also when we would get our schedule for the remainder of the week.

I was right when I surmised today would be the most boring. If students think they are the only ones who hate suffering through dull, long-winded lectures, they are in for a rude awakening when they become adults.

I was sitting with a few of the new teachers that I met during the curriculum planning conference, trying to keep my head from bobbing into my chicken salad, when I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I turned to notice Esme graciously standing behind me, looking elegant as always in a gray pencil skirt and white silk blouse.

"Pardon me, everyone. Would you mind if I join you?" Everyone seemed a bit taken aback, as did I. Esme just had that spellbinding effect on people. I scooted over to allow room for her to sit next to me on the long bench seat. She said her quick greetings to everyone who would be working at our school, whose names she remembered, before she turned to me and gave me a brief, firm hug. "Bella, dear, how have you been? I had hoped to hear from you before today on how you were keeping up?"

I felt my face flush at the individual attention I was receiving, and at her admittance that something was amiss in my life. "I've been good, Esme. I apologize for not calling," Before I could finish, she cut me off.

"Don't apologize dear. I'm happy to hear that things are going well for you. We'll have to catch up later." Just as quickly as it had started, our conversation was over and she began talking to the entire table, answering all their questions with kindhearted concern. There were no false pretenses with Esme.

Lunch passed quickly, as did the rest of the afternoon. I was thrilled to see the tour of the school, as well as what would be my room. I had tried to pay close attention to many of the other teachers' names on the doors, and was startled to see a Mr. Cullen in the room right next to mine. It must be a relation, but I wondered if it was her husband or the son she had mentioned before. Esme confirmed later that she had noticed my catch.

"I saw you notice the name on the door next to yours. That's my son's room. He also teaches fifth grade with an emphasis on social studies. You two will be part of a team of three to team teach. As I mentioned before, every grade is divided into teams and your class will rotate between the other teachers in your team for different subjects. Your class will go to his for Social Studies and his to yours for Language Arts. The other teacher in your trio is the Science teacher. I can't wait for you to meet my son! I know the two of you will hit it off." All this was spoken with the tilt of her head as we walked down the hall beside each other, as if it were some sort of conspiracy she was letting me in on. "As a matter of fact, I'm so certain, that I have made him your mentor for the year."

Every new teacher had a mentor that would help them out with the struggles of the first year. We would have weekly meetings during our prep hour to go over my plans, and he would be my first contact for support or any issues that arise. Besides the weekly meetings, I also had one weekly meeting during prep hour with both team teachers and one a week after school with all of the fifth grade teachers.

"Is he anything like you?" I asked with hope in my voice.

"If by that you mean is he caring, persistent, patient and kind with just the right amount of nag, then yes, he's exactly like me." We both chuckled at that as we exited the building towards the parking lot. "Bella, I know we didn't get a chance to talk much today. I was hoping tomorrow we could have lunch together. I'm sure you are aware tomorrow is a free lunch, but I had hoped you wouldn't mind spending it with me?"

"Not at all. I would love to," I answered honestly with a smile spreading over my face.

"Great. I look forward to it. And I look forward to introducing you to my son afterwards. I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," she ended with a wave before disappearing in her sleek, black car. I gave a cheerful wave before hopping in my own ancient truck and headed for home.

All in all, today was not a bad day. While it started out a little rough, seeing Esme at lunch and touring the school was exactly what I needed to take my mind off of Jake and Edward.

Tomorrow, we would start off right away at our own schools. Esme had a little conference set up in the morning, followed by a curriculum and training session before lunch. We would reconvene after lunch, where we would be introduced to our new mentors, have a brief meeting on what our mentor/mentee relationship would mean for us, and then be given the remainder of the afternoon for our mentors and us new teachers to get to know each other in our respective pairs. I was actually very excited about this prospect, especially knowing that Esme's son would be my mentor. With as amazing as she was, he would have to be at least somewhat, right? And, Esme did say that she chose him specifically for me, so there must have been some reasoning behind that deliberation.

I was very excited indeed. For the first time since that party, my mind and my focus were directed at my future, and it looked very bright.


	7. Chapter 7

AN- Thank you all who are reading! I know the chapters are quite short right now, but they do pick up in length considerably around chapter 11, I think. Also, Edward is a major part of the story and you will see more of him. I'll try to update about once a day until I'm caught up to where I'm at - which, as far as what has been beta'd , is chapter 14. I'm currently writing chapter 18 and they have been running around 20+ pages for a while now.

This story is up on and chapter 13 has been posted for those of you who want more.

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Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight, any of its characters or plot, or any of the songs mentioned.

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Thursday started off just as promising as I had hoped. Although the morning mandatory training session was a bit dull, I paid careful attention and took detailed notes. At lunch time, I made my way towards Esme, who was still talking to a couple of the other first time teachers. There were six of us all together, which was considerable for this size of a school. The school was kind of rural and small, but there weren't any cows out in a pasture or anything. Apparently, several teachers took a pay-off and retired the previous year so the district wouldn't have to expand cut-backs.

When I reached her side, I was slightly unsure of myself. Sure, she had said she wanted to go to lunch yesterday, but she hadn't spoken a word of it today. Perhaps she was just being polite? I needn't have worried as she quickly turned her attention to me, pulling me in for another hug.

"Bella, I'm so happy you're here with us."

While I loved Esme, her actions still left me a little embarrassed as the others always took note of her fawning. She excused us from the group, saying we had a private meeting scheduled. Then, so as not to draw unwarranted attention to our luncheon, she quickly added that if they should ever need to talk, just pop in her office or set up an appointment with her. She winked at me as we turned to leave.

Esme led me arm-and-arm back to her car before carefully explaining.

"I am sorry if my affection for you causes embarrassment." I turned, startled, to her to try to refute before she continued. "It's okay, dear. I understand how it must feel. Here you are, one of a few new teachers, and the principal continues to pick you out over the others. I admit to showing favoritism, but I can't help it. I see something in you that needs me. That happens every now and then, however it's usually with my son's friends. Grown men tend to need more mothering than a toddler," she laughed.

Esme continued on while driving us to the same café where we ate before, not even stopping her one-sided conversation while we went to be seated.

"My husband and I had a hard time having children. My first five pregnancies ended in miscarriage, stillborn or death shortly after birth. One of my sons survived for five days before passing. And then we were blessed with our Edward."

My eyes flew to her face at the mention of that name. She took my startled expression to her son's name as horror over her past and patted my hand reassuringly. What are the chances that her son Edward was my Edward? I quickly dismissed the idea, realizing how far-fetched it would be.

"Anyways, I love being a mother and sometimes people pass my path that I feel the strong urge to smother, as my son affectionately calls it," she paused to chuckle at her recollection of her Edward before continuing. "I'm sorry if I'm being too forward with you. I just thought that if I could explain my favoritism, perhaps you would understand better why I have taken to you."

I had to admit, taking out the essence of Esme herself, her behaviors and explanation would seem a bit overbearing. But there was no denying the way she made me feel.

"I don't mind at all, Esme. In fact, I think that's what draws me to you more than anything – you are very comforting. My mother died when I was in high school and I feel like I've re-found part of that relationship with you." I was embarrassed at what I had just admitted to and began picking at my salad with my fork while avoiding her gaze.

Her hand was on my wrist, stilling my nervous habit. "Thank you, dear, that means a lot to me that I can be open with you. And I want you to know that you can always be open with me. Now, how are things progressing with the baby?"

We continued lunch with idle chit-chat about my latest doctor's appointment, how I broke the news to my father, the upcoming school year and all the changes I would experience. Finally, she settled on the topic of her son as we made the short drive back to the school. "I know you two will get along. He has such a big heart; I couldn't imagine pairing you up with anyone else. He'll take wonderful care of you, Bella."

When we arrived back at the school, we both headed back towards the cafeteria where we were gathering with our mentors. I didn't see him approach from Esme's side but suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck all stood on end.

"Edward," Esme exclaimed as she accepted the hug from her son. I no longer doubted who her son was - or how much the universe was conspiring against me.

"Hi mom, you are looking lovely today, as usual." I saw his surprise when he broke away from his mother's embrace and noticed me for the first time. He masked his features before Esme could detect anything amiss between the two of us.

"Edward, I'd like to introduce you to," Edward was quick to cut her off.

"Bella Swan, my mentee." Esme eyed him curiously before turning to see my alarmed expression. Edward kept his cool gaze locked on mine as he waited for my reply, not giving anything away.

"Edward," I managed to stammer in a breathless whisper.

I needed to get out of here. I couldn't do this. Why the hell was my chest tightening and my throat closing all air off from entering my body? I needed to breathe, and I didn't think I would be able to with Edward standing less than a foot away from me and asking silent questions with his eyes.

"Sweetie, are you all right? Come, let's sit down over here." Esme guided me over to a chair before slightly pushing my malleable frame down while Edward stood by with a pained expression on his face. "Edward, could you please go get us some water? I think Bella's feeling a bit faint." I didn't hear a response, but he was suddenly gone.

Damn, I needed to pull it together. I was expected to be an adult now, right? I couldn't be having these little teenage reactions to seeing my crush in the flesh before me. So what if he was the only guy that made me feel alive? So what if I was pregnant with his baby that he knew nothing about? So what if I have been bonding with his mother, using her as a substitute for my own? So what if he had a girlfriend who obviously adores him? So what if he just so happened to also be a teacher at the same school as I was, and his class was right next door to mine, and we team teach, and he was my mentor, meaning I would be spending more alone time with him than any other person within these walls this year?

Well, fuck me.

"Actually, Esme, I think I'm feeling a little better. I'm just going to freshen up in the restroom." I needed to get out of here. Having a breakdown over this revelation in front of Edward's mother would not serve me well. Or him, really. I didn't want her to suspect anything and make his life difficult.

"Are you sure, dear? Would you like me to go with you? Edward will be right back with your water." No, I certainly did not want to be here when Edward returned. And I don't really think he wants me here, either.

"No, I'm sure. I just need a minute." I smiled what I hoped was a reassuring smile before standing on my shaky legs and making my way to the teachers' restroom.

Once inside the restroom, I splashed some cold water on my face in hopes to slow my racing thoughts, as well as my heartbeat and breathing. I needed to stop reacting like this. I'm sure I'm not the first one night stand he has had, and most girls probably wouldn't make a blubbering fool of themselves when and if they ever ran into him again. Yet then, how many of them were currently carrying his child? Shit.

Thinking about that was not helping at the moment. I needed to focus. I needed to remind myself that people did this all the time, it was no big deal. Just because I felt the way I did for him didn't mean I needed to treat him any differently than I would any other one night stand, or casual fuck.

Except therein lies another set back; I've never had a one night stand or casual fuck with anybody, certainly not Edward.

Okay, I was once again making this out to be more than it was. Unless I was about to turn in my resignation, I needed to get back out there and pull myself together. I could do this. I could be professional. I would be a professional. Time to face the music; it's now or never.


	8. Chapter 8

When I returned to the cafeteria, Esme had already partnered the others up with their mentors and was about to get started on what her expectations were for today, tomorrow and the rest of the year. All the mentees sat next to their mentor, and Edward was sitting next to an empty chair, waiting for me.

I quietly entered and took my seat as inconspicuously as possible. He wordlessly caught my eye and handed me a bottle of water; I unscrewed the blue cap before taking a big swig. When finished, I remembered my manners and whispered a quiet thank you.

Edward leaned towards me until I could feel his heat burning into my side and his khaki pants rubbing against my midnight blue skirt.

"Are you okay?"

I couldn't risk looking at him, so I simply nodded while pretending to pay attention to Esme. He sat back in his chair and listened to his mother speak as well. All that kept running through my mind was how fucked up this situation was turning out to be. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was so excited to have a new distraction that kept my mind off of my personal problems and gave me a new, exciting outlet for my anxieties? I must have really pissed someone off in a previous life for this to be happening.

Apparently, Esme must have dismissed us because the other pairs were all walking out of the cafeteria together, and Edward was standing expectantly by my side. Esme noticed my lack of response and came running immediately.

"Bella, dear, are you certain you're all right? You're still looking a little peaked. Perhaps I should run you home." As tempting as it sounded, this wasn't going to go away by running.

"I'm fine, Esme. Really." She was standing in front of me, hands resting on my shoulders.

"Oh, if you're certain." She cast her eyes to her son while pulling me in for a hug. "Edward, I want you to take good care of her. Call me if she needs anything. I still think she should be going home." Would the shame never end?

I tried to pull away from Esme, the words that I was fine about to leave my lips again before Edward spoke up.

"I will, Mom. I'm sure you'll be around to check on her before she has a chance to miss you. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a meeting to get started." With that, he tenderly pulled me from his mother's arms, leading me away from her with a gentle hand on the small of my back.

Once out in the hall I took a couple steps away from him, putting a wide berth between us as he led me to his room. I may have been stunned, but I did notice the way his hand lingered in the air where my back had been and the cautious glance he cast my way.

When we arrived at his room, he gestured for me to enter first before following himself and firmly closing the door shut behind us. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I had a feeling our conversation this afternoon would play out very differently than those of the other new teachers and their mentors. Not knowing what else to do, I sat in one of the freshly-scrubbed desks, which were arranged in groups of four. He cautiously walked past me, choosing to sit directly across from me so that we were facing each other. Neither of us spoke for what felt like eons before I could take it no more.

"I'm sorry for my reactions today. I was just a little surprised to see you here - to find out who you were. This may be hard to believe, but I never had any idea that you worked here until half an hour ago." I couldn't look at him, instead choosing to watch my finger trace the faux wood pattern on the surface of the laminate desktop.

His suddenly scratchy throat was as much of a surprise as his words.

"I didn't either. But I'm very happy it's you." I chanced a look up into his gorgeous green eyes and found them staring very intently back at me.

I couldn't do this, not with him saying things like that and looking at me so intently. I knew nothing would ever happen between us. If I had ever needed any proof, I had to only think of him and Tanya walking arm and arm the other day. If I was going to make it through this, there needed to be some ground rules.

"Listen, what happened that night…" He looked like he was about to jump in, even going so far as to open his mouth. I hurried on. "We can't talk about it after this. I'm not usually this freaked out by former, well…" I trailed off, letting him fill in the blanks. "But I've never done anything like that before. My behavior that night was deplorable, and I hope that we can move past it and that I will eventually earn your respect as a teacher, if not as a human being."

He waited several minutes before speaking.

"Are you finished?"

"Perhaps. Unless I think of something else."

He smirked at my frazzled composure.

"If we're not going to ever bring up that night, let me start by _not_ saying that your behavior was anything but deplorable. And that I would_ never_ tell you how I could never have anything but the utmost respect for you after what I learned from you that night we will not mention." His eyes were locked with mine, and I was certain I was no longer breathing but taking even a second of attention from him and the words coming from his perfect mouth to check was not an option. "That I am _not_ completely delighted at the opportunity to mentor you this year, as it means I get to spend more time with the woman I met that unthinkable night. That I certainly _haven't_ thought of you everyday since and that I'm _not_ eternally grateful that you might give me a second chance to prove to you what a gentleman I can be after that … unspeakable … night. But, as you wish, I will never mention it again, Miss Swan."

I continued to stare at him, uncertain as to what to say. It was obvious he was giving me a chance and telling me that he would keep our secret just that, a secret. It was in the past, today was a new start and perhaps he could still respect me in the morning.

"Thank you - for not speaking of it."

He smirked at me, the side of his mouth lifting into a half grin. "I wouldn't dream of it, ever. That would just be …forbidden." Jesus Christ, it was comments like that, combined with the automatic panty wetting the man inspired in me, that were not going to let this be easy.

He must have taken pity on me, because he switched the subject to why I became a teacher. We spent the rest of the afternoon going back and forth, both asking questions with evident interest, each soaking up the other's response. After only a few awkward moments on my end, I finally began to relax.

The sudden knock on the door followed by Esme's head popping in shook us both from our animated conversation. I was surprised to see it was quarter to four. Our day was supposed to be over at three thirty, but we were so caught up in our conversation that we ran over without notice. At least, I didn't notice.

"Well, how are things going with you two?"

My smile was genuine when I answered for the both of us. "Great, Esme. Edward is very easy to talk to."

"I knew you two would be perfect together. How are you feeling, honey? Are you doing better now?"

"I'm fine, Esme," I groaned and practically rolled my eyes, much to her delight and Edward's amusement. She left it at that before turning to her son.

"So, didn't I tell you she was amazing? Hmm? You can thank me by coming over for dinner tomorrow night."

Edward copied my actions and rolled his eyes at his mother as well before standing and turning back to me.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get out of here before she can come up with any other hare-brained ideas." I took the hand he offered as he pulled me up from my seat and was assaulted again by the sparks shooting up my arm and down to my core. Didn't he feel that at all?

Edward released my hand to hug his mother.

"Goodbye, Mom. I'll be over for dinner at five tomorrow. And thank you." He kissed her on the cheek before heading for the door. "I'll see you in the morning, Miss Swan."

Before I could even form a reply, he was out the door. Esme wasted no time once Edward left the room.

"So, you two looked awfully chummy."

I huffed a little at her obvious scheming. For all the pushing she was doing, I was beginning to wonder if her intentions didn't extend into personal areas, as well. Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. She must know about Tanya.

"I meant it; we get along great. Thank you, Esme, for making sure my first year here would go smoothly."

"Don't thank me, sweetheart. I couldn't do any less for you."

"Um, Esme?" I approached her hesitantly, not sure where this conversation would lead and a bit terrified at the uncertainty.

"Yes, dear?" She picked up on my discomfort immediately. "Bella, tell me what's on your mind. Did my son do something?"

God help me, I blushed. Of course her son did something or I wouldn't be carrying around her grandchild right this very second.

"No! He was the perfect gentleman. But I was wondering, did you mention anything to him about my, um, pregnancy?" I stumbled on the words, having a difficult time releasing them from my throat.

Esme patted my shoulder while flashing me her soothing smile.

"Of course not, dear. I would not betray you in that way. Your wonderful news is yours to share with whomever you wish. It's not for me to say."

I felt foolish for even thinking she might have told him, but I still had to check. I thanked her sincerely for her discretion before I said my goodbyes for the day and rushed home. With Edward and me staying late, I was going to be late for my dinner with Alice. We were supposed to meet downtown to catch up on our lives. As much as I needed to take back control of my life, Alice was hesitant to relinquish the reins. I was proud of her for not meddling since I moved back to my apartment. I hadn't seen her since the week after my visit to Forks. And with her hectic schedule and all the rapid changes going on in my life, we had a lot to discuss.

I made it to the hole-in-the-wall pizza place just a few minutes late. I noticed Alice immediately tucked into the red vinyl seating at the end of the long row of booths, her slight frame practically hidden by the sweaty mammoth of a guy at the booth in front of her. She waved me over, her genuine smile and sparkling eyes relaxing my frazzled mind. We shared a tight squeeze before I took my seat across from her.

"So, how has your life been these past couple of weeks?"

She started in on the whirlwind of her life, her happy chatter barely slow enough for me to comprehend. What I did catch was how crazy her new job was and how little time she had been able to spend with Jasper recently. She paused long enough to sink her teeth into the cheesy goo of pizza that had arrived.

I took my own slice, smelling the heavenly scent that wafted up to me. For the first time since I could remember, I was famished. I was half way through my third steaming piece when Alice dropped her second onto her plate and released little bells of laughter.

"Jesus, Bella. I've never seen you eat like this. Should I go in the back and see if they have a ham laying around for you to gnaw on? I crumbled my straw wrapper up and flicked it at her, causing another bout of laughter to sprinkle out of her mouth.

"I'm hungry, Alice. This is the first time I have been hungry in months. Let me eat my pizza in peace. I think I just found my first pregnancy craving."

"Isn't the craving supposed to come before the first bite?" She was still smirking at me as I gave her my evilest stink eye while tearing off another hunk of my dinner. She sat and watched me eat for another minute before continuing. "So, how has the baby been?"

"I'm not really sure. To be honest with you, I still don't really feel pregnant."

"Are you sure? Because damn, girl, if those tits get any bigger I'm going to need to move to a different table."

"Shut up, Alice!" I couldn't believe her. My face erupted in flames as I noticed sweaty mammoth man and his slimy buddy glancing back at me with disgusting leers on their faces.

"God, Al, you sure know how to say the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time," I chided her, though she could tell I wasn't really mad.

"So seriously, how have you been feeling?"

"Pretty good, actually. I'm not sleeping around the clock anymore, and I don't need to take the pills to hold food down, either. As you can see, I finally got my appetite back. Other than that and, as you so tactfully pointed out, the ever-expanding size of my bust line," I whispered to her over the noisy din of the diner, "I really don't feel any different. I don't know; as excited as I am I guess it still doesn't seem real to me yet."

"Don't worry, once your belly pops out it will all catch up to you real fast."

"Thanks, Al." I snorted, once again caught off guard by her remark.

"So, how did Jake take the news?" I had told Alice everything the second I got back from Forks. As much as I could see the pain on her face, she kept her feelings to herself until I told her I couldn't take him up on his offer. Then there was no holding back her release of the damn of relief within her.

"Not well, I think. I don't really know. I was awful to him, Al. I told him after he took the morning off from work to take me to a doctor's appointment and after he bought me breakfast. Not to mention, when he was running late on getting back to work and wouldn't be able to stick around to discuss anything."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Belly. You have never held back from him on how you feel, so it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that you would turn him down."

"But I got his hopes up."

"And it was best to bring him back to earth before it went any further. The timing may not have been perfect, but it needed to be done. Don't beat yourself up over it. So, what did he say?"

"Nothing really. He pleaded with me for a bit, but I told him I just couldn't do it. Then I went inside. We've sent a couple of texts back and forth, but nothing to let me know how he's doing. He said we'd still be friends. That's about it."

"Just give him time, Belly. He'll come around."

I saw the twinkle in her eye and the gentle pull at the corners of her mouth before she began on her next topic. "So, how was your first couple of days on the new job?" She saw my involuntary grimace as thoughts of Edward suddenly flooded my mind. "It's only been a couple of days, Bella. Give it some time." How pathetic was my life that she could essentially recycle her words from one conversation to the next and still have them fit appropriately?

"It's not that, Al." I saw her skeptical glance swing my way as she nibbled on her crust. "No, really. I really like the school, and my classroom is exactly how I always dreamed it would be. I am very excited to get in there and make it mine next week. The other new teachers all seem to be great, and I think we'll get along wonderfully. I've already told you a little about my boss, and let's just say that my happiness seems to be forefront on her mind, which can be a bit overwhelming at times but is also really sweet."

"So, then, what is it? I'm failing to see the problem here, Belly."

"It's my mentor. Esme assigned her son to be my mentor for the year." I had already filled her in on this relationship that I would have to form, so she needed no additional details in that department.

"So, what's this guy's deal? Is he a complete dickwad or something?"

"Or something," I hedged. "Did I mention her son is Edward?"

She began choking on the tiny bite of crust she had in her mouth. I handed her a glass of water while snickering at my ability to knock her on her ass for once.

"Holy shit, Bella. A little warning next time?" I laughed at her still-astonished face. "So, you've seen him then? And talked with him?"

"Yes. Esme introduced us when we got back from lunch today, which was the first I learned of his identity, in more ways than one. If you think you were shocked, you should have seen my reaction when he walked up to us. Esme had to be practically brow-beaten into not sending me home sick for the rest of the week."

"So, your baby-daddy's momma is as smitten with you as you are him? This should be interesting."

"To say the least. I get the feeling sometimes that she is trying to set us up."

"Maybe she is. It's not like she'd be so off course with her pairings."

"Yes she would, Alice," my tone suddenly harsh. "Edward is still with Tanya, in case you have forgotten."

"And you are carrying his love child, unless you have forgotten," she parroted back to me in her twinkling voice. I covered my face with my hands, attempting to mask my groan of frustration. "Did the two of you get the chance to speak at all, or are we still not able to be in the same room with him without hyperventilating?"

Although her tone was still teasing, I knew she was hiding her own frustration with me. Alice has always been forthright in her dealings with people, and my inability to deal with situations head on bothered her a great deal.

"We spoke, at length actually. We had our first meeting today which lasted a couple of hours. It was supposed to be a private get-to-know you type thing, but we've obviously already crossed that bridge."

"So, did you tell him about the baby?"

"No, I didn't. And I don't know when I am going to either, so leave it alone."

"You can't keep it a secret forever, Belly. You're over four months pregnant. There isn't going to be any way to hide from that fact in just a couple of weeks. You're lucky you haven't started to show by now as it is."

"I know this Al, but I still haven't figured out what to say, and I don't like feeling cornered into telling him all of a sudden. My plans to write him an unobtrusive letter were just shattered to smithereens, and now I have a giant ticking time bomb waiting to explode with every day that passes that I don't say something."

"Are you going to see him again tomorrow? Alone, I mean?"

"Yes, all day." Tomorrow we would be spending the day with our mentors to continue on the work we started today.

"Find a way to tell him tomorrow then. Trust me, the sooner you do this the easier it will be in the long run."

I knew I would never win with her until all my dirty laundry was hanging out to dry. Perhaps I should just keep all mention of Edward to myself from now on, not that it would stop her from prying.

"Did I tell you I ran into him the other day at the park? It was before my appointment." I knew I hadn't, as we really had not spoken since then. The look she gave me let me know she wasn't fooled by my question either. "Anyway, he was with Tanya. I talked to her for a few minutes about nothing in particular. She seemed really nice, Al. And they seemed happy."

"What does this have to do with you telling the father of your baby that he has a child? Can you not see the importance of that information?"

"Of course I do. But I also saw the way she looked at him." My voice had taken on an almost whiny quality, and I didn't like it. "I don't know how long they've been together, but I get the feeling it was longer than four months. I don't want to hurt her with this information or destroy his relationship with her, either."

"You won't, Bells. What he does with the information is his choice. You only have to tell him."

"We made a mistake, alright. And we thought we were being safe about it. How would you feel if Jasper came home and told you he knocked some stranger up? I could never do that to you, and I won't do it to her."

"It's too late, Bella; it's already done. Mistake or not, safe or not - nothing changes the fact that the two of you are about to have a baby. This is life-hanging for all involved. Whether you want it to be or not doesn't change it. He deserves to know."

I couldn't argue with her. I knew every word she said was the truth and something I would have to face. Soon.

She looked briefly at her watch before cursing under her breath. "Shit. I'm sorry, Belly, but I have to go. Tonight's the first night Jasper and I have the fortune of being home at the same time, and I promised him I'd be home no later than eight. Besides, you have a long drive ahead of you and need to get some sleep before your big day tomorrow." I looked away from her, out the dirt-speckled window with its red and black vinyl letters, choosing to ignore her last statement and all it implied.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your car."


	9. Chapter 9

The remainder of the orientation went smoothly, and I finally stopped freaking out every time Edward walked into a room. What I had forgotten from our first encounter together was how at ease I felt with him. We meshed quite well, in apparently more ways than one. Since that first day of mentoring Edward had not brought up that night. He was always the gentleman without ever pushing the boundaries. It was a startling epiphany when I realized we could be friends, that maybe we were already on our way.

Even though we didn't have to spend the second week together, as the entire staff had to report that week, Edward still kept me close and included me in every activity he did. For this, I was very grateful. Not only did that mean I would get to spend more time with the man who was becoming my biggest ally, he also helped me become comfortable with the school and the rest of the staff. I even finally got to meet the man who was partially responsible for getting me this job. Emmet McCarty turned out to be a huge teddy bear and doofus rolled into one. Between Edward and Esme, I had a feeling I wouldn't want for anything this year.

I still had yet to mention my pregnancy, and I'm afraid it's become the proverbial elephant in the room (on my end, at least). We did not have to report for any meetings this week, but we did have the open house. I came in earlier in the day to put up the finishing touches on my room, and Edward happened to be working on his own classroom next door. Although I had come dressed for the open house in a three-piece chocolate skirt suit that I felt was professional enough to meet my students and their parents in, I had quickly shed the baggy blazer shortly after starting to work around the room.

Funny thing happened to me at the beginning of the week; I was suddenly, very noticeably, pregnant. Monday was the start of my nineteenth week, and this past Saturday I woke up with a belly. I kid you not - it was that instant. I went to bed Friday night with a barely-there bump and woke up feeling like a cow. A very happy, glowing, blissful cow. You couldn't wipe the stupid little grin off my face. I went from the bloated look of post-Thanksgiving pig-out to having half a cantaloupe under my shirt. After an extensive exploration of my bump, I quickly grabbed my phone and did the unthinkable - I took a belly picture and sent it to everyone on Bella Babywatch 2010, as Jasper so aptly referred to it.

I received a call immediately from Esme, who couldn't believe the change from twenty-four hours earlier. She was gushing with pride and had me in happy tears by the time we hung up. Shortly after, I received a phone call from Charlie. His call could not have been more different from Esme's, although I could still hear the tender pride hidden in his carefully chosen words. Alice was true to her character as well, showing up on my doorstep an hour later and squeezing every breath from my growing body. For the remainder of the day, her hands and sometimes ear were glued to my belly.

I still hadn't heard from Jake since my last doctor's appointment, but I wasn't going to hide this from him either. His quick text surprised me as I wasn't sure he was ready to talk to me.

You look beautiful, Bella

Short and simple, that's my Jake.

I was thankful that my clothes still hid my growing bump, for the most part. Other than the most careful eyes, no one could discern my belly behind the loose clothes I had taken to wearing in public for the past week. However, the long t-shirt I wore below my blazer was very form-fitting and showed off all of my curves.

I should have known better. I should have closed my door at the very least. I was standing on a chair with my back to the door when his silky voice startled me.

"Last minute touch-ups, Swan?" He caught me so off guard that I lost my balance while trying to reach the top corner of my bulletin board. Suddenly the world was turning upside down, and his strong arms were surrounding me. While I should have ended up on the floor, fortunately he was right behind me and caught me on my way down.

"Careful! Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." The back of my head landed low on his right shoulder, affording me the opportunity to turn my face into his exposed collarbone while trying to catch my breath. His heavenly scent wasn't helping with that at all!

Edward adjusted me so that his green eyes could search mine, wrought with worry and rendering me unable to move. Not that I wanted to, mind you. I was currently where I had been trying to get back to for months now. Edward was still supporting most of my weight as my feet weren't quite under me yet. His left arm was wrapped tightly across my heaving chest while his other arm was securing my hips to the front of his body.

Slowly, and so carefully, he lowered me until my feet were firmly on the floor. Even still, he kept his arms wrapped tightly around me, making certain I wasn't going to fall, I'm sure.

His eyes left mine for a brief second as he looked down at my rapidly rising and falling chest. I'm positive he was cataloguing the differences between what was before him now and what he might remember from that night; the differences were astounding. I watched his Adam's apple slowly move up and down when his eyes moved back to mine.

With slow, deliberate movements, his eyes began moving down my face to where I was nervously biting at my bottom lip. Continuing on, his gaze crept down my body at the same rate that his right hand left my hip and traveled to the swell of my belly. If that night was the best of my life, this had to be the most erotic moment while fully clothed. I felt his shuddering breath leave his body against my back and neck, the rumble of his chest having an immediate effect on my already over-sensitized nipples. I had to suppress a moan by biting down on my lip even harder.

I would need a change of panties before tonight, that's for certain.

Edward dropped his face to my neck, not as successful as I had been in stifling his moan. I felt his hand rubbing my belly while an entirely different pressure was rapidly growing against my lower back.

"You're pregnant," he stated breathlessly while his other hand moved slowly to cup my right breast, his thumb brushing lightly over my erect nipple. I was glad it wasn't a question, because I could not form a coherent thought at the moment, let alone speak full syllables.

"What the hell are you doing? Get your hands off her!" We both jumped apart, putting several feet between us and turning at the outraged voice behind us. Edward looked uncertain, not wanting to take his eyes off of me until I lowered my still trembling body to sit upon the register behind me.

Holy hell; how could I possibly feel so thoroughly fucked when he barley touched me?

Once he was certain I wasn't going to dissolve into a pile of goo at his feet, he turned back to the angry intruder.

"What are you doing here, Jake?" Was that breathless, uncertain voice really coming from me?

Jacob eyed the two of us suspiciously while Edward examined his brown shiny shoes. "I needed to see you - to apologize for my behavior these past few weeks. I was hoping I could take you to lunch so we could talk?"

I was still having trouble breathing and couldn't understand what was going on, let alone what I thought might have been about to happen. In all the scenarios I had envisioned, this was never how I expected Edward would learn about the baby.

Jacob Black had really shitty timing.

I must have been taking too long to reply, because suddenly Edward was heading for the door.

"I've gotta go. I'll see you later, Bella. Jacob." He slunk past Jake, who was still standing in the doorway, not willing to budge an inch.

Once Edward was gone, the air was much easier to breathe. "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," Jacob snarled at me. His snarky attitude had my hackles raised immediately, now that I could breathe again, that is.

"You were!" I barked back.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! The guy was mauling you. You're a pregnant woman, for crying out loud!"

"He wasn't doing anything that you don't wish you were doing." My voice was steely with barely controlled anger. How dare he presume ownership of my body and what I did! I knew my last comment was a low blow, and perhaps he didn't quite deserve that.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. But honestly, what I do is none of your business," I said with much more compassion than I felt he deserved. "Now come on, take me to lunch."

The ride to the restaurant was stilted and uncomfortable, at best. Jacob sat hunched in the driver's seat, looking like a puppy that just got its ass reamed for chewing its master's slippers. Good, let him stew for a bit.

I waited until after we had ordered before breaking the tension. "Jake, we need to talk."

"That was the plan."

"True. But I think you probably had another topic in mind when you decided to take me to lunch." Now he looked really worried, not even bothering to look at me anymore across the small, round table.

"I'm really sorry, Bells. I just freaked out when I saw him. I had no idea you wanted him to, to…" he stuttered, not knowing how to finish.

"It's okay, Jake. Easy mistake. And you're right; there was no way you could have known. This leads me back to what I want to talk to you about." Now he did look at me, curiosity burning in his eyes. Naturally, he probably assumed I would want to discuss the reason for our alienation or what he had interrupted.

"I've known Edward for a bit longer than what you probably think."

"I hadn't even realized the two of you worked together." Jake's penetrating gaze let me know he was curious as to where this was going.

"Well, I didn't know that either, until my orientation, that is."

"So then, what are you saying? I don't see why this is important. If you are trying to make me feel better for what I interrupted, don't worry about it. I know that wasn't my place."

I smiled sadly at him. He had no clue. "Actually, that's not what this is about. I met Edward a few months ago at a party that Alice dragged me to. We hit it off right away."

Jake snorted, looking completely uncomfortable with the turn this conversation had taken.

"He's the baby's father, Jake."

Whatever he thought I was going to say, that was obviously not it. His chocolate eyes bugged out of his face as he darted them quickly around the crowded bistro, packed for the lunch hour.

"Wow," he gasped out. "I wasn't expecting that." I tried to smile at him again, but he grimaced and turned his face away. "So I take it you told him? Apparently, he was thrilled."

"Um, not exactly."

"What an ass." I realized the misinterpretation immediately. He thought Edward wasn't happy about the baby. More importantly, that he wasn't happy about being my baby's father - something Jake wanted desperately to be.

"What I meant was I haven't told him yet."

"What do you mean? He clearly knows; it's quite obvious."

"Yes, I realize that. But this is the first time he's seen me quite so… exposed. I haven't said anything to him because I'm too much of a coward. He caught me off guard today; I didn't even know he was in the room. As you've so blatantly pointed out, there's no hiding the pregnancy now. So yes, he knows."

"And what did he have to say about it?"

"We hadn't actually gotten that far."

"Really? Because from where I was standing, it looked like if I had shown up ten minutes later you would have gone all the way." Damn him and my inability to control the flush that overtook my face. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."

"You can't keep doing that, Jake. Saying and doing whatever you want and thinking I'm going to forgive you two seconds later just because you apologize."

"What, you think this is fucking easy for me, Bella?"

"No, I know it's not easy for you, Jake. But that's not my fault, and I shouldn't have to feel guilty for it. I'm sorry you feel the way you do and that I don't feel the way you want me to, but there's nothing I can do about that, either. I can't live my life walking on eggshells around you. I'm pregnant, it's not yours, the baby is Edward's, and yes, I have feelings for him. I don't want to argue with you, but I'm not going to deal with you being pissy, either - especially when you have no claim over me or my baby. This is my life and my decision."

"Are you finished?"

"Are you?"

Now he looked really dejected, his brow wrinkling with agony.

"Damn it, Bella. Can't we just hit the rewind button and go back a couple of hours? All I really wanted to do was take you to lunch and apologize for shutting you out for the past few weeks. I had a whole speech prepared. I was planning on groveling for your forgiveness and hoping we could still be friends."

"Jake, I wasn't the one who went away. That's all I've ever wanted to be was your friend. But I can't have you walking around like a jilted ex, either."

"I won't, I promise. I'm really sorry, Bells."

"You're doing it again. You made a decision that affected our relationship, and then expect me to forgive you when you fall at my feet with apologies." He looked crushed, certain I wasn't going to let him back in. "Lucky for you, that was my last dose of forgiveness. Don't screw up again, Jacob Black, because I won't accept Possessive Jake any more. Deal?"

"Deal." We shook on it over the table and he smiled at my gesture, although it never quite reached his eyes.

"Now, take me back to work. I still have way too many arrangements to make and not enough time until the open house."

"Do you want some help? I'm free for the afternoon and would love to make it up to you." He saw my hesitancy, so he hurried on. "Please Bells, let me be your slave for the afternoon. It's the least I can do after all the shit I gave you."

Maybe Jake helping out wouldn't be such a bad idea. Not only would I get my room put together that much faster, but I didn't think Edward would try to see me, either. As much as I wanted to see him again, and perhaps make another attempt at the conversation we had started with our bodies earlier, I needed time to think through what had happened. And work didn't seem like the appropriate place to have that conversation, anyway. I didn't need any co-workers or, God forbid, parents walking in and discovering two teachers fornicating.

"I think that is a brilliant idea. Come along, slave boy."


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey Swan, you ready for battle?"

I smiled at the man sauntering up to stand beside me, a nervous ball of anxiety and excitement. Students would begin filling the halls in just a few moments, and I was as prepared as I could be for the first day.

"As ready as I'll ever be, Cullen." I was right in my assumption that Edward would keep his distance if I brought Jake back with me last Wednesday. It was probably for the best, as I had a lot to focus on as it was. When Jake had left and I slipped on my teacher persona with my blazer, thoughts of Edward and what happened earlier in the afternoon were left behind. We were civil to each other that night, neither letting on that anything unseemly had occurred. He never spoke of the suspicious bump that continued to grow on my belly, and I never let on that the mere scent of him made my nether lips quiver.

I had heard some women experienced a sexual surge during the second trimester, but this was ridiculous and completely unfair.

Now we were standing outside my door, waiting for the first bell to ring that would allow the students to enter the building. I suddenly gasped, my hands flying to my belly. He looked at me with instant worry in his eyes.

"What's wrong? Bella, are you okay? Talk to me, sweetie," he cried.

"Yeah," I breathed, realization dawning on me. "I think I just felt the baby move."

"Really? he asked, a silly little grin spreading across his face to match the one on mine.

"Yeah. Here." I took hold of one of his hands, placing it on the spot where I had felt the tiny flutter. Almost immediately, I felt the movement for a second time. "There it is again! Did you feel it?"

"No." Although he hadn't felt anything, his face was still lit up. He confidently placed his other hand on the other half of my belly, effectively covering the entire thing, waiting for something to happen.

"It's probably too soon to feel it from the outside. It shouldn't be too much longer though." We both stood there, staring down at his hands on my belly, waiting for something to happen. Neither of us found the situation uncomfortable or odd, both basking in the moment.

"Do you know what it is yet?"

I couldn't help myself; I smiled a huge toothy grin.

"A baby," I answered, in all seriousness.

He snorted at me, laughing at my little joke.

"Bella," he sighed with amusement coating his breathy whisper while his hands started to slowly rub circles on my belly.

"No, I don't. I have an appointment this Thursday after school for an ultrasound. Hopefully, I'll be able to find out then." The baby kicked again, and I couldn't help the bubble of laughter. I intertwined my fingers of one hand with one of his, the other lightly settling on his wrist as we stood there staring at each other with huge smiles plastered on our faces.

"What are you two so happy about?" Esme's crystal voice caught my attention and I turned my head to face her, my joy never leaving my face and Edward's focus never leaving my body.

"I just felt the baby move, Esme. It's the first time!" She elegantly squealed her excitement while rushing the last few steps to envelop me in a careful hug. Then she moved one of her hands to join ours.

"This is so exciting, Bella," she said before kissing me on my cheek. I couldn't imagine what we must have looked like, three grown adults staring down at my belly with huge-ass grins on all our faces.

The bell finally rang, bringing with it the onslaught of pre-teen voices, and the moment was gone. Reluctantly, Edward removed his hands and excused himself. "Don't forget, I'm right next door if you need anything. Just send a student, or call. Whatever."

I nodded at him, no longer nervous about my first day. "Okay then, I'll see you at prep hour," and he turned to leave. Esme hugged and kissed me one more time before heading out to greet the students now cramming the halls.

The day passed without further incident. My students seemed to be a great group of kids, and I couldn't wait to watch them grow before me as the days passed by. I spent my entire prep hour with Edward, rather than the brief ten minutes we were required to meet for our meeting. The precedent was set, and we spent every prep hour together, as well as lunch hour.

The only downside to my day was the third teacher that was a part of our team. Jessica Stanley, an annoying ditz with starstruck eyes for Edward alone, was the science teacher. How this dimwit ever got a degree, let alone a job, was beyond me. My room was sandwiched between hers and Edward's, and I had to suffer through her shameless flirting with him each time our classes switched. Edward caught my eye roll at her obvious attempt and smirked at me before mouthing "behave". I faked appalled at his jibe just before he disappeared into his room behind his class, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

"What's her deal?" I had asked him the next time we were alone.

"You really want to know?"

I met his challenge head on. "Of course. I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"Okay, but I'm gonna have to break cardinal rule number one." Before I fully grasped what he was referring to, he went on. "Don't you remember her from the party?"

Damn, I really hated my traitorous body for blushing and giving all my secrets away. He chucked me under the chin and gave me a slight grin before I pulled myself out of it and shook my head no.

"Well, you may not have seen her, or anyone else for that matter," he laughed, thinking back on that night and just where my attention had been. "But she was the one who was chasing after your buddy, Mike Newton. Remember Mike?"

He was not playing fair. I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he was enjoying this conversation purely because of my reactions rather than any of the details he was giving me.

"Fucking Mike Newton," I mumbled under my breath, but not quiet enough to go unnoticed, apparently. "What ever happened to him?" I asked a bit louder.

"Oh, he's still around. He teaches at the middle school, actually. You'll see him around eventually." Great.

"So, she was at the party? You still haven't answered my question. Obviously, she isn't still hung up on Mike."

He laughed again before leering at me. "And what makes you say that, Miss Swan?" I perfectly raised one eyebrow to him in challenge; did I really need to spell it out for him? "She's harmless, I assure you. She just likes attention and has no problem seeking it. I think maybe she was neglected as a child." We shared a laugh at his poor joke.

"Actually, she was hounding after me that night, but I knew Mike would take the bait if I said she was searching for him. As much aggravation as he feigned, Mike can't resist a woman throwing herself at him. They're a match made in heaven."

"She was throwing herself at you?"

"Everything I just said, and that's the one detail you clasped onto?" His damn eyes were still sparkling with bridled laughter as he held my gaze. "Like I've told you, it's nothing I can't handle."

"It just seems unprofessional. That's all."

My favorite little crooked smile graced his features for a moment as he continued to stare into me, almost as though he just found what he had been looking for. "Huh," he let out before quickly reaching out to firmly tug the hem of my shirt and brushing the tips of his fingers against the belly beneath before turning and heading back to his room.

What the hell?

Jessica's shameless flirting continued despite the evil glares I cast her way, much to Edward's delight. He found this entire situation much too amusing for my taste. And I swear, sometimes he flirted back just to see my reaction. But I was on to him now; I always knew when he was going to respond to one of her innuendos or bat his eyelashes back at her by the smug grin he'd throw at me first. It didn't matter one way or another whether he flirted back with her or not. Every breath he took she interpreted as him coming on to her – he could accidently bump into her and she would construe it as foreplay. No, I knew he did it because he took sadistic pleasure in watching me try to contain my disgust.

I would have to simply let the matter drop, or perhaps approach Esme about it discreetly if I didn't want to give away the true reason behind my distaste for Jessica's actions. Honestly, who wouldn't be appalled by her behavior? But I knew Edward would see right through me if I continued to act bothered by it. My best option was to treat it like a joke, much the way he did.

Because the week started late due to Labor Day, we held our team meeting on Thursday as opposed to the planned Wednesdays. As my room was in the middle, it was volunteered for our weekly get-togethers. Edward showed up first and took his usual seat. Only three days in and we had already established a routine, and I couldn't tell you how tickled I was that we had any sort of pattern for anything we did. I liked it a bit too much – routines with Edward, mmm.

Much like our first day of orientation, we chose to sit in the students' desks across from one another. I finished up my banana before grabbing a yogurt and heading over to sit across from him. I should have seen the mistake this would be as Jessica walked in and her eyes lit up to see the seat next to him available.

Harmless, my ass. She wanted him.

I tried to ignore her blatant attempts to win his attention, which was easier said than done. Of course, she had no trouble at all ignoring me. The only time she would directly speak to me was in an attempt to humiliate me or discuss her filthy little thoughts of Edward.

"Bella, should you really be eating right now? This is a meeting, you know, not break time. And besides that, you look like you could afford to go without."

Whatever, bitch. I was hungry all the time now, and this little bitch was not going to dictate when I could or could not eat. Edward must have seen the fire in my eyes, because he quickly responded before I had the chance.

"Miss Stanley, this is our break time, and Bella should eat every few hours right now. The baby needs the nourishment." Jessica's eyes popped out of her head at the mention of the baby, obviously not yet aware that I was pregnant. Of course, I hadn't told anyone yet, but I thought my midsection said enough. Ignorant bitch probably thought I was sporting a beer belly. "And I think your opinion is completely misguided if you are meaning to imply she should loose a few pounds. Bella looks amazing." Edward was defending me? I knew Jessica was only speaking out of spite, and her words certainly didn't hold any weight with me. She irritated the piss out of me, but she couldn't throw anything my way that I couldn't handle. I appreciated the gesture, but his words were really unnecessary. "Actually Bella, that looks delicious. Could I have a little bite?"

I saw the dare in his eyes, and hell if I wouldn't meet it. I made a show of very slowly sucking my spoon clean before swirling it into the cup to gather a dollop of the creamy treat. I needlessly bent forward as he practically leaned over both our desks to reach me. Very gradually, I pushed the spoon into his waiting mouth. Just as deliberately as I had, he sucked the spoon clean at a leisurely rate, treating the spoon as a lover's mouth. For the icing on the cake, I made a point to wipe the tiny drop off of his upper lip with my index finger. His naughty little grin overtook his entire face as he grasped my hand delicately in his and sucked my finger into his burning mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip while his dancing eyes never left mine.

Holy fuckhawt!

We both dropped back into our seats, slightly panting.

I'm gonna have to start keeping a spare pair of panties in my desk for such occasions as this.

"Thank you, Bella. That was…delicious."

"Anytime, Edward. I always have a yogurt handy."

He smirked at me, casting a quick glance at Jessica's stunned face. I had completely forgotten she was even in the room, let alone the inspiration for that little charade. I quickly peeked over at her as well, not missing the daggers her eyes were hurling at me. Without missing a beat, she turned to him and began hounding him about his summer break. Seriously, were we still in high school?

Our joke of a meeting continued with nothing much being accomplished. I sincerely could not believe I was giving up my prep hour for this. I must have been drifting off, because there was a quick little nudge to the side of my thigh. It was enough to startle me out of my musings before I felt another, much gentler nudge. Reaching down, I grabbed his shoeless foot and pushed it off my lap. That lasted for all of three seconds before the foot was back to wiggling around in my lap. This time, I clamped my hand tightly around the arch of his foot, holding it still. He seemed pleased with himself as he leaned back into his chair with a smug grin on his face as he continued to banter with Jessica.

Three things emerged from that hour. One: Edward was not allowed to sit across from me during our team meetings. His designated seat from now on was the one next to mine. Two: He no longer flirted with Jessica, ever. In fact, every interaction I witnessed between the two of them from then on was overly polite and stilted on his part. The final change was in Jessica. The girl didn't go anywhere without a damn strawberry yogurt.


	11. Chapter 11

When I arrived at work on Friday morning, Edward was waiting for me out in the parking lot with a small paper bag and two steaming cups in his hands. This was a break in our 'normal' routine, as we usually just greeted each other before class, sometimes catching a moment to talk. Mornings were still hectic for me with trying to make sure I was completely prepared for the day. Of course, I knew exactly what he was waiting for when I stepped from my truck.

"So, how'd it go?" What, not even the pretense of niceties anymore?

"What's in the bag?" If he was giving up on pretenses then so was I.

I could already smell the mocha wafting my way. Somehow, the man had figured out I had a thing for all things chocolate and made a quick guess that mochas were my weakness. He had strolled up to me yesterday morning, pretending nonchalance as he casually sipped from a steaming mug. It took all of thirty seconds for me to weasel it away from him, so I'm glad he wasn't even pretending today and had two in his hands. His parting words had left me unsettled as to just how much he knew about pregnant women. "Two cups per day, Swan. I asked for half decaf, but with that much chocolate, I think this should probably be it."

"Uh, uh, uh. First, you have to spill it. Come on, tell me what happened."

I shot what I hoped was a menacing glare at him. "You should know better by now than to try to get anything out of my grumpy ass this early in the morning without first feeding me caffeine. Hand it over, Cullen."

"Fine." He handed me the coffee, knowing full well that I wanted whatever was in that bag. I reached for it, trying to snatch it from his hands. "Now Bella, I gave you one, now you have to give me some. Come on, spill."

"Fine," I replied, pausing to take a huge gulp of the piping hot mocha, letting the chocolate silk slowly cascade down my throat before continuing. I didn't care that it was half decaf, that shit was good. "I had to pee." I made as if to take the bag again, but his damn quick hands were always one step ahead of mine.

"You said you wanted details. That was a pretty big detail. Do you know how much water they made me drink?" I was well aware that he knew precisely how much water I had to drink. "I had to piss so bad before the thing even started; I spent about an hour on the toilet when we were done." He smirked at my lame joke before handing me the bag. I squealed when I saw the giant chocolate-covered cinnamon roll inside. "Oh my God, Edward. You are amazing!"

"So I've heard." I lightly slugged him on the shoulder as I thought back to the day before and my appointment after school. I knew he wouldn't mind me eating the entire thing before expecting answers, so I let my mind wander for a minute.

I should have seen this morning coming, really, after his parting remarks yesterday. I was walking down the quiet halls, leaving earlier than normal because of the appointment, when I heard his quick steps running behind me. "Hey, Swan?" I had turned to see him just as he caught up with me.

"What's up?" I thought maybe he needed to fill me in on something for the following day, so when he handed me a giant thermos I was slightly confused. He noticed my perplexed expression and moved on to clear up my silent inquiry.

"It's water. You're supposed to drink thirty-two ounces of water an hour before your appointment. Better get chugging."

I smiled up at him, amazed that he would even think of something like this. His answering smile melted my heart just a little bit, and I'm sure if I were a cartoon character you would have seen little red hearts beating in my eyes to go with the stupid grin pasted on my face. "I'll see you tomorrow, and I expect a full report."

I laughed at him as I slid onto the seat of my truck, still holding tightly to the thermos. I waved goodbye before starting the engine and quickly exiting the parking lot so that he couldn't see the stupid smile still fastened in place.

Alice had met me at my apartment to take me to the appointment. I had to run in and change real quick, but I was back out in her car, still clutching the damn thermos just minutes later. We chatted for a while on the way there, catching up on the week's events. We always had so much to fill each other in on now that we were no longer roommates. Our conversation continued through the filling out of paperwork and right on into the locker rooms so I could change into the paper-thin gown. When we were finally seated in the waiting room, she eyed me wearily.

"What?"

"What's with the mug?"

I rolled my eyes at her. That's all? "It's water. I have to drink it all before my appointment."

"Yes, I know what it is. I'm just curious why you won't put the silly thing down. Don't even try saying it's not gone, because I heard you slurping the last of it down when we were still in the parking lot." Her eyebrows were towering high on her forehead as she stared me down, challenging me to even try to finagle my way out of an honest explanation. "Now, I've offered to hold it for you twice, once out in the office while you were busy writing and the other time while you were changing, yet you vehemently refused to relinquish it."

Had I really? I hadn't even noticed. Damn, I've got it bad. There was no point in lying to Alice, she could always see through everything anyway.

"Edward gave it to me on my way out," I admitted to her sheepishly. I dared a glance up at her eyes to see her knowing smile light up her perfect little fairy face.

"And how is Baby-Daddy these days?"

"He's good. He's really good." Alice shrieked at that, stomping her feet up and down while pummeling her legs with her fists, unable to contain her excitement. "God, I've missed you, Alice. I miss our girl talks."

Still smiling ear to ear, she wrapped one arm around my shoulder. "I miss you too, babe, but stop trying to change the subject. So, what's going on with the two of you?"

Since we were the only two in the waiting room, I didn't hesitate to fill her in on our working antics, making sure not to leave out Jessica and the yogurt story. I had almost forgotten that I hadn't told her about what happened last Wednesday before Jake ruined everything, but just as I was about to get into it, I was called back for the ultrasound.

We held off on any more conversation as I lay back on the gray bed, trying my hardest not to think about how much I had to pee. That really wasn't a problem once the stick started to roll around my gelled stomach. As I stared at the grainy image on the screen, I could suddenly make out the very clear image of a baby. I lay there in total awe as the technician took her pictures. Before I knew it, she switched over to another monitor and device when an entirely different image appeared on the screen. This was the 3-D image ultrasound that I had always considered to be a bit freaky, to be quite honest. Now, however, I was able to make out every little detail of my baby's features.

"Do you want to know the sex?"

Alice giggled beside me, clutching my hand. "I think it's quite obvious what the sex is - unless I'm looking at this wrong?"

The technician smiled at Alice's astute observation. "Nope, you're seeing it clearly. Congratulations, Miss Swan. From the looks of everything here, you appear to be having a healthy baby boy."

Tears streamed down my face, and I had no words for her. My eyes were still transfixed to the screen as she got up and began shuffling around the room. I only snapped them away when she shut the machine off and handed me a small stack of flimsy papers. I immediately recognized the stack as photos of my baby.

"Belly, you're having a baby boy!" Alice was still trying to contain her atomic energy. I handed her the pictures before standing abruptly.

"I have to pee."

Once on our way home, she began in again on Edward. "So, how did your revealing conversation go with Baby-Daddy?" I dropped my eyes slightly, giving myself away. "You haven't told him yet! Are you crazy? I don't understand Bella; he obviously seems interested. He's even reading up on pregnancies, for crying out loud."

Edward reading up on pregnancies? That was nonsense. I'm sure this was all knowledge he already knew. I gave her a pointed look, at which she frowned. "We can talk about anything else, but we are not going there right now."

"When are we going there, Belly? When you're in labor or when your kid wants to know why he looks so much like that teacher guy from your work?"

"I'm going to tell him, it just hasn't come up yet." She shot me a scowl, not believing a word I was saying. "Seriously, Al, there were so many times I was so close, only to be interrupted by others." I then remembered how I wanted to tell her about last week and started in on that story, knowing it would distract her from this conversation. I also added in the tummy touching, just for kicks.

As I wiped the last of my crumbs from my mouth with a napkin, I was brought back to the present by a gentle squeeze to my shoulder. I looked up into Edward's eager eyes, remembering Alice's assurances yesterday that he was ready.

"Do you want to see the pictures?"

"You brought in pictures?" he asked, sounding astounded that I would think to do this.

"Of course I did. You wanted full details, remember?"

We were now in my room, and I sat my things on my desk before he helped me with my sweater. Reaching into my purse, I pulled the small stack of photos out and handed them over. He absent-mindedly sat in my chair as he poured over each photo in awe. I moved to his side, leaning into him as I pointed out some of the details of the photos and filling him in on what happened at the appointment.

"And that right there is his penis." I pointed to our son's genitalia, which he probably didn't need pointing out, but I still wanted to tell him out loud that we were going to have a son.

He stayed on the picture for quite some time, taking in every aspect of our baby's round little head, curved torso, long arms and bent legs. I felt him shift beside me as he brought his hand up to begin rubbing my back. I was still staring at him, waiting for some reaction which didn't seem forthcoming. Finally, he slid his hand around my waist and pulled me onto his lap, still never taking his eyes from the picture of our son.

"You should be sitting," he muttered, still staring. I smirked at him, but allowed it, even leaning back into him and wrapping my arm around the back of his neck. For support, of course.

"This is so amazing," he finally whispered, his words laced with awe. I understood how he felt as I finally let my eyes leave his face to look at the picture. I gently ran my finger over his little nose on the fragile paper, barely able to take it all in myself. Edward moved his arm from my waist to wrap it farther around me as he gently began stroking my belly.

The first bell broke us out of our trance - another missed opportunity. I very slowly unraveled myself from him before standing, suddenly too relaxed and wanting a nap. He stood as well and reluctantly gave me the stack of photos. I took the top one that he had been staring at for so long, and kissed the little nose I had just caressed minutes ago.

"Keep it," I held it out to him, hoping he would understand the gravity of the gesture. With trembling fingers, he took the picture from my own before leaning over to place a lingering kiss on my temple and walking out the door before any of our students could catch something.

I checked my cell phone as soon as I dropped the kids off at gym. I had tried calling people last night, but only got through to a couple. I still hadn't heard from Jake or Charlie. My eyes lit up when I saw I had a missed call from Charlie. Of course he didn't leave a message. I knew Edward wouldn't mind, so I hit the send key immediately.

Charlie's exuberance was contagious. This entire day was turning out to be fantastic. As a matter of fact, these past few weeks have been amazing, and the reason for that just strolled in, dropping a mini Three Musketeers in front of me. My eyes thanked him as he took his usual seat. I held up one finger, letting him know I'd be off in just a minute, but he shook his head and mouthed for me to take my time.

Apparently, although I hadn't been able to get a hold of either of them, Charlie and Jake had been chatting it up last night, discussing my womb and its contents.

"Dad, stop. I don't think he's going to be up for any fishing trips for a few years yet. I'm sure Jake did agree to bring him home for the weekend, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let it happen. Admit it; three grown men with a baby for the weekend and you guys would be clueless. I will not subject my son to that." I listened to him for a couple more minutes, trying to not let him get too carried away with his future plans for his grandson. Finally, I had to let him go with a promise to talk to him soon so we could schedule another visit.

"Sorry about that - my dad." I nodded my head towards the now closed phone sitting on my desk. "I couldn't get a hold of him last night and I saw that he called, so..."

"Don't worry about it. This is your free time. I'm just the mean ogre who likes to monopolize it." I smiled at him, appreciating his tease although seeing a darkness brooding in his eyes. "So, your dad sounds pretty excited about the baby?"

"Yeah, which I have to admit is a relief. I was really worried how he would take it and thought he was handling it all too well when Jake and I went home and gave him the news. I guess I don't have to worry anymore, he's already fitting him for a pair of waders." I smiled at the image in my mind, rubbing my belly affectionately.

Something was up with Edward, but I couldn't put my finger on what. When I asked him about it, he just shrugged it off, blaming the kids' crazy behavior due to it being Friday. I didn't believe him, but I let it go.

He was just as distant at lunch time, not really talking to me the way he normally would in the lounge. Even Emmett noticed his subdued behavior and called him on it. Edward shrugged it off, claiming he was tired before excusing himself.

"Do you know what's going on with him, Bella? You see him more than anybody," Emmett asked once Edward was gone. The comment was innocent enough, but I still blushed like crazy.

"I don't know. He won't give me a straight answer either. He was great this morning, but by our prep hour he was acting like this."

Emmett shrugged before turning back to his lunch. I continued to nibble on my celery sticks and dip, still wondering at Edward's withdrawn behavior.

When I walked back into my classroom, I was shocked to see the ultrasound picture I had given Edward this morning sitting on my desk. What the hell did this mean? I slumped down into my seat, clutching the picture to my chest, not even bothering to stop the tears from streaming down my face. Was he not ready to be a father? Did he think I was pushing him? Maybe he realized how close we seemed to be getting and was feeling guilty because of Tanya? God, I hurt.

I was unable to talk to him for the remainder of the day, and he left right after school without even saying goodbye. Which meant I had the entire weekend ahead of me to drive myself crazy over this. To top it all off, Alice had insisted we spend the weekend updating my poorly fitting wardrobe with maternity clothes. I had been able to successfully hide my belly all week, or at least pass it off as a beer belly in the case of Jessica. Anyway, no one approached me about it. Come Monday morning, everyone would know, and I would be making a statement with my clothing that it was free game for conversation. A brooding Edward, shopaholic Alice and a not-so-subtle declaration that would spotlight the attention towards me - life just wasn't fair.


	12. Chapter 12

A month had passed and now it was nearing the middle of October. The leaves on all the trees had turned to gorgeous shades of reds, yellows and oranges. I really felt in control of my teaching and was having a far better time of it than I had anticipated. Edward had shown up for work the following Monday after my ultrasound as his usual self. He was completely at ease, even teasing me the same as always. But something was definitely missing that had been there before.

I tried not to let this turn effect me, but I had to admit I missed the casual ease we hadn't shared since the morning he looked at the ultrasound photos. Although we still spent a lot of time together, he always seemed to have other things to do during our prep periods.

It took me almost two weeks before I could pinpoint what exactly was missing, but realization dawned when it began to bother me that other people felt they had free reign over my belly. Even Esme's loving touches were beginning to irritate me. When I almost barked at her for patting my back, I realized something was wrong with me. Thankfully, she did not notice my knee-jerk reaction. At first, I thought I was simply angry because everyone felt they had the right to pat my belly whenever they felt like it. After a couple of days, I figured out that it wasn't casual touches that bothered me so, but the fact that I wished it was Edward every time someone else would reach out to me. That's when I realized he no longer touched me.

I was now twenty-five weeks pregnant, and felt like I was smuggling a bowling ball under my shirts. My feet were in a constant state of swollen, and all the extra water I had been consuming to combat it left me needing to pee every half hour. Thank God for Esme - she would wordlessly show up in my room every hour like clockwork to allow me a potty break.

My new-found girth meant that I moved around much more slowly than I was used to. While I had never been a morning person, lately it was practically impossible for me to roll out of bed on time. And I literally do mean roll. I was petrified to think that I probably waddled as well. It shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone that there were days when I would leave my apartment without grabbing anything to eat. There simply wasn't enough time.

This morning was one of those mornings when I didn't have time to eat. I was usually able to grab a snack of some sort from my stash, but replenishing it was one more thing I was supposed to do today that slipped my mind. I felt the morning falling out of my control as everything around me seemed to be in a constant state of chaos. My kids were great, rolling with the punches and liking the out-of-norm morning.

We were hastily getting ready to head to art when I felt the world closing in on me. I suddenly couldn't breathe, and blackness was pushing at the edges of my vision. I tried to grasp onto something, anything, as I stood at the front of the room with students milling around me without a notice of anything amiss. I felt my legs go out from under me and pudgy, small hands grabbing onto my arms as I collapsed to the floor.

I had no idea how long I was out for, but I soon found myself in a state of semi-consciousness, with full awareness just out of reach. I could still hear what was going on around me, even if I could do nothing about it. The class erupted into mass pandemonium, with several students yelling. Several were shouting orders, and one student had the presence of mind to call the office.

The next thing I was aware of was strong, capable hands gently pulling me up. His smell engulfed me and I took comfort in that, at least. "It's okay, Greg; I got her. You can let go." I felt the pudgy hands drop from my arms, and Edward's heat began to seep into my too cold body. He began rocking me back and forth, brushing the hair away from my forehead. "Come on, Bella. Open those beautiful eyes for me." I tried, but they felt laced down. "Bella, honey, open your eyes." Slowly, I was able to pry my eyes open and noticed the huge grin spread over his face. "There you are. Welcome back." I just stared into his eyes, afraid that if I looked away I would faint again. "Aaron, run over to my room and bring me a candy bar out of the top drawer of my desk. Grab a couple."

Despite the calm, authoritative voice he was using, I could feel the tremors in his hands. I had scared him. "Are you okay?" I nodded a little, still not trying to move. "Alright guys, let's line up quickly so we can get to art. We're already a couple minutes late." I heard a few groans and voices expressing their concern. "Miss Swan's fine, she just forgot to eat this morning. We'll get some sugar into her and she'll be back to bossing you guys around like normal by the time you get back." I tried to smile at my students, who were all still staring with concerned looks and a little bit of fright.

Esme ran into the classroom, taking stock of the scene before her. "Edward, what's going on?"

"She's okay, just low blood sugar, I think. Ma, can you take her class to art? They're already late. And could you stop in the lounge to see if there's any fruit lying around? She should eat something more nutritious than a candy bar." Esme nodded and led the class out. Edward fumbled one-h--anded with the shiny, silver wrapper, eventually tearing it with his teeth before holding it up to my lips. "Bite," he ordered, and I did. "I'm right, aren't I? You missed breakfast this morning, right?" I nodded weakly at him while he held the bar up for another bite. "What am I going to do with you, Bell? I guess I'll have to start bringing you cinnamon rolls every morning so I can be sure you eat." He sounded serious, but I could see the teasing glint in his eye.

"Should I call an ambulance?" All teasing was gone from his worried voice.

"No," I slipped out, still too weak to find my full voice. "I'm sorry," I croaked, feeling traitorous tears slipping out of my eyes.

"Silly girl, no apologies," he whispered before pulling me close again to rock me. I took the rest of the candy car from his hands, capable of holding it myself now. He continued to rock me, humming a tune that I was all too familiar with while dropping kisses in my hair intermittently. "Are you sure you're okay? I'm not comfortable with you not getting checked out."

"I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I'll tell him about it." He took the wrapper from my hand before replacing it with another full bar.

"Should I call someone for you?" He almost sounded scared with his question, but I chalked it up to the morning's events. I shook my head no while trying to pull myself closer to him. He responded by adjusting me so that my head could rest in the crook of his neck rather than the bend of his elbow. The large swell of my belly was now pushing into his hard stomach. Without thinking, for the first time in a month, he reached down and caressed my belly.

"You're touching me." His hands paused for a split second before he slowly began rubbing small circles on my belly again. "It's been over a month since you last touched me."

"I didn't think you'd noticed."

"Of course I did. So did the baby. He likes you, ya know?"

"I think we need to get more sugar in you, Swan, you're talking crazy."

"No, it's true. He starts doing somersaults whenever you speak."

"Really?" he asked, his voice full of wonder.

"Yeah."

"Come on. Let's get you comfortable."

"I am comfortable." He laughed at me, but it was true. I had practically fallen asleep in his arms. He stood to his feet and effortlessly carried me over to the reading corner where I had bean bags and oversized pillows for the kids. He pushed the pillows around with his feet, arranging them into a make-shift bed before gently laying me down. I snuggled into the cushions, barely noticing when he stood to walk across the room.

Esme walked in while he was fiddling with something over by the window. Her voice caused me to open my eyes, and I saw Edward was drawing all the blinds and now turning one of my CDs on down low.

"How is she?" Esme's concern was deep, and she was looming over me in no time. Edward joined her after turning the lights off, both staring down at me as if I wasn't actually in the room and couldn't speak for myself.

"She'll be fine. She just missed breakfast, and I think she needs some rest."

I kept my eyes closed, unable to handle the blatant fawning these two were doing over me. "Maybe I should call in a sub for the rest of the day?"

"No, Esme. Edward's right. I just forgot to eat breakfast this morning, and it caught up with me. I'll be fine by the time the kids are ready to come back. Honestly."

"If you're sure? I'll be back to check on you in a bit. Edward, I assume you will be staying with her for now." I missed whatever his silent answer had been, as my eyes were still sealed shut. "I'll leave you to get some rest. Take care, Bella."

I smiled for her, hoping she was looking to see. "Thank you, Esme."

I had just about drifted off to sleep when I felt the cushions shift beneath me and cool fingers pushing hair away from my forehead again. I opened my eyes slowly to take in the man beside me. He was in a semi-reclining state, perching himself up with his left elbow as he loomed over me. I shut my eyes again and snuggled closer to him, wanting to be in his comforting aura. I felt his heavy exhale on my chin as his right hand returned to my belly, rubbing certain, wide circles over me. The baby let loose a powerful kick, right to the palm of his hand. "I told you, he likes you," I murmured.

"Wow, that is so amazing." His voice was again coated with wonder. "I can feel him!"

"You could have felt him a lot sooner, you know."

"I'm sorry." I didn't answer, letting the moment be. I continued to lay there while he traced patterns on my belly, chasing the movements of our son with his fingers. The soulful moans of Van Morrison reached my ears as one of my favorite songs began playing. He noticed my smile instantly. "What?"

"I love this song," was my simple reply.

"I know." I realized this was the song he had been humming to me earlier. "Why do you love it so much?"

"I don't know. It reminds me of when I was a kid. It's one of the only clear memories I have of my mom before she left my dad. I can remember my dad playing this song all the time for her because she loved it so much. And even though he couldn't dance and hated to, he always asked her to dance right in the tiny kitchen with the sunlight streaming in through the window. She'd stop doing whatever housework she was attempting, and he'd put down the paper before they just melded together." I paused for a minute, remembering the dust particles floating through the air, illuminated by the sun, and my mom's magical laughter as my father swirled her around. "That's the only way I can remember the sound of her laugh," I finished, feeling a tear escape my tightly closed eyes.

"I wanna rock your gypsy soul," I heard Edward's shaky voice join in with the song as he gently wiped my tears away. "Just like way back in the days of old. And together we will float into the mystic." I smiled as I felt his lips on my forehead. I rolled onto my side, towards him. Honestly, I was just trying to find a more comfortable position, something that I found hard to do in my own bed let alone on the hard floor of my classroom, even with the pillows. But that magnetic pull that brought us together during the party was still at work, and as I turned towards him, he slid his body towards mine and into a fully reclined position, pulling me effortlessly to him. There was a moment of awkwardness, at least on my part, as I sought a comfortable position against him before settling with my head just under his shoulder on his chest and my knees pulled up, resting against his thighs.

We lay there in silence for several moments listening as 'Into the Mystic' flowed into Sinatra's, 'The Way You Look Tonight'. The relaxing mood Edward had been trying to create by turning the lights off and setting the radio to a low volume was lulling me to sleep, along with his steady heartbeat under my ear.

"I think you should go home." Even though he was speaking softly, his deep, scratchy voice startled me from the light slumber I had fallen into.

"Edward, I'm fine."

"How do we know that? I should have taken you straight to the hospital."

"Stop it, Edward. I really do feel much better. I knew there was something wrong with me this morning – I just felt out of sorts. But I'm okay now, just tired."

"My mom can call in a sub, and hopefully one can be here before lunch is over. If you can wait until lunch time, I'll run you home then. I don't want you driving until the doctor says it's okay for you to do so. Or maybe my mom can take you now and I'll watch both classes when they get back – it's only forty-five minutes that I'd have them both until lunch time. I can do that, it's no big deal."

I pushed myself up on my arm to look at him more clearly. I had never heard Edward ramble on about anything before, and I had to admit, it was kind of endearing. Gone was the calm exterior from earlier; now he positively looked nervous, scared even. "I'm not going home. If I start to feel dizzy again, or any other thing feels off, I'll send a student to get you right away and you can drive me straight to the hospital. Deal?"

His face was still distressed as he listened to my words, but I could tell he had given in. I lay back down into his arms, exhaling a sigh of relief knowing I had just won that battle. "Alright, but you have to eat the orange Esme found before your class gets back."

"No problem."

"What time is your doctor's appointment?"

"Quarter after four – I'm going there straight from work."

"Isn't Jacob taking you?"

"Jacob? Why would he go with me?"

It was silent for a moment as I watched the emotions flicker through his eyes as he looked back at me, searching for something in my own eyes. "That day I ran into you in the park, you said you were going to a doctor's appointment then, too, and he was taking you. Was that for the baby?"

"Yes, but that was the only time he went. Umm, my relationship with Jacob has been really strained these past few months, and I don't really want to talk about him right now."

"Fair enough, but who takes you to your appointments?"

"Alice has gone a couple of times, and I went on my own once."

"So is Alice taking you today?"

"No, she's working and it's not that big of a deal anyway. It's just a routine check-up."

"Can I take you?"

Holy shit, he wanted to take me! Maybe he wanted to be involved after all. Maybe he was ready to be a father and the past month was just his way of preparing himself for it? Whatever, I'd take what I could get.

"Yes."

"Really? That easy? I thought for sure you'd be just as pigheaded about this as you are about everything else."

"Hey! You better watch yourself, Cullen!"

* * *

"Bella Swan?" I looked up from my silent stare-down with the coffee table in front of me as the nurse in peach scrubs called my name from the door she was propping open. Edward was already on his feet before I could gather my thoughts, hand held out towards me to help me up. I flinched – I couldn't help myself. I had been a nervous wreck ever since the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, and I wasn't sure why. Well, that's not entirely true – I knew the man next to me was the culprit for my anxiety. But why he was making me nervous was the mystery.

The rest of the school day had been quite uneventful, and Edward had given me no cause for the knots currently rolling in my stomach along side the baby. We had spent the remainder of our prep period in silence. Well, he was silent, I napped. At lunch, he took me to the same café we usually frequented and nothing was amiss there, either. About the only thing out of the ordinary had been at last recess, when he decided he would take my recess duty and demanded I rest. And to be quite honest, that irritated me more than anything, because Jessica joked that he wanted to spend more time alone with her, except I know it wasn't a joke. Stupid bitch.

But for some reason, when he helped me into the car and held doors open for me during our trip to the doctor's office, it felt entirely different than when he did the same during our normal, daily activities. Even the fact that he insisted on driving was taking on a whole new meaning in my mind, which was just absurd because Edward always drove when we went to lunch, and I had never thought anything of it before.

I took his hand and he hoisted me to my feet – quite the accomplishment these days. I hesitated after a step when he fell in step beside me. "Umm… are you coming back with me?" I didn't know what I had been expecting, but I thought he would ask or make a comment, not just wander back with me. Jake didn't come back with me, a, ,,,nd I didn't even think to offer. Actually, I had thought about it, and the thoughts were too uncomfortable for me to consider allowing Jacob to accompany me. I knew that being with child was one of the biggest miracles of life, but still, trips to the Obstetrician felt too much like trips to the gynecologist to me. Alice had come back with me, but that was Alice.

He paused, suddenly looking as uncomfortable as I felt. "Uh, I thought…I don't have to."

"No, you can. I just… I didn't think … Do you want to?" We stood there in the middle of the waiting room, expectant mothers and fathers-to-be surrounding us as we stared at each other, both with uncertainty in our eyes. Finally, he nodded his head, signaling that he did want to come with me. "Okay."

We turned and headed towards the nurse, who was smirking with a twinkle in her eyes at our mutual awkwardness. Edward guided me down the halls with his hand firmly on my back, his thumb rubbing up and down between the hemline of my shirt and pants. When we neared the alcove where I knew the scale was hidden, I turned to him and planted my own hand firmly on his chest.

"Wait right here." All the uncertainty that I had seen in the waiting room flooded back to his face with my words, which I immediately regretted. "I don't care what you've seen or what we've done. You don't need to know exactly how heavy I am."

I watched his face transform once again as the worry left to be replaced with a small smile lifting the corners of his lips. My face flushed immediately, reacting to his predatory glare that had taken over since he processed my words. I turned from him and went into the alcove where the nurse was waiting for me. Damn bitch also had a smirk on her face.

After that humiliating scene was complete, she led us down the hall to the exam room. "Up on the table, Miss Swan. You know the drill." Sure, I knew the drill, but for some reason the table seemed infinitely higher than it had last month. Why the hell did they make these tables so tall that people had to hop up onto them? I wasn't that short, for crying out loud! I knew this was a lost cause and turned to look at Edward only to find he had already figured out my dilemma. Without saying a word, he wrapped one arm around my back, gripping firmly under my arm, and lifted me up onto the paper-covered exam table behind me.

After removing his arm, he leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Either I am freakishly, inhumanly strong, or you are still light as a feather if I can lift you so effortlessly with one arm." I rolled my eyes at him, and he stepped back to allow the nurse to check my vitals. She excused herself when she was finished, stating the typical remark that the doctor would be with us in a moment.

Surprisingly, the doctor did arrive after only a couple minutes. "Miss Swan, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Ferenti was a nice enough man. He was quite tall, taller than even Edward, with salt and pepper hair and black rimmed glasses.

"I'm feeling well, Dr. Ferenti."

"I see you've brought another friend with you?"

"Yes, sir. This is Edward Cullen."

"Cullen? You wouldn't happen to be related to Carlisle Cullen, would you?"

"Yes, sir. He's my father."

"Ah, how wonderful. Dr. Cullen is a wonderful man and an excellent colleague. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you, sir. The pleasure's mine."

Dr. Ferenti glanced back down at the chart he was holding for a minute before looking back to me. "I see you've gained eight pounds since last month, Bella." Damn it, the blush was back. Please don't make a big deal of my weight in front of Edward. "Normally, I would say this is a bit high. But you know I've been concerned with your weight gain as it is, especially seeing as you were losing so much during your first trimester. Women begin to show at different times, and you were certainly a late bloomer, but I can see you're making up for lost time." He thought he was being funny - I wanted to kill him on spot.

"Bella's a little self-conscious about her weight gain, Dr. Ferenti." Both the doctor and I turned to stare at Edward. I gaped at him with my mouth wide open while Dr. Ferenti raised an eyebrow to him.

"I see. Well, she has nothing to be concerned about. Her weight is catching up to what we consider normal, and the baby has been developing within the normal range. I'm assuming you are over your morning sickness? It hasn't made a resurgence in the past month, has it?" I shook my head, letting him know that I was doing better.

"She hasn't been sick, but she did pass out this morning. It's the only time it has happened, and I almost insisted she go to the hospital, but I think it may have been her blood sugar – she skipped breakfast. She seemed to do better after eating." My astonishment over his previous comment turned quickly into full-blown anger at his words. Hopefully, for his own sake, he caught on quickly from the glare I was giving him. Or else we were going to have a long talk on the way home. "I would have still insisted, if not for this appointment."

"Miss Swan, surely you know the importance of eating healthy, especially in light of your condition."

"Yes, sir, I do. Time slipped away from me this morning, but it won't happen again."

"Can you vouch for that, Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes, sir, it won't happen again." I rolled my eyes at them both. What the hell? Was I no longer in charge of my own life or what?

"Well, to be safe I would like you to take the oral glucose tolerance test as soon as possible. It's just a precaution, but given today's events, I think it's necessary. There's nothing to worry about. It is a test that most women take around this time, anyway. What it does is check for gestational diabetes. You will have to fast beforehand, so we like to administer the test first thing in the morning."

"What do I have to do? Is it another blood test?"

"Yes, it is. You'll come in, and they will take your blood right away to check your glucose levels. Then, you will drink a sugary substance and give blood two hours later to see how your body is breaking down the sugar. It's not that invasive of a test, just time consuming."

"Can she come in tomorrow to do it?"

I turned to glare at him some more, because frankly I still wasn't over his last couple of comments. "Edward, I'm working tomorrow."

"But he said you should do it as soon as possible." He turned from me to his only ally in the room. "As soon as possible, right Dr. Ferenti? Shouldn't she come in tomorrow?"

"Actually, she'll need to go to the lab at the hospital for this test. It's just more convenient for everyone all the way around, as I'm sure you can understand. You won't even need to make an appointment, Miss Swan, just bring in the paper work that I'll leave for you at the front desk. And it doesn't have to be tomorrow. Just try to get there in the next few days."

"The lab is open on the weekends, right Doctor?"

"Yes, Miss Swan. This weekend would be fine."

"Thank you." I turned my menacing glare back at Edward, who didn't look too happy himself.

"Before you leave, I'd like to get another urine and blood sample from you to run a few more tests, just to be on the safe side. Now, let's get back to the check up, shall we?"

"Of course." And with that, he went back into his routine, asking how I'd been feeling, if I'd had any discomfort or pains, how much the baby had been moving. He also took some measurements to check the growth of the baby and declared that everything was still looking picture perfect. He concluded with listening to the heartbeat with his stethoscope.

"Heartbeat is strong. You've got a little warrior in there, Miss Swan." I smiled kindly at him. Didn't I know it; my insides were probably black and blue from all the constant kicking he was doing against me. I smiled over at Edward, who returned my smile from his spot in the corner. Dr. Ferenti noticed our exchange and turned to address Edward. "Would you like to hear the heartbeat, Mr. Cullen? I don't have the Doppler set up, but you can listen with the stethoscope if you would like?"

Edward sat up quickly, stunned by the doctor's offer. I think we were both a little surprised, to be honest. He looked to me first, and I nodded my head slightly, still smiling at him. Edward stood and carried the stool to my side.

The doctor found the heartbeat once again before wiping the earpieces off with a wipe and passing them over to Edward. I knew the second he heard the thump-thumping rhythm of our son's heartbeat by the way his eyebrows arched to the ceiling and the breathtaking smile that lit up his entire face. He took my hand into one of his before placing the outstretched fingers of his other hand on my belly near the head of the stethoscope.

After several minutes, Edward broke out of his spell and removed his hand from my belly to give back the earpiece to the doctor. "Thank you for letting me listen. That was incredible." I gripped his hand tighter, in as much awe of this moment as he was but for completely different reasons. I, too, was thankful for Dr. Ferenti's consideration, so thankful I wanted to jump up and kiss him square on the lips, which I swear I'd never done before to any of my doctors in the past. All the anger I had experienced a few minutes ago towards Edward was completely washed away the minute I saw him hear our son's heartbeat.

"You're more than welcome. We're finished here unless you have any questions, Bella." I shook my head no, unable to speak. "Alright then, I'll see you next month. I'll send the nurse back in to draw your blood and get you a cup for a urine sample. When you stop at the desk to make next month's appointment, make sure the receptionist gives you the form for the lab tests. I'll see you next month, Bella. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you, Doctor. You, too," Edward replied for the both of us. Dr. Ferenti walked out without a glance from me as I still couldn't take my eyes from Edward. He turned back to look at me after the door clicked shut. His brow furrowed when his eyes met mine.

"Bella, you're crying." I bit my bottom lip but otherwise didn't respond. He dropped his gaze from my eyes to my lips and reached up to wipe my tears away, then pulled my lip out from between my teeth with his thumb. He left his thumb there for a moment, staring at it before asking, "Do you think I can hear him without it?" Finally, he raised his eyes back to mine and I shrugged, uncertain of an answer or my voice.

He dropped his hand and his gaze from my face and returned both to my belly. Ever so hesitantly, he leaned forward and turned his head away from me, resting his ear to the spot where the stethoscope had been minutes before. I froze, completely unable to move and not wanting to do anything to disrupt this moment.

"Breathe, Bella," Edward whispered. I let out a shaky laugh, the sweet tension in the room breaking with his light tone.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN- I'm notoriously bad at remembering disclaimers and authors' notes that have to be posted within the text - different from the other site I'm used to posting on. But hey, I remembered today!**

**For starters, thanks a million to all of you reading, reviewing, alerting - I love it. I'm glad you are enjoying this little story. I really hate to upset anyone, but I do think I have mentioned this before - these daily updates will stop once this site is caught up with the other site - so tomorrow. My entire reasoning for coming over here was because I hate the wait it can take for an update over there. I updated last week and it still isn't up. I understand beta's have lives and it is a busy time of year, so I don't hate the beta's, I just hate the process. Actually, I don't even hate the process, I'm just anxious. And it makes me feel a little guilty when I say an update will be up on a certain date and it doesn't appear for another week.**

**So, anyway, yeah, updates should be about once a week (after tomorrow's). **

**Took my three nieces to see New Moon _again_ last night. Girls bonding night - totes excuse for me to see the movie again and I'm not even ashamed to say it. My poor 7 yr old niece almost peed her pants at the end cuz she knew better than to interupt any Edward screen time. But hey, she said she could hold it - and the girl knows the priorities of life;)**

**Sorry I rambled - my ANs really aren't usually this long and random.**

**Disclaimer- they are not mine, if they were, I would so be bff's with KS and RP.**

We had settled back into our comfortable routine after my little fainting spell and doctor's appointment. He had lost his hesitancy around me, and I never ran out of chocolate covered cinnamon rolls. Our prep hours were once again spent solely with each other, and if we didn't eat lunch in the lounge, he took me to a nearby restaurant. Another change in our relationship since that day - he called to check up on me every night.

It was sweet.

I didn't know how Tanya felt about the phone calls, but that was something I would probably never find out about. There seemed to be certain subjects besides 'that night' that were taboo for us. Cardinal rule number one was to never mention that night. Number two was to never mention Tanya. Number three was bringing up the day Jake caught us. And number four was the fact that he was my baby's father. Sure, Edward may not have been aware of those rules, but they were never far from my mind.

It was feeling like a bitter winter day on this particular early-November afternoon, even without snow, so I turned Edward down for going out to lunch with the rest of the teachers. The cold and I did not get along very well.

I had just settled down with my chef salad when my cell phone chirped with a message. I looked at it, a puzzled expression covering my face when I noticed it was from Jake.

Jake's and my relationship had been somewhat strained for the past few months, although I could see he was trying. I was not going to push him away as long as he continued to put the effort in to behave. However, despite all this, we still had more tense moments than not where he fought with his desire for me and I stood my ground. I swear the guy would piss on me and lock me away in a cabinet somewhere if he didn't know I would chop his balls off for it.

_Where r u?_

That's odd - he knew it was my lunch period.

_I'm in the lounge eating. Why?_

_No reason._

Whatever. I wasn't going to try to decipher his cryptic messages.

Two minutes later, he came strolling into the lounge with a blue gift bag covered in white polka dots, with shiny white tissue paper spilling over the top.

"Jake, what are you doing here?"

He strolled around the room to me, dropping a comfortable peck on my cheek before sitting in the vacant seat next to mine. He placed the bag on the table before glancing toward Edward across the table from us. "Edward." He tipped his head in recognition of him.

"Jacob." Edward's reply was as terse as Jake's had been. These two obviously had something brewing between them. I knew what Jake's problem was, but I didn't understand Edward's reaction to him. Other than the last time they had seen each other - that day in my classroom - their prior encounters had all been friendly. I kicked Jacob under the table, bringing his attention back to me as I gave him a warning glare. I hadn't missed the scowl he had thrown at Edward, nor the one Edward returned to him.

"I found something last night, and I couldn't wait to give it to you so I thought I'd bring it by. Go ahead, open it."

I cast a speculative glance at him, not sure where this was coming from. Jacob hated shopping even more than I did, and I had a hard time believing he put this beautiful package together himself. I tentatively reached out and pulled the tissue paper aside from the bag before reaching in to pull out the gift. I smiled a huge, toothy grin at the object in my hand. Somehow, Jake had found a tiny stuffed wolf dressed in a vest and waders, and holding a fishing pole and net. It even had the little hat with flies scattered about on it. I didn't miss the symbolism behind the gift, as according to local lore, Jacob's ancestors were descended from wolves. It was kind of dorky, but adorable none the less.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it, Jacob. Thank you." I reached over and hugged him tightly, enjoying the feel of my friend's affection for a moment.

"I couldn't believe it when I saw it at the sporting goods store last night. I knew I had to have it. I can't wait until he's old enough that I can take him out." I held his eyes as he continued to dream about the future, lost in his animated excitement.

Just as suddenly as he had arrived, he stood to leave. "Well, Bells, I have to get back to work. I'll see you later." He dropped another kiss on my forehead before turning to go, never casting another glance in Edward's direction.

I looked over at him after Jake had left, surprised to see his body tight with tension. He looked like snakes were circling his feet or something.

"Jake seems to be very enthused to be a father."

"Jake's not the father!" His assumption surprised me. I blurted my reply quickly. I didn't hesitate or question my response, nor its repercussions. It was too late now.

Surely, he had done the math. I had actually harbored hope that he knew. At least, I kidded myself into believing he knew. I could see now how mistaken I was.

I hesitantly met his eyes over the brown laminate table. His posture implied full relaxation, as though he were deep in thought, contemplating a mystery. His long legs were stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles, arms folded behind his head.

But I knew better. I could see the rigid stance that claimed his body, the frozen facial expression as though set in stone. His eyes were searching mine, questioning things that I could not yet answer. I saw the inquiry there and knew it was ready to slip off his tongue. Despite the many months that I wished he had known, I suddenly could not face this.

He was going to be pissed, and rightfully so.

As silly as it may have seemed, with six-and-a-half months worth of opportunities already passed, I was now terrified that he knew. What would this do to us? I wasn't stupid – I knew that the longer I waited to tell him, the worse his reaction would be. But, just as his reaction would be worse, the thought of telling him became more difficult with each passing moment.

He knew.

I could see it in his eyes that he was already certain. I was sure the thought had crossed his mind since the day he found out that I was pregnant, but Jake's constant presence and obvious support must have hindered any lingering suspicions that he had. We used a condom; why would Edward think it was his? But now, with his one alternative completely removed from the equation, I knew he knew.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Bella?"

I stared, transfixed, at his eyes for another brief moment, knowing my voice would fail me if I had actually attempted to speak. The bell rang, breaking me out of his hold. It was my out, and I was going to take it. Still a coward.

"I'm sorry. I need to get to class." I stood quickly, leaving the room in a hasty retreat. I knew I wouldn't escape forever, but at least I had the rest of today. He would not try to talk to me between classes, and somehow I would get out of the building before he could approach me.

Of course, tomorrow may have been as long as I had to put this off. Unless I could find an excuse, he would be in my room during prep period, offering him the perfect opportunity to corner me. There was really no use in trying to escape the inevitable conversation. Even if I had managed to avoid him during prep hour and lunch, we would have our class meeting after school tomorrow. Maybe I could call in sick.

God, I was such a mess.

He knew.

I turned to cast one quick glance back at him; his body was still frozen in place, not a hair moved from the position of several moments earlier. He wasn't coming after me. And really, there was no reason to.

He knew.

* * *

There was no need for me to fear Edward confronting me. I actually didn't have to even bother trying to steer clear of him, as he was a master at avoiding me. He didn't show up for work the following day.

Or the next.

Or even the next.

Five days. With the weekend, that was five days that I didn't have the chance to explain things to him. It was ironic in a way; after months of avoiding discussing his involvement in the procreation of our little bundle of joy, the moment I resolved to approach him, he pulled a vanishing act that would have made Houdini proud. Like I even deserved the chance to try and explain. I'd had months to tell him and always found an excuse to evade this conversation, even running when he asked me point blank. Now I was upset that he didn't want to talk?

"Edward…um, it's Bella. Again. I know you don't really want to talk to me right now, I get that. But, I just… I'm sorry. Look, if you could…we have to talk eventually, right? Just, please, talk to me. Call me if you get this. Otherwise, I guess I'll see you tomorrow in school? Umm, I'm sorry, like really, really sorry. Call me."

This was bad - really, really bad. It was Sunday night, and I was curled up on my couch with my flannel jammies and plush blanket, attempting to comfort myself and not succeeding in any way. My stupid phone was clutched so hard in my fingers that they were actually cramping. Used Kleenex littered the area around me, and I was sure I looked like a wreck from the nonstop crying jag I had been on for forty-eight hours straight. I hadn't left this spot since I arrived home from work on Friday. He was avoiding me, and that hurt.

I deserved it, I knew. But that didn't make it hurt any less. I had worn a path in my living room from my pacing Tuesday night, still worried and anxious as to what I would say to him the following day. But then he didn't show. Wednesday night found me pacing again before I finally broke down and called him around nine that evening. Of course, he didn't answer then, and he still wasn't answering now. I'd called him at least three times a day since then, but gave up leaving messages by Friday evening. Until tonight, that is.

If I knew where he lived, I'm sure I would have taken it to stalker level and driven by several times, maybe even parked outside his place and watched surreptitiously through the windows. What was he doing that was so important that he couldn't pick up his damned phone? Scratch that, I already knew. Anything was more important at the moment, because at the moment he hated me. Obviously. But I really wanted to know what he was thinking. How this made him feel. Was this it? Did he not want to ever speak to me again? Did he not want to be a father? Those were the thoughts that played on a continuous loop in my mind.

At some point I fell asleep on the couch, waking up just past six in the morning with a terrible crick in my neck and an ache in my back that rivaled any of the bone breaks I had experienced growing up. Note to self: never sleep sitting up on a couch while six-and-a-half months pregnant. As a treat for the cruel punishment I had put my body through, I took an extra long hot bath since I had woken much earlier than my normal wake-up time of seven.

As I lay there with the steam rising from the water and bubbles swirling around me, I couldn't help but to agonize over the day ahead of me. I wouldn't be able to speak with him before our prep hour, because frankly there wouldn't be enough time – not for the conversation we needed to have. How would I make it two-and-a-half hours with him right next door, knowing he had been avoiding me? That is, if he even showed up. God, he had to show up. He couldn't avoid this forever.

The first thing I did when I arrived at work was to check his room. Even though we wouldn't have time to talk, I wanted to at least see him for a minute. But he wasn't there. I checked the teachers' lounge next, followed by Esme's office and Emmett's room, but he wasn't anywhere. Thinking maybe he left, I checked the parking lot once more, and his silver Volvo sat mocking me in the same spot it was in twenty minutes earlier. Alright, he was here, he was still just avoiding me.

The start of the school day was painful. The first time I saw him in nearly a week about knocked me off my feet. Gah, the man was breathtaking. He was standing at his door, just like always, as our classes switched. My heart clenched inside my chest as I stood there watching him. We always communicated in some small way during this time, even if it was just a shared smile, and I had taken that for granted. I heard his throaty laugh as he joked with a couple of his students, and it physically hurt. He used to share that laugh with me, but now he wouldn't even look my way.

More of the same happened when our classes switched back, but this time I caught his eye and wished I hadn't. His once gorgeous, emerald green eyes that shone for his students, and used to shine for me, locked with mine and were completely dead. I had to look away; it hurt too much.

When our prep hour finally arrived, I sat at my desk, nervously wringing my hands in my lap, waiting for him to arrive. After five minutes, I pulled out a stack of papers to correct, deciding I wouldn't let my nerves get the best of me. That lasted all of two seconds before I pushed them out of my way and began biting again at my bottom lip. At ten minutes, I decided he wasn't going to come.

Fine. If he wasn't going to come to me, then I would go to him. With my newfound bravado, I marched over to his classroom and walked right in. The lights were off except the small desk-lamp he was using to illuminate his work area as he corrected papers. I knew he heard me when I came in, but he made no move to acknowledge my presence.

"Edward?" He continued to ignore me, but I could see from my spot near the door he was only pretending to correct papers; his eyes hadn't moved from their position at the far side of the room. I took a few hesitant steps toward him, my previous surge of confidence having left the moment I took in his stiff frame and locked jaw.

"Edward, you can't keep igno-"

"Is there something you need, Miss Swan?" he cut me off. "Because as you can see I have a lot of catching up to do from my absence, and I don't have time for you."

I stood there with my hands at my sides, not knowing what to do. My mouth opened and closed several times to say something, but his harsh tone prevented any words from leaving. I looked up at the ceiling, both in an attempt to slow the tears that were now flowing freely down my cheeks and to escape the hateful glare he was casting my way.

"Please leave."

His voice was dead. Dead, flat and cold. I'd never heard that tone from Edward before, and I was at a loss as to what I should do. I wanted to run to him and plead with him for forgiveness. I'd grovel at his feet and hug his ankles until he told me all was forgotten, but I knew that would not be the outcome. But I was also afraid that if I turned around and walked out the door, something might be lost forever. So there I stood, rooted to the floor, frantically searching my brain for some way to save our friendship.

"Edward, you can't ignore this forever. You can't ignore me." My voice was so small; I would have doubted he could even hear me except for the flare of his nostrils. The anger radiating from him scared me, and I felt any hope I had harbored slowly dissipating through the cracks along with my dwindling resolve to fix this.

"Get out!"

A sob tore from my throat at his sudden screams. My body began to shake from the force of my tears, but I still couldn't move. I could not leave like this.

The harsh scraping sound of his chair sliding back from his desk made me jump slightly and for the first time ever, I was frightened of him. He stood abruptly from his seat and began marching towards me. Edward had never given me any reason to fear him, and I knew it was ridiculous to do so, but this was not my Edward. The realization that I did this to him was devastating. He tore past me, turning his body to the side as he passed so that none of his body accidently brushed against mine.

"I guess I'll have to leave then if you won't. Stay away from me."

And with those departing words, he was gone. I knew his absence extended beyond the room. I sank to my knees and cried loud, gut-wrenching sobs that I'm surprised no one came to investigate. I stayed on his cold, hard floor for the remainder of our prep hour, but he never returned.


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, here is the last update for a while - but hopefully not too long. I'm officially caught up on ffn with all the chapters that are up at Twilighted, and now you guys are even ahead as this chapter is still in queue over there. You guys have been spoiled with getting an update a day, but I'm sorry - I really can't write that fast. I probably won't have the next update up until around the 9th, but I have a test I have to take that morning that I have to get up freakishly early for for certification, so maybe you will get the next chapter a day early, or it might be a day late. I'm aiming for Saturday morning updates.**

**Disclaimer- Twilight does not belong to me and I make no money off of this. My parents are, once again, proud I pick paths that earn me no income.**

I went back to my room at the end of the prep hour when Edward ran out on me, and I barely functioned for the rest of the day. I felt bad for my students, because I was not giving them one-hundred percent, but there wasn't one-hundred percent of me to give. What could I do to possibly fix this? I knew I brought this on myself, and I probably deserved his anger for what I had done to him, but damn it, I needed him.

I'd give him time. I was hoping, no depending, on that being what he needed most at the moment.

The following day brought more of the same. He avoided me, and I sulked alone. Never before had I felt more alone in my life. Edward wasn't talking to me – perhaps the understatement of the year. Alice was too busy with her career and Jasper to help me, not to mention almost an hour away. I couldn't put this on her because she was too good of a friend. She would find a way to take control, once again, and try to fix all of poor Bella's problems, while she already had enough on her plate. And Jake – well, there were some things I would never go to Jacob for help with.

I wished for the millionth time that my mom was still alive. She used to be the one I went to with personal problems, even when she lived three thousand miles away. Her words always brought me comfort, and seemed to make any situation less disastrous.

Hope swelled in my heart when I heard the door to my room open at the beginning of prep hour. Just as quickly, it vanished when I looked up to see it was Jessica, not Edward, walking into my classroom. She somehow managed to pull off a look that said she was amused to be here as well as letting me know I was wasting her time. Well, I certainly didn't ask her to be here, so she could just march her smug little ass right back out of my room and back into the bowels of hell, for all I cared. Instead, she just sauntered up to my desk, looking at me expectantly.

"Do you need something, Jessica?" She may be amused, but I sure as hell wasn't.

"We have a meeting."

My brow furrowed in confusion. It wasn't Wednesday. Why would our meeting have been moved up? No one mentioned anything to me, although I suppose under the circumstances, nobody would.

"Why are we meeting today? What's wrong with tomorrow?"

"Not that meeting, although I doubt we'll be having that meeting at all. Edward doesn't seem to want to be around you, for some reason. He's asked me to be your mentor."

She was looking down on me with an air of superiority. If I wasn't six-and-a-half months pregnant, I'd knock that look off her self-righteous face. "He said it was because he was too busy, but I know he's mad at you. I don't know what you did, and I really don't care. You screwed up, like I knew you would. For the past two months I've had to stand by and watch as Edward doted on your every breath, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before he saw you for what you really are."

I really didn't care what she thought I was. I was not listening to this.

"Jessica, this is really none of your business. If Edward wanted you to know what was going on, he wouldn't have been so vague. And you are hardly a candidate for declaring what type of person I am. We don't even know each other." Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did I have to say that? I knew I was just feeding into her need for gossip and giving her the fuel she needed to continue her holier-than-thou rant.

"Please, miss 'I'm so innocent and helpless.' I've seen right through your charade from day one. Everyone knows you slept with Edward at that party, which would make you a grade-A slut for whoring around with people you don't even know." I felt a surge of blood rush to my face, both in embarrassment and anger at her words. No, I did not know 'everyone' knew I slept with him. "I'm shocked he hasn't seen through your stalkerish plans before now. What, did you tell him that baby was his and he just caught you in your lie?" She snorted and rolled her eyes, thinking she had it all figured out. "Edward's not a fool. He may have been stupid enough to sleep with you, but he would never believe that baby was his without a paternity test."

That's it. I'd had enough. I awkwardly stood and pushed past her. "You are not my mentor, Jessica. I would never need help bad enough to ask you for it."

"I need to see your lesson plans."

"What did I just say? I don't need your help."

"This isn't about you, Bella. You know, the world doesn't revolve around your skanky ass. Someone needs to make sure these students aren't left to fend for themselves. If it weren't for the kids and Edward asking, I wouldn't be in here at all."

"My kids don't need your help." I turned and left the room, not bothering to listen to any more of her accusations. Jesus, did Edward really have to ask Jessica, of all people, to be my mentor? He knew we didn't exactly get along. While we hadn't ever seen eye-to-eye, our bickering had never stooped to that level before. Part of me had to wonder if she was just waiting in the wings for Edward to be out of her way so that she could attack without worry.

Stupid, fucking tears. I can't believe I was crying over that shit. I wiped my face with my clenched fist, my body too on edge to relax my cramped hands. I walked down the hall, away from Jessica's room so that I wouldn't have to worry about running into her when I returned. Right now, I needed to get out of there before she could corner me again in the hall. The safest place seemed to be the teachers' restroom and I all but ran there in my attempts to get away. Just one more corner and I'd be there.

"Whoa there, Bella." Of course I collided with Esme, the door to my haven only a few feet away. I stood there with my hands still fisted at my sides, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet as she took in my appearance. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, not ready to talk to anyone. "Nothing, Esme." That didn't even sound like me. My voice was coated with tears and too fragile to be an adult's. "I can't…"

She stood there with her hands clenching my shoulders, eyes trying desperately to catch my own. After a moment, she let out a sad sigh. "Come with me." She wrapped her arm around my back, pulling me along with her toward her office. I had no choice but to let her lead me as I didn't have the strength to put up a fight.

When we reached her office, she brought me over to the small couch along the back wall rather than sitting me in one of the matching brown leather chairs in front of her mahogany desk. She sat next to me and pulled my head down to her shoulder, gently rocking me as my tears continued unabated.

"Do you want to talk about it? You know you can tell me anything?" I shook my head, but I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to tell her everything. The nurturing motherly love she always extended to me was currently soothing my heartbroken soul. I was tired and alone, and all I wanted was my own mother's arms to crawl into. Esme wasn't my mother, but she was the closest I had felt to my mom since Renee's death. I wanted to tell her, I needed to tell her, everything. I knew she would make it all better, just like my own mother had.

"Does this have anything to do with my son?"

And there it was. I couldn't tell her the truth, because she was Edward's mom, not mine. I couldn't betray his confidence and share this with his mom. I had no right.

"Oh, sweetheart, I know something is going on between the two of you. A mother knows these things."

I shook my head frantically, but the onslaught of new tears may have given me away.

"It's okay, my Bella. You know I care about you, and it pains me to see you so upset. You can tell me anything, and I promise it will stay between the two of us. No one else needs to know, okay?"

I needed to tell her. I had to talk to someone. I couldn't do this on my own anymore.

"It's not Edward, Esme. It really isn't. But I've been so stupid, so foolish. I made a really poor decision and now I have to suffer the consequences, but it's so much harder than I thought it would be." I broke off with another sob.

"Shh, shhh. It's okay, dear. You'll get through this, I know you will. It can't be as bad as it seems."

"I didn't tell my baby's father that the baby was his. I wanted to, but I could never find the words. God, Esme, I was so stupid!"

"It's okay, Bella. I'm sure everything will work out." I twisted out of her grasp, realizing I had already said too much. "Is that why you're crying?"

"No, yes, it's just everything. I just got in a fight with Jessica Stanley over the stupidest shit, stuff I normally wouldn't ever fight over. But I'm so broken that I can't even handle her anymore."

"Maybe you can talk to Edward about this. He's very protective of you; I know he'd help you get through this."

Well, at least I didn't have to worry that she suspected anything. "I can't. I've even managed to fuck things up with him."

"Edward's a very patient, forgiving man. I'm sure he'd understand if you told him what was going on. Sometimes, when we argue with someone, we don't recognize the displaced anger until afterwards. Edward will be there for you, Bella, if you let him." Another cry ripped from my gut. I didn't think there would be any pieces left of me when this was over.

"Sweetie, we can think of a way through this. Why don't you tell me what's been going on with you and the father, and I'll help you think of a way to tell him?"

"That's just it. He already knows. Someone else kind of told him, or helped him figure it out, before I did. And now he hates me! He won't talk to me. I don't know if it's because I kept it from him, or if he's upset about the baby. I don't want him to feel trapped, but I don't want him to hate me, either. And I don't know what to do because he won't even answer my phone calls."

"Is he still a part of your life?" I nodded my head, my eyes not moving from the floor in front of my feet. "So, it's safe to assume he knew you were pregnant?"

"Yes, he knew." Esme was rubbing her hand in comforting circles on my back as I sat hunched over beside her. "I never wanted to keep this from him. It was always my intention to tell him, but… God, I don't know. I guess I was scared, and a coward. I knew he would be okay with it eventually, but I didn't want to mess things up for him, either."

"Mess things up for him, or for the two of you?" Oh, Esme, there never was an 'us'. "Tell me something, Bella. Is he a good guy?"

"The best."

"Then give him time. I know that's going to be hard for you, but that is all you can do right now. He's probably getting used to the idea that he's going to be a father. And after that, he will need to come to terms with what you've kept from him. But if he's as good a man as you think he is, then he won't be able to stay mad at you for long – you're too lovable." I winced at her words, wanting to believe her, but my heart didn't have the strength to do so.

She sighed next to me before standing and walking out her door. She was back moments later and returned to my side.

"I just asked Angela to call in a sub for you." My eyes shot up to hers in disbelief.

"No, Esme. I'll be fine. I'm sorry, I just had a moment, but I'll be okay." She held up her hand and placed a finger over my rambling lips.

"Dear, it's obvious you need a break. That's all this is – a break."

"I'm not going to shirk my responsibilities. I am perfectly capable of teaching my class. It was stupid – I just let Jessica get to me and my hormones are all over the place, but I'm better now. I don't need a sub." The last thing I wanted was for Esme to start thinking I couldn't handle my job. First, I fainted in my class a couple of weeks ago, now I was having hysterical crying rants and spewing all my problems out to her. She must think I'm a basket case. I know I felt like a basket case.

"Thank you, Esme. You've been a big help." I smiled at her with all the gumption I could muster before standing to make an exit.

"Dear, go home. Take a bath and then a nap. You'll feel better later, I promise." She pulled me in for another hug before I fled from her office into the main school office.

Angela was sitting at her desk, ear perched on her shoulder as she typed something frantically on her computer. I approached her from behind and hated the pitying look she gave me when I came into sight. "Did you find a sub for me yet, Ang?"

"No, but don't worry about it, Bella. We'll find someone."

"Don't bother. I'm fine. I'm not leaving."

"Are you sure? Esme said you weren't feeling well?" We both knew that Esme had been lying – Angela had watched me walk in with her twenty minutes earlier, barely more than a blubbering heap in Esme's arms.

"Really, I'm good. I'm going to head back to my room." I returned her compassionate smile with a small one of my own before exiting the office.

I made it through the rest of the day and the following days by adhering to the hope that Esme was right. I just had to give him time. She knew Edward better than anyone, and she knew of my sins. While she hadn't realized Edward was the man I was speaking of, she felt he would forgive me with time. I clung to her words as the only life preserver in an ocean of doubt.

I was sitting at home in my usual funk on Thursday evening when the phone rang. I answered it immediately, not worrying to check caller ID. I didn't want to be disappointed when I would see it wasn't Edward. Not too many people called me these days, and this was the time of night he used to call.

"Belly, what's wrong?"

Alice. Guilt flooded me when I recognized my frustration that it was her voice I was hearing, rather than Edward's.

"Nothing, Al. I'm just tired."

"Come on, Belly. Something's wrong and I need you to tell me. Don't keep this from me." There was a long, pregnant pause as I debated on what to say. I knew she was worried about me, but I didn't really feel like getting into it tonight. I was finally at a place where I was numb inside, and retelling it would open the wound right back up. When we hung up the phone, I would be left to deal with it again - alone.

"Okay, here's what you're going to do. Call in sick for tomorrow, and in the morning you are coming up here to spend the day with me. I've already asked for the day off because I know you need me more than my clients do. And, I've already booked us appointments at the spa. You need a day of pampering, Belly."

"I don't know, Al. I can't just take a day off like that."

"Of course you can. I know Grandma would approve. As a matter of fact, I think she would thank you for it." I didn't know whether to be upset or thankful that I had a best friend who always knew everything. Sometimes, her abilities were down right freaky.

"Okay. I'll be there."

Spending the day with Alice was exactly what I needed. I didn't think I could spend the weekend in the same state in which I'd existed for the past week and a half. It would have been silly of me to think that Friday would have brought with it some sort of break-through with Edward, so there had been no point in subjecting myself to another day of torture at school when I could spend the day with my best friend, and maybe receive a bit of solace for my soul at the same time.

While the spa took care of my worn body, Alice took care of my heart. There had been no talk of Edward, or any of the drama I had brought upon myself, except for a tiny mention when I arrived on her doorstep at eight in the morning. I had raised my mitten-covered hand to knock on her door when it flew open.

"He found out, didn't he?" She pulled me into her dainty arms, not even waiting for a reply. We didn't need to talk about it after that.

When I arrived home that evening, I was feeling much better. While I certainly wasn't at ease with the situation, I no longer felt as though doomsday was waiting for me around every corner.

When I stepped from the elevator, my breath hitched when I noticed the lanky form sprawled out in front of my door. Edward's eyes caught mine, and he quickly brought himself to his feet while I slowly made my way towards him. There was an awkward, unpleasant moment while the two of us stood facing each other, neither making a move. I was waiting for him to start. After all, I didn't know why he was here.

He cleared his throat, and I hesitantly brought my eyes up to meet his. He looked horrible. Dark shadows circled beneath his eyes, and I could tell his hands had been pulling at his hair more times than he could possibly recount.

"You weren't at work today so…" Even with the throat clearing, his voice was scratchy and sounded as though it hadn't been used in days. "No one knew anything."

"I took the day off."

He took a small step forward before hesitating. His mouth opened as though he was about to say something before he shut it again, choosing instead to search the ceiling for answers and push his fingers through his hair one more time.

I started worrying my trembling lip between my teeth, turning my head away from him when I felt tears start to pool in my eyes. I still wasn't sure why he was here, but his body language was telling me it wasn't good. This felt too much like every break-up scene I had been a part of in the past.

"I'm sorry for sicking Stanley on you. My mom told me she gave you a hard time." That brought my eyes back to his face. I trusted Esme to not say anything to him, but I still wondered what she had divulged. If she told him about Jessica, she may have questioned him about the disagreement I mentioned between us.

"Don't worry about it. She's nothing I can't handle," I mumbled.

"But you shouldn't have to. I should have known better."

"Sometimes we make choices that we know we shouldn't, but we can't stop ourselves, either." His eyes shot to mine and held them as he gave a slight nod of his head as he processed the true meaning of my words.

"I was worried…that something might have happened to you - to the baby, when you didn't show up." He took another step forward and raised his hand, gently wiping the tears from my cheek.

Guilt consumed me when I realized what my latest transgression had been. I hadn't thought what people might think when I called in late last night.

"Please don't cry, Bella."

A fresh surge of tears sprang from my eyes at his whispered plea. His arms pulled me to him, gripping my head and back tight to his chest. We stood there, in the hallway of my apartment complex, for several minutes as I fell into hysterics and he cooed words of comfort into my hair.

"I'm sorry for my behavior the other day."

"Why," I choked out. "I," gasp, "deserved," gasp, "it."

"No, you didn't deserve that. I let my feelings transform into anger and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." I didn't reply this time, although I still disagreed. My breathing was becoming quite ragged, and talking was too much of an obstacle. "Baby, you're going to hyperventilate. You have to calm down."

I tried, but I couldn't gain control over my breathing any more than I could control the tears soaking his shirt.

"I'm such an ass. Look what I've done to you. Bella, this isn't worth getting this upset over."

I shook my head frantically against him – the only way I could communicate. Somehow, he had wormed his way into my heart over the past two months and became essential to me. Yes, I had felt the undeniable connection before that; I had remembered it clearly from our first encounter. But what we had formed these past several weeks transcended any bond I had shared with another, and I blew it. I threw it away. How could he think he wasn't worth getting upset over? I tried to push away from him, disgusted with myself, but he squeezed me tighter and slowly rocked me back and forth until my breathing calmed.

"I'm not ready to forgive you." His voice cracked as he spoke the words; I could tell that was hard for him to say. I nodded against his chest – I wasn't ready to forgive myself, either. "But I don't hate you. If you need something, you can ask and I'll help you. Okay?" I nodded again. "But I still need time. I'm not ready to go back to where we were."

I couldn't control the whimper that escaped. I knew he couldn't be ready to move forward, but I had hoped. Hearing him confirm he was still that upset with me, while expected, was overwhelming.

"I'm," sniffle, "sorry," sniff, "I didn't tell you sooner." His arms squeezed me for a second, and I felt his lips press a kiss to my head. "I wanted to, so badly." I closed my eyes tight as a tremor shook my body. My arms finally snaked around his waist, and I gripped him with all my strength. I didn't want him to ever get away. "I didn't know how. I'm so sorry, Edward."

One of his hands started rubbing my back but it did nothing to slow my tears. "My head knows you mean that, but my heart is still unsure. Just a little more time, sweetheart - I'm not ready. But please don't cry anymore. I can't stand seeing you like this. I'm very angry with you right now, but we'll get through this." He stood holding me until my tears had stopped and my sniveling was under control.

Finally, he pulled away slightly, just enough to rest his forehead against mine. "I want you to go inside and get some rest. Okay?" I nodded against him, willing to do just about anything he asked. "No more tears. Go put on some comfy jammies and climb in bed. You need to get some sleep."

I reached up between us and ran my thumb under one of his eyes, as if I could erase the dark circles that I knew I had caused. "So do you."

He smiled the first honest smile I had seen in almost two weeks, but what felt like a lifetime. He closed his eyes and nodded against me, our noses rubbing together. "For all your lies, you're still very loveable." He pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead before turning to leave. I stood in my spot and watched him as he waited for the elevator, never taking my eyes from him until the doors shut between us.

* * *

See, no worries. The man freakin' worships her and cannot possibly stay mad for too long. As I've said somewhere before, he is predisposed to adore her.

Any guesses as to where I shamelessly stole the last line Edward said to Bella from? It's one of those you either know it or you don't type things, I'm sure. I will say, KS mentioned loving it a couple months back and I listened to it nonstop while writing this chapter. It is amazing.


	15. Chapter 15

AN- Here's the next chappy! Sincerely, thank you all for reading. Coming over here from Twilighted was really just an outlet for me as I sometimes find that site a bit ... frustrating. But still, totes loves it! So I am very happy that my little story has found a home here with new (and old) readers!

As some reviewers have asked, I hope to update on Saturday mornings. But that is my goal, not a written contractual agreement :o) I would love to hold up to that, but I fear the weeks may catch up to where I am at in the story, and I'm just not that fast of a writer. When I write, a lot comes out at once, but then weeks go by before anything else emerges - so bare with me and don't hate if l get stuck, please.

Many of you got the reference from Edward's last line in chapter 14. For those still wondering, it was taken from "For Emma" by Bon Iver. Truly amazing song and sound. I highly suggest everyone rush on over to youtube and listen to the accapella version immediately after reading this chapter ;p I'll have to check the rules if I can list outside links on here, but just to be safe, search For Emma Bon Iver accapella, and it should be the first video, only a couple of minutes long. You will not be sorry.

Disclaimer: Twilight is still not mine, although does anything in here resemble anything from Twilight except a few characters?

* * *

I had taken Edward's advice and went straight to bed after he left on Friday night. My intention had been to stay in bed all weekend, because honestly, I felt like I had been through the ringer and needed to sleep until the next century.

Or Monday, whatever.

Instead, I awoke to find Alice pulling clothes from my drawers and mumbling something under her breath about my lack of proper clothing.

"Alice? What the hell are you doing here at," I glanced at my alarm clock, "8:30 on a Saturday morning?" I struggled into a sitting position and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. "You didn't mention this yesterday, did you?"

Alice found what she was looking for - or gave up and settled - before walking over to my bedside with a change of clothes for me.

"We've got to go register for your baby shower. The invitations have to be sent out on Monday, and if I left this up to you, it wouldn't get done."

She paused long enough to help pull me from my bed and steered me toward the bathroom.

"Besides, it's kind of like shopping, and how could I not do this? Now come on, you have twenty minutes to shower before I come in and take over for you."

"Do you treat Jasper this way, or am I the only lucky one?" She quirked an eyebrow of confusion at me. My huff of annoyance transformed into a huge yawn. "Never mind. Go – I'll be out in a few."

Thirty minutes later, I hesitantly made my way to the kitchen where I could clearly hear my cabinet drawers being banged around. Along the way, I discovered the two baskets of clean clothes I had been meaning to get to were now folded, the rest of my dirty laundry now sorted into piles. The quilt that had been tossed on my couch was now spread along the back of it, and the magazines on the coffee table were spread with precision. In the kitchen, the dishes were done and drying in the strainer while Alice continued to rummage.

"Bella, where the hell is your coffee?"

"I don't have any."

She turned and gave me a look that said she clearly questioned my sanity.

"What? I'm not supposed to have the caffeine anymore; it's not good for the baby. And I can't stand the decaf shit. Besides, isn't the point of coffee the caffeine?"

"Then let's go. But we're stopping at the first Starbucks we see. I need something to wake me up." Alice without caffeine was like me on speed, but I wasn't going to point that out to her when alone and defenseless.

After a quick stop for Alice's coffee, we spent the remainder of the morning and much of the afternoon perusing baby departments across Seattle. At first it was kind of fun. I was actually enjoying looking at the tiny outfits and cute little booties. But Alice didn't take well to my slow pace once she added caffeine to her blood.

After the first few hours and hundredth car seat, things sort of became a blur. I didn't have a clue what ended up on the registry, but it really didn't matter to me either. I knew my baby would have everything he needed, with or without this stuff.

The one thing that did catch my eye was a picture frame. It was a silver matted frame, large enough for a 4x6 photo. The simple words, "Daddy's Little Guy," were elegantly scrolled along the bottom in an antique finish. When Alice noticed me put it up on the counter, she gave me a knowing look.

"Are you ready for lunch?" I knew what her plan was – she wanted me to tell her what had been wrong with me. I wasn't a crying wreck today like I had been yesterday or when I spoke with her on the phone Thursday night. That was her cue that I was ready to talk – or at the very least, capable of it.

"Yeah, I could eat." I was actually famished. Coming down from an emotional breakdown will do that to you.

We made our way to a Famous Dave's because I really wanted something with a remoulade sauce, and their Cajun chicken sandwich would do the trick. Not to mention the drunken apples.

"So, are you ready to talk about it yet?"

I gave her a questioning look, which she shot down immediately.

"Don't play dumb with me, Belly. I gave you yesterday, but it's time to let it out."

"I'm okay, Alice. I mean, I think I will be."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

We paused our conversation for a moment when the waiter arrived with our food. Alice was gracious enough to allow me to devour the stringy, fried onion things on the top of my sandwich before she cleared her throat, prompting me to continue.

"He was really mad when he found out. We still haven't talked about it, but I guess his reaction was to be expected." I took a bite of my sandwich. Damn this shit was good. "I mean, I would be mad, too, if someone kept that from me. So, I brought this upon myself. I guess I have to deal with it."

"That doesn't mean you have to deal with it on your own, Belly. You should have called me."

I nodded in agreement but couldn't meet her eyes. Things were different now. Our lives were disconnected in a way they never had been in the past five years that we had known each other. Were Alice and I growing apart? Everything was changing too fast since last spring; I didn't think some of my old friends would even recognize me anymore. This reminded me of the last episode of _Friends_ where everyone moved and went their separate ways. Where was the damned reunion special to show it all turned out okay, and they were still just as close as ever? I didn't want to lose her, especially when I felt like the one doing the pushing.

"He came over yesterday."

"Really? So the two of you did talk, then?"

"Not really. He was just worried because I wasn't at work. He thought something might have happened to the baby, or something."

"See? That's great, Belly! He's in love with you!"

I winced at her words – when Alice was wrong, she was really wrong.

"No, Al. But I know he does care, which is the only thing I have to hold onto right now."

"So, what? He just came over to verify you were still pregnant and then left? You didn't talk about anything?"

"Basically. Just because he cares doesn't mean he's not still angry. He's not ready to talk, I get that. But even though I didn't feel it last night after he left, his visit calmed me, ya know? It's like, before that I was a mess, falling apart over every little thing. And now … I don't know. I feel at peace and secure, or some shit. He said we'd get through this, and I believe him."

"Of course you'll get through this, Bella. I know in the moment it can be hard to remember that, but you had to have known on some level that the two of you would get past it at some point. I mean, you're having a baby together; he couldn't stay mad at you forever."

Oh, Alice – if only things worked out in real life the way they always do in your fairy land. But of course, Alice wouldn't know how real life worked for others, namely me. She had never suffered a broken heart, been cheated on by a scummy ex-boyfriend, lost a parent or really had anything bad happen to her. She was one of those people whose life always worked out the way it was supposed to. How could I expect her to understand?

"No, I didn't know that. Not for certain, anyway. I know we were just friends, but I expected this to be like our final break up, the one you don't get over. I mean, this was major. I didn't tell him he was going to be a father! Any other relationship I've ever been in has ended over things far less important than that, so I really thought I blew it. Just from knowing him, I knew he'd still be a great father, but I thought our friendship was over."

Alice's phone began buzzing, so I took the opportunity to devour the rest of my food. When she finished, we moved on to talking about one of her clients, a new author trying to promote her little book about vampires and werewolves. Apparently, Alice could tell I really was doing better than I had been, because she didn't pry for more information about Edward for the rest of our afternoon.

The following Monday I arrived to work earlier than normal, slipping the wrapped frame with his ultrasound picture on his desk before he arrived. He never mentioned it, and neither did I. Things between us were much better over the next couple of weeks than what they had been the week he yelled at me, but certainly not back to normal by any standard. We still weren't meeting up for our prep hours, but he wasn't exactly ignoring me, either. I suppose from the outside looking in, no one would think twice about our interactions, the few that we had. I would say hi, he would ask how I had been feeling - nothing would seem amiss. But I missed him.

Alice really outdid herself for my baby shower, not that I was expecting anything less. All of our friends from school (the one's that still lived around here) and old co-workers showed up bearing blue and green wrapped gifts. To say I was surprised when Alice let in the last of my guests would have been an understatement. She had briefly mentioned inviting people from my work, but I felt uncomfortable asking acquaintances that I had only met two months earlier to a shower were it was customary to bring gifts. So when Esme and Angela followed Alice into my living room, I was shocked. I shot Alice a questioning look over Esme's shoulder as I hugged her in welcome.

"I knew you would never invite Esme yourself, even though you do nothing but talk about how wonderful she is non-stop," Alice turned to wink at Esme before going on. "So I went to the school and did it myself. And while I was in the office waiting to see Esme, Angela just happened to mention how much she loves baby showers and lives for creating diaper cakes! How could I not invite her? She's like my wingman."

All three women chuckled at my expense, I'm sure.

"Bella, you know I would want to be here. I would have been offended if I hadn't been invited." While her tone was joking, I knew Esme's words were sincere, and I blushed with embarrassment that I hadn't been the one to invite her.

"I'm sorry, Esme. I didn't want to inconvenience you."

"You sweet girl. When are you going to accept that some people may actually like you for you? You are hardly an inconvenience."

"Thank you, Esme. Thanks, Ang, for coming." Angela returned my smile and squeezed my hand before finding a seat.

The games were a bit humiliating and sometimes gross, but Alice was happy. We had waited until the end of the shower to open the gifts, and I could see why by the time the last of the presents were opened. My once clean living room looked like an elephant vomited miniature blue, green and yellow stuff everywhere. I was just a bit overwhelmed by the amount of crap people claim a tiny person would need. I didn't need this much junk to survive a day, how could a baby? When I happened to mumble something similar to my thoughts out loud, quite a few of the women around me laughed – once again, at my expense.

After seeing the last of my guests out the door, I took stock of the disaster that had landed in my living room. I had no idea where I would put all of this ... stuff. When I looked for apartments last May, I had decided on a one bedroom for practical and economical reasons. Until this very moment, I had naively thought my space was plenty big enough – at least until the baby was a little older. I mean, a baby took up less than two feet of space; I used to have lots of empty space to sit a two-foot being. I was starting to realize it wasn't the baby that needed his own room, but all the junk he would supposedly need.

"Alice! We missed a gift?" Tucked in the corner, behind one of my armchairs was a cream colored bassinet. How horrible of a hostess was I? I practically just kicked all my guests out because I was tired, and I missed someone's gift! And it was a big one, too.

"Nope. That one came with special instructions not to be opened until after the party."

I eyed her skeptically as I approached the bassinet. I recognized it immediately as the one I had put on my registry. As I neared it, I noticed it was loaded with other little odds and ends.

"Did you do this, Alice?" She really shouldn't have. Alice had already bought me the high chair I wanted, which was a pricey item itself. I knew it didn't matter to her, but she should know buying me two pricey items would make me uncomfortable.

"No, it's not from me. Go ahead, have a look."

Hmm, she knew something. There wasn't a card or anything to let me know who it was from, but I did spot a plain legal sized envelope. I grabbed that first, wanting to know who this was from before I looked through the contents. Call me old fashioned, but I liked to think of the gift-giver as I was opening my gifts – something ingrained into me from my childhood.

There wasn't any writing on the outside of the envelope, so I carefully opened it and pulled out the folded papers inside. I scanned the papers quickly, first looking for a name, but came up empty. The only name anywhere on the document was mine. As I took in the actual contents of the document, my eyes bugged out of my head.

I heard Alice's intake of breath behind me. When I looked back at her, she was staring at the document with the same look of shock that I was sure was on my face.

"I had no idea he was going to do that," Alice whispered, her voice laced with awe.

I turned to her, shaking the document at her. "What do you know about this, Alice? Who did this?"

She shook her head and walked back to the kitchen.

When Alice and I had gone shopping to register for the shower, I went just a bit overboard – or Alice did. Okay, I allowed her to persuade me into registering for every single thing that I saw and wanted. Sure, the registries for each of the stores we had gone to were several pages long and included some high priced items, but I knew the friends that were invited wouldn't think I was being pretentious. I only did it because Alice said it would give my guests more options to choose from, as well as my own personal wish list for things to purchase along the way. I had everything on there from the crib and bedding I wanted down to bath toys and teething rings.

In my hand was a delivery invoice for every single item left on my registries, due to be delivered this Friday, Black Friday. Whoever did this had spent thousands. And a sneaking suspicion was beginning to form in my mind as to who that may have been.

I began looking through the items in the bassinet, none of those things from the registry. I had to admit, the items were beautiful. The first thing I picked up was a shiny, silver airplane that looked like it should have been a piggybank – a very pricey piggybank. After inspecting it though, I discovered it wasn't a piggybank, but played beautiful, tinkling music. The airplane was somewhat of a theme, as I found a matching silver rattle, bowl and spoon. Seriously, did people actually feed babies with silver spoons? There was also a plush giraffe, the tiniest baseball uniform I had ever seen, bottles of lotion for me, as well as candles. Tucked into the back, underneath the basket of candles, was the only wrapped item in the bassinet. I slowly removed the light blue paper, knowing instinctively that it was a picture frame of some sort, and my suspicions as to who was behind this were growing.

Tears clouded my vision as I took in the frame. It was silver, much like the one I had purchased a couple of weeks before. On the right side was space for a 5x7 photo and on the left was an elegantly scrawled poem on cream cardstock and matted on black, entitled "My Daddy's Love".

"I guess you figured out who it's from?" I turned to see Alice approaching me with a cup of tea. I wiped my eyes before taking the cup from her, breathing in the earthy aroma for a moment before addressing her.

"What do you have to do with this?"

She sighed heavily before flopping down on the couch. "I really had no idea he was going to buy out the stores. I mean, the guy reeks of money despite being a teacher, but this never crossed my mind. When I picked up the bassinet this morning, I didn't think anything of it. Sure, his choices seemed a bit ostentatious, but this… I didn't see that one coming."

"Wait a minute, back up. What do you mean, when you picked the bassinet up this morning? You saw him!?!"

She had the nerve to roll her eyes at me. "Of course not. Would I sneak around on you like that?"

I raised one of my eyebrows at her – she was not getting off the hook that easily. I knew what she was doing.

"Mary Alice Brandon, you are not allowed to meddle with this! Do you understand?"

"I wasn't meddling!"

My brow went up a bit further.

"Alright, maybe a little. But nothing bad came of it, and you have nothing to worry about. I didn't see him this morning. He had already left, and the bassinet was sitting inside his covered porch, where he said it would be. I thought it would be nice to invite him, since he is your friend, right? Nothing could be construed from that. I just went to invite him when I invited Esme and Angela."

"And when was this, exactly?"

"The Monday after we went shopping. I promise I didn't say anything to him. I didn't even see him. I just slid the invitation into his mailbox in the office when I saw it. Honestly, that was a stroke of luck, because I had no idea how I was going to find his room with all of those security measures in place. Not to mention trying to avoid you, as well."

"So you never actually talked to him."

"Well…"

"Spill it."

"Alright. He called me a few days later. You know, it does say to RSVP on the invitation. Anyway, he kind of let on that he didn't think it would be a good idea for him to show up, but that he appreciated the invitation and wanted to thank me. And he asked me if I would mind picking up the bassinet today."

What the hell did that mean? Was it not a good idea because Esme would be here, as well as Angela? Or maybe because we hadn't talked yet? Hell, it could have been because it was a shower and men notoriously hated showers. Couldn't say I blamed them. Maybe he didn't want to be the only male in a room full of women with babies on their minds. I was so tired of playing these guessing games – my head hurt.

"Whatever. I'm going to lie down."

"Don't be mad at me, Belly."

"I'm not mad, Al. I just… things with him are still so complicated. I think we're getting better, but we're still not there. I don't want anything to mess that up."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's not your fault, Alice. You didn't do anything wrong. And he wasn't mad, right?"

"No, definitely not mad. He sounded a little hesitant on the phone, but I don't really know. I mean, he could have just been nervous about talking to me." She gave me a sad smile before it brightened considerably. "You know what this means, right?"

I wasn't following her swift change in attitude.

"Belly, he bought every item on your registries! And look at that poem! He's committed – definitely ready."

I shook my head at her in amusement. "I'm going to bed, Alice. Thank you for today." I stood up and grabbed the giraffe from the bassinet before hugging my friend and exiting to my bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What are you looking at, Swan?" His question startled me, as I hadn't even heard him enter the lounge behind me. He sat down beside me and immediately began massaging my shoulder with his hand while trying to catch a glimpse of the mint green pamphlet lying on the table in front of me. This was the first physical contact he had initiated since that night outside my apartment. While it felt amazing, it also made my stomach clench with anticipation and nerves.

"It's a pamphlet from the hospital - a schedule of classes. My doctor said I should try taking the classes as soon as possible before it's too late." December was right around the corner, and I was due in January. A little over nine weeks to go and my life would never be the same. I'll admit it scared the crap out of me when I realized just how close my due-date was getting.

"What kind of classes?"

I don't know why I was embarrassed having this conversation with him, but of course I could feel my blush cover my face, as usual. "Lamaze, breast feeding, you know."

"There's a class for breast feeding? I'd like to go to that one."

"Ha, ha, very funny."

"Let me see that." He took the folded paper from my hand, looking over the different classes offered. "Wow, there are a lot of choices. Would you do the water one?"

"I don't think so. I hear it can be more relaxing, but I think I'm going to stick with a traditional birth for this one." I patted my belly, indicating our son.

"Lamaze, Bradley- there's still a lot to decide, huh?"

"Yeah, it's a little overwhelming."

I watched as he read the descriptions of the different classes offered, patiently waiting. "The child and infant CPR one sounds like a good idea. You know, besides the birthing ones. Or you could still learn the CPR if you take the parenting skills one."

I bit my bottom lip, unsure of what the emotions were that he was stirring up inside of me, but still certain I liked it.

"These birthing classes all mention a partner or coach. Do you have one?"

I shrugged my shoulder beneath his hand, still biting my lip. "Alice said she'd go with me, if I want."

"What about me?"

"Do you want to?" I whispered, my voice shaking with nerves. This was the most we had ever discussed his involvement with the baby. If he said yes, then that meant he wanted to be with me during the birth, at the very least.

"I do," was his reply, just as quiet and shaky as mine. I nodded at him before turning to look back at the pamphlet in his hands.

"I'm not sure what one to do, Bradley or Lamaze. I don't really understand the differences."

"This says that Bradley focuses on trying to make it easier for you to have a natural birth, without drugs. They teach you different ways of easing pain. It says the father's role is very important for this method." He looked back at me, biting his own lip.

"I'd like to try natural, but I've got to admit that I'm scared to death. What if the pain is more than I can handle?"

He leaned into me, his face centimeters from mine as he rubbed my back. "If the pain is too much, then we'll get an epidural. Try not to worry about that, Bell. Maybe it would be a good idea to take this one, since it teaches you different techniques to alleviate the pain, and maybe it will help with your fears, as well."

"When's the next one start?"

"Um, next Monday. Do you want me to call to see if we can get in?"

I nodded my head, still reeling from the fact that he was doing this with me.

"What about the others? Did you want to take any of the other classes?"

I looked back at the green pamphlet, knowing I did. "Yeah, the parenting one and breastfeeding. Any time's good, whatever they have available."

He nodded at me before pulling his phone out and dialing the number at the bottom. Reaching across the table, he grabbed a pencil to jot down the information as he spoke to the voice on the other end of the line. This was so surreal - listening to him schedule birthing classes when we hadn't even acknowledge that we were going to be parents, at least not to each other.

I sat listening to his silky voice and relaxing into his touch as he continued my massage. I laid my head down on my folded arms upon the table, giving him better room as he worked. My body was starting to feel so languid and relaxed for the first time in forever that I was starting to drift off.

"Bella, sweetie?"

"Hmm?" I didn't even open my eyes, too far gone to care.

"The labor class is normally a twelve week class. We don't have that long. They do offer a shorter one that meets for six weeks, but it's twice a week. Do you want to do that?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

I heard him switch back to talking to the phone, his voice not as soothing for whoever it was on the line. Finally, I registered the sound of his phone snapping shut and his chair legs scraping the floor. His hand never left my back, however, so I didn't even bother opening my eyes. I was surprised to feel his other hand join in, really working into my tired back muscles.

"God Edward, that feels so good." Was that really me? Couldn't be. I must be dreaming.

"How've you been feeling lately?" I could hear the hint of worry in his voice, the same tone that told me his brow would be furrowed and eyes sad if I were to open mine and look at him.

"Mostly good, but my back hurts a lot."

"I'm sorry."

"'s okay," my words were beginning to slur, sleep pulling me farther under.

"Our classes are on Tuesday and Thursday nights, from six to nine. Your breastfeeding class meets on Mondays for three weeks, from five to seven, starting the week after next. And our parenting class is a three week seminar on Sunday afternoons, also the week after next. Is that okay?"

"MmHmm."

"How was your shower?"

"Good. 's nice to see some of my old friends." I knew this was my opportunity to bring up his gift, and all that it implied. "Thank you for the gifts. I really love the picture frame."

"And I really love mine."

A shy smile spread across my face. We were getting somewhere.

"I think you may have gone overboard, though. I'm going to have to insist you send back the stuff being delivered on Friday."

"Why would you do that? I'm not taking it back."

"Edward, it's too much."

"It's stuff you're going to need, isn't it?"

I shrugged one of my shoulders. Honestly, would I need all of that stuff? Probably not. Some of it, maybe, but definitely not all of it.

"He's my baby, too, Bella. I want to do this for him, and for you."

His hands froze momentarily on my back along with my breathing. This was it. This was the moment that would set us off in whatever direction we were going to go.

"I miss you, Edward." I wasn't sure if he even heard me until I felt his hands leave my back.

Great, I blew it. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyelids but willed them away. This was not the time for crying; the bell would ring in a few minutes, signaling the end of lunch, and I didn't want him to think I couldn't make it through a conversation without becoming a blubbering idiot.

But then he was on his knees beside me, pulling me in for a hug. "I miss you, too."

I squeezed my arms around his neck, not even caring that I was probably strangling him. If I was, he didn't seem to mind. I still had to fight back my tears, but for entirely different reasons than from just a few seconds earlier.

"What are you doing for the holiday?"

It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, only one and a half days of school left before the break. "Goin' to Charlie's."

"When are you leaving?"

"Wednesday night."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothin', why?"

"I just thought we could get something for dinner. Maybe talk."

"Mm'k."

"I'll pick you up at 5:30 then?"

"'K."

"Bella, do you even know what you just agreed to?"

"Dinner, tonight, 5:30. Got it."

He laughed before brushing a kiss against my cheek.

"Come on, sleepy head. It's almost time for class." He pulled me to my feet, guiding me out to the hall with a warm hand resting low on my back. "Maybe you should head home right after school and take a nap. I could just bring some dinner with me, if you'd like?"

A sleepy smile spread over my face as I looked up at him rather than where I was going, knowing he wouldn't let me fall. "That sounds even better."

I had taken Edward up on his suggestion and left work right after the final bell to rush home for a nap. As much as I hated it, exhaustion was once again becoming a part of my daily life, and I wanted to be well-rested for tonight. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be, but I knew we were in for a long overdue talk. And really, I doubted it could end too badly, as he had volunteered himself to be my birthing coach. And didn't he say something about our parenting class? As in we, not my. He wanted to be here - I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

I had arrived home just before four and was fast asleep within minutes. All I really needed was a quick cat nap, so I set my alarm for quarter to five, knowing I would need that much time to make myself look presentable after waking.

I slowly woke up from my nap to an annoying buzzing before I realized it was my alarm. Shit, I overslept. It was already after five, and Edward would be here within twenty minutes. I ran into the bathroom to check just how bad I was. It was pretty bad. There was no way around it, I was taking a shower. I started the water before going back into my room to search for some clothes and to shed the ones I had on. Laying out an outfit, I grabbed my robe and headed back toward the bathroom. A moment of clarity struck when I realized I might not hear the door if Edward arrived early, or if I took too long, which I had been known to do. After unlocking the door, I made my way to the bathroom and quickly stepped into the shower.

My mind was still racing, trying to think up all the scenarios that might play out tonight, and all the things I needed to still find out. I was certain some cardinal rules were definitely going to be broken. Obviously we would talk about the baby, which meant our …previous relations … would be hinted at, at the very least. And I had to ask about Tanya for the sake of my own well-being. I thought if I was going to have a baby with this man, then I had the right to know the status of his personal relationships.

As I rushed to rinse the last traces of soap from my body, my foot slipped on the wet, slick bathtub floor. Even under normal conditions I was a klutz, but when you add to that the extra heft from my very pregnant belly, there was no way I wasn't going down.

A million thoughts went rushing through my head as I fell to the ground, but foremost in my mind was that I couldn't land on my belly. I somehow contorted my body into landing on the side of my left hip and elbow, as well as my right hand catching behind my back.

My hand slid from the water, but not before I heard a sickening snap. I couldn't hold back the scream that shot through me at the gut wrenching pain, or the onslaught of tears that poured from my eyes, mixing seamlessly with the still pounding shower water. I tried to sit up, but putting pressure on my right arm was impossible. As top heavy as I was right now, I could barely get up with two well-working arms. I was not moving with only one.

As I tried to maneuver myself into a more comfortable position away from the cooling water, a pain tore through my abdomen.

No. No, no, no, no! This is not happening. Edward, God Edward hurry. Please no, not my baby!

The pain from my arm was completely forgotten as the new pain continued to take hold of my abdomen.

Hang on, little one. Daddy will save us.

My cries continued forcefully from my lungs, screaming for anyone to help, but mostly yelling for Edward.

And then he was there, standing in my bathroom doorway, eyes frantic. He stood frozen long enough that I thought he was a mirage, or perhaps just an angel, before he shot into action. He slammed the faucet off, taking note of my shivering body. Grabbing a towel, he tried to lift me from the tub before I let out a blood-curdling scream.

"God, baby, I'm sorry. What hurts? Tell me where it hurts so I won't hurt you."

"My right arm. I think it's broken." I continued to gasp and cry as he pulled me from the tub and into his lap.

"Shit!" His voice set off warning bells, and I turned my blurry eyes towards his, wanting to know what was wrong. He grasped the back of my head in his powerful hand, pushing it into his neck as he subconsciously began rocking me.

"It's gonna be okay. Everything's going to be just fine." I tried to believe him, but the way his voice was shaking and his body was trembling told me something else was wrong.

From there, he moved very quickly, pulling my robe around me as best he could without releasing me and grabbing the throw from the back of the couch on his way out the door. I don't even think he locked it.

When we got to his car, he didn't bother settling me in a seat, just throwing open the driver's side door and cramming us both in. He managed to maneuver the seat into a position he was able to drive in before pulling out his cell phone. I tried to focus on his voice rather than the pain in my abdomen as he dialed Mercy Hospital. I listened to his frantic words, describing how he found me, and that we would be there in less than ten minutes. I managed to hang on to his every word until he told them about the blood.

He found blood coming from between my legs, and from the sounds of it, there was a lot.

That was all it took before I passed out in his arms.

* * *

AN - okay, sorry it went there. I got a review where the reviewer was making predictions and guessed Bella would have an accident and that is how the two of them would make up, you know, Edward rushing to her side in the hospital. The reviewer, who was incorrect but still guessed the next aspect of the story, apologized for the 'cliche' guess.

_Cliche?_ _Scooby say wha?_

As I may have said on here before (or maybe not - reviews and an's from Twilighted are all a blur), I'm quite new to reading Twilight fanfic and have only recently found and read a few stories that deal with a pregnant Bella. Looks like the trip to the hospital is quite cliche. Sorry, my bad. But, silver lining I hope, I still haven't read anything quite like what I have written, and the hospital scenario only lasts for a couple of chapters before the progression.

Okay, enough spilling before I tell more than I should, which I may have already done.

Thanks a million for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**AN - okay, I'm giving you guys this a day early because I'm in a good mood and I just recieved an amazing review. Now seriously, I really do love all of my reviews and totally appreciate them all, but this one was long and the reviewer offered to rob a bank for me if I wouldn't hurt the baby. I'm thinking of actually posting the next chapter during the week as well because this was actually cut in half, so I don't want to make you guys wait a whole week for the other half of the chapter. So maybe Tuesday or Wednesday.**

**Disclaimer - still not mine and I'm not making any money off of this, unless someone happens to send me money from a robbed bank - in which case I should probably turn it in (and I still wouldn't be proffiting) or I may end up in the big house right next to said reviewer. But then I will have all the time in the world to write - silver lining people.**

**Disclaimer 2 - author does not condone or suggest in any way that readers should rob banks :o)**

The first things I noticed when I started coming to were an annoying beeping sound and the fact that the earth was shaking. A few more things became clear as I lay there. My right lower arm was wrapped in something tight, which I assumed was a cast, that extended up my hand to wrap around my thumb. My left hand was wet and warmer than the rest of my body, and I was in pain, but not the excruciating pain from before.

Memories of earlier hit me all at once, and I tried to pry open my eyes to make sure the baby was still there, but I swear to God, someone placed miniature lead weights on my eyelids.

When I was finally able to force my eyes open, I found with relief that my belly was still very large and that there was indeed a cast on my right arm. The earth shaking that I thought I had felt was actually coming from the tremors of the man beside me. Edward was hunched over on a seat next to my bed. One of his hands was gripping the fingers of my left hand as his head lay upon it, while the other was snaked around my arm. The fingers of that hand were lost in the disarray of his hair. He was silently screaming as tears fell unabated from his eyes. His shoulders shook with such force that I knew then something was wrong.

"Edward," I managed to choke out. My throat hurt from my earlier screams.

His head shot up, bloodshot eyes meeting mine in an instant. We sat like that for a split second before he removed his hand from his hair to wipe at his face. "I'm sorry I woke you. I should go so you can get some rest. The doctor said you needed to rest."

"I lost our baby, didn't I?" My face scrunched up as the tears flooded my eyes. I knew from the pain in his eyes that it had to be true. Now that I had asked, I didn't want to hear the answer. A sob erupted from within me. If I lost our baby over something as stupid as one of my millions of klutzy falls, I couldn't go on.

"No, no, Bella. The baby is fine." I shook my head, not believing his words. "It's true. He's good as can be. The doctor said it probably just felt like a dip on a roller coaster." He was now standing, wiping my own tears with both of his hands while they still continued down his face.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm scared. God, Bella, I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose you both. And everything happened so fast, everything was so crazy around here for a while that I didn't know what to do, and I was just functioning. I guess it caught up to me. I'm sorry I made you think something was wrong." His voice was so lost, it was heartbreaking in its own right.

"You promise nothing's wrong with the baby?"

"Nothing. As long as you take it easy for a little while, everything will be fine."

"What do you mean? What are you talking about, Edward?" My voice started to rise again in panic before he shushed me.

"Nothing, nothing for you to worry about. It's just that your body went through a traumatic experience tonight and needs to rest. It can't handle anything else right now, okay? You and the baby are both alive and healthy. That's all that matters."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Now you should try to get back to sleep."

"Edward?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Will you hold me?" I whispered, my voice laced with the insecurity I felt.

"Of course."

He easily adjusted me to the left side of the bed, where I could roll comfortably onto my side. Then he walked around the bed, toeing off his shoes before sliding onto the bed behind me. After a couple minutes of maneuvering, I was comfortably resting with his arms wrapped around me and my back spooned to his front. His right hand automatically sought out the swell of our child, burrowing beneath the thin gown to place its warmth directly on my skin.

"Thank you," I whispered, placing a kiss on the soft skin peeking out beneath the short sleeve of his t-shirt under my head. I was taking chances, but it was easier here in the dark, surrounded by fear.

"Thank you, Bella. I think I need this more than you." I doubted that very much but kept quiet. He didn't need to know how much I needed him. "I called the sub-line to get us subs for the next couple of days, so don't even think about work."

"Edward, you don't need to take off. There are only two days left of the week. Your kids have that huge test today. You need to go into work."

"Fuck work. I'm not going anywhere. You'll be lucky if I let you out of my sight to pee anytime soon." I tried to smirk at his attempt at humor, but his voice was too raw and on the edge for me to dismiss. "You're going to be so sick of me smothering you that you'll probably suffocate me in my sleep."

"I don't mind smothering." I didn't miss his snort in my ear. I needed the comfort and safety I knew he could provide. In a much quieter voice I whispered, "I could use a little smothering right now, Edward."

He slid his scratchy cheek from atop my head to nuzzle my neck. I felt his lips on my ear, followed quickly by his hot, moist breath.

"You got it. Anything for you, Bella."

I relaxed into his arms and body, sinking into sleep as he slowly traced hot, sweet kisses everywhere his mouth could reach.

Although he had tried to be quiet, the snick of the door latch alerted me to Edward leaving at some point during the night. I heard him sneak back in what felt like only seconds later, but could have been hours. He had folded himself into the chair beside my bed and ran his hands through his hair before he noticed my eyes were on him. I extended my hand to him, and he slowly moved back to the bed. He looked like the weight of the world was weighing him down, and I didn't know how to help him. I nestled into him with my head on his shoulder, my hand on his chest and legs tucked between his. Not a word had been said, and I quickly fell back under.

I kept my eyes closed as consciousness resurfaced. I just needed a few more minutes of the sweet bliss I was currently in before facing the problems of the new day, and I was certain there would be many. Edward had assured me the baby was fine, and I believed him, but something more was going on than what he was telling me.

I was still in the same position in which I had fallen asleep, my ear resting right above his heart. Despite the large hunk of belly, we fit together amazingly well. One of his hands was tangled in my hair, twirling the strands between his fingers, as his other hand traced imaginary patterns on my bare belly. Hospital gowns never left much for decency, and with his arm pooling the thin fabric up around where my waist used to be, I was extremely grateful for the woven blanket draped over the lower half of me. As much as I was certain everyone had seen yesterday when he carried me in with nothing but a robe and blanket wrapped around me, I didn't relish the thought of the whole world getting a glorious view of my naked bum each time they walked through my door now that I was conscious.

Perhaps that was what had awoken me in the first place, because I had no more than thought of another medical personnel coming to poke and prod at me, when I heard a throat being cleared between the door and my bare back. Edward must have had his eyes shut as well. I was about to open my eyes and roll to face whomever was standing there when Edward's sleepy voice kept me still.

"Dad?"

What? I knew his father was a doctor, but I thought he had said something about intensive care. This was not how I had ever imagined meeting Edward's father - in a hospital bed, seven months knocked up with his grandchild and lying half naked in his son's arms.

"What are you doing here?"

"Your mother just called me. She asked me to check on Miss Swan. I was headed up here when Dr. Manners stopped to congratulate me on the new addition to the family and assured me both mother and baby are doing well."

I felt Edward's movements pause for the briefest of seconds before he nervously fidgeted and resumed his unconscious belly rub. "I'm sorry I haven't told you or Mom yet. There's just a lot we needed to deal with first. But, I promise you, I had planned on telling you both very soon. Actually, I had hoped to share the news on Thursday."

God, I was such a heel. He was lying to his father - to protect me, I'm sure. How could Edward tell his parents they were about to become grandparents when he only found out himself a couple of weeks ago?

"There's no need to explain, son. I know you have your reasons, and we can talk more about this later. I'm not so sure this is the right time to have this talk. But I think you should consider telling your mother now. It's going to be hard for me to keep this from her."

"No, of course. I couldn't ask you to keep this from mom. She's going to come up here later on. I'll tell her then."

"You know she's going to be ecstatic. Miss Swan is all she's been able to talk about since the summer. I wouldn't doubt if she already suspects."

The hand that had been tangled in my long locks was now smoothing the hair back from my forehead. I felt his warm lips pressed tightly to my forehead before he very carefully rolled me to my back and left the bed.

"What is it, son?" I still had my eyes closed, so I couldn't see what had put the worry into Dr. Cullen's voice, but I could hear it.

There was a long pause where neither of them said anything, the only sound that of their clothes rustling. When Edward finally broke the silence, I wished he hadn't.

"I'm so scared, dad." His voice broke along with my heart.

"It's normal, Edward. Lots of first time fathers have these fears. I know I was terrified when we finally brought you home." Dr. Cullen's voice was light, but it sounded forced. "I didn't want to hold you for fear I'd break you. But when I did I couldn't put you down for fear you weren't real."

When Edward spoke again, his voice was thick with tears. "Not about that - that I can handle. I almost lost her yesterday. I thought I did." His voice broke off at the end. I opened my eyes, wanting to reassure him I was fine when I saw him wrapped in his father's tight embrace. At first Edward stood with his hands covering his face, body rigid except for the forceful jerks from his sobs. Finally he dropped his arms to close around his father's back.

"I thought she was dying when I found her in the tub. Her skin was so white and her lips were blue. She was screaming and crying for me, but I couldn't do a damn thing to help her, Dad. I thought she was dead in the car. She quit crying and went limp in my arms, and I thought I lost them both. I couldn't save them. I fucking couldn't do a damn thing, and I lost them both!" He quit talking, his sobs too powerful to let anymore words out as he shook in his father's firm clutch.

"Shh, it's okay son. You did save them. You got her here as quickly as you could, and you called ahead so they were ready for you. It's okay, she's okay."

"No, it's not okay," he cried back, his voice higher than I'd ever heard it, tight with strain. "I couldn't help her. There was so much blood. And she was shaking and screaming for me to help her, and I couldn't do anything."

"Shhhh. I know how hard this is. I know you hate that you can't protect her from everything. You can't hold on to this guilt, Edward. You did everything for her that you could." Dr. Cullen's voice had been firm, but dropped to a gentle whisper when he continued. "I never wanted you to feel this pain. But you can't hold onto it. The baby is okay, and so is Bella. You didn't lose them, Edward."

Neither of them said anything after that, and eventually Edward's gasps slowed. "I'm going to run to the restroom. Will you stay with her for me?"

"Of course. Take your time."

"Thank you, Dad. I'll be right back."

As soon as I heard the snick of the door, Dr. Cullen's voice called out to me. "How are you feeling, Miss Swan?"

I opened my eyes to lock onto his, wiping them with the palm of my hand. Dr. Cullen walked over to my side before handing me a tissue from the counter. "Thank you. I'm feeling well. I'm not really even in any pain, except for my wrist."

"I'm glad to hear it. I'm sorry you had to witness that. I know Edward wouldn't have wanted you to see him like that. If he had known you were awake, he wouldn't have let himself go." I turned my eyes away from him to look out the window, processing his words. "But it does make what I have to say a bit easier." I looked back at him, my brow furrowed.

"I'm not sure how much you know, but my wife and I had a very hard time making it through a pregnancy before we were blessed with Edward. We never tried again. There was no point in going through that pain again when we already had everything we wanted. We poured every ounce of love we had into Edward." His tone was light as he reminisced about this part of his past. Even though it was obvious the events leading up to Edward's conception were painful, it appeared the pain had been erased by his birth. Desperation replaced the previous joy when he continued.

"I can't imagine him ever having to feel the pain that we went through, but I can see he already is. I hope that you will help him through this."

His request confused me. What could I possibly do for him other than make sure I didn't fall again?

"I don't know what I can do."

"Just let him help you, that's all. Edward likes to feel in control, and I think last night shook him up more than we can know. Don't shut him out. Try to make him feel needed." I nodded my head vigorously, looking down at my hands rubbing my belly.

"I know Edward is trying to protect me, but I need to know. What happened?"

"What do you remember about last night?"

"Everything. Well, up until the ride here."

"I've looked over your chart, so I can fill you in a little. I'm sure once I make my rounds, I will hear more details."

"It's the specifics I'm looking for. Something was wrong, Dr. Cullen. I heard Edward say I was bleeding, and my stomach was cramping. I still don't know what happened, or if I can really believe that everything is fine."

"First, call me Carlisle. I will not have the mother of my grandbaby calling me Dr. Cullen." I forced a tiny smile, trying to appear relaxed. He sighed, noticing my anxiety. "You had a partial placental abruption. They rushed you into an ultrasound, although they were already quite certain. A placental abruption means that part, or all, of the placenta tore away from the uterine wall, which caused the bleeding."

Oh God, stop. I can't take this right now. I was wrong. I am a coward, and I can not handle this alone. That was not nothing! I wasn't sure of all the details, but I was quite sure something that had to do with the placenta tearing away from the uterus before it's time is not nothing to concern myself with!

"Wait. I can't, I… can you wait until Edward gets back?" I looked around the room, grasping for straws. Here Dr. Cullen had just heard firsthand how difficult this was for his son, and I was asking him to wait for Edward to hear it again. "What about this? Can we start with this instead?" I held my casted arm up to him.

"Of course. When you fell, you must have used your hand to try to catch yourself?" I nodded my head, already knowing all this, but appreciating the distraction none the less. "You've suffered a broken wrist: Colles fracture. It's not really a break in the wrist, but at the bone right below it. It's quite a common break, but also one of the more difficult ones to heal. You're lucky it's a clean break. You should have the cast off before the baby's born, but you will have to really follow doctor's orders. Even after that, it can sometimes take up to a year before you have full use out of it. That means, in the mean time, no heavy lifting or extensive use of it."

I nodded my understanding, signaling for him to continue.

The door pushed open, Edward moving quickly inside. A smile spread across his face when he saw me awake and speaking with his father. He moved to my side, dropping a kiss on my forehead and taking my hand lightly in his. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel good, really. Your dad was just filling me in on what happened." His brow furrowed on his telling face, obvious discomfort that he didn't want to talk about it. I tried to catch his downturned eyes with mine. "Edward, I need to hear this. I have to know what happened." I squeezed his fingers tightly, pulling him in toward me.

"Do you need anything?"

There was nothing that I needed except him. I just stared at his still bloodshot eyes, reveling in his attention. The corner of his mouth lifted. Damn, could he read my mind? I felt my cheeks blush as he messed with the buttons on the side of my bed, raising the head so that I could comfortably sit up. Then he began fussing with the pillows, arranging them behind me.

"Is this okay?" I thought he was asking me, until I saw he was addressing his father.

"Yes, she can sit up for a little while." What were they talking about?

Carlisle took notice of the confusion on my face. "You're on bed rest, Bella."

"So, I can't get up?"

"Let's back up a bit first. You should know more about placental abruptions so that you understand what's going on."

I nodded my head, knowing I had to hear this. I looked to Edward, pleading with my eyes. He sat beside me on the bed, above the covers this time. He wrapped his left arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him while he simultaneously dropped a kiss on my head and intertwined our fingers on the swell of our baby. Just his proximity gave me the courage to hear the rest.

"We won't know exactly how much has torn away until after the birth, but we can get a pretty good grasp on things in other ways. I know Edward was pretty worried about all the blood, but amount can't really indicate severity in this case. We ran some tests on you, and your blood count came back good. Of course, whenever you throw water into the mix, it always appears much worse than it actually is. In fact, the cold water probably acted as a cold compress, stopping the bleeding much sooner than it otherwise might have. But that is something we will have to pay close attention to after the birth. Sometimes, the site of the tear can hemorrhage after birth. That is not something you will need to worry about since we already know to be watching for it."

"When the placenta tears away from the uterine wall, there really isn't anything we can do to 'fix' it. Once it's torn, it's torn – it can't heal, if you will. There are different levels of severity that would dictate how we handle placental abruptions. Yours falls somewhere between mild to moderate, but now we are leaning more toward mild. Which is very good news. You were contracting when you were examined. That, combined with the cramping you were experiencing along with the blood loss would warrant the moderate diagnosis."

"But, and this is the best sign, neither you nor the baby were showing any signs of distress due to the tear. The baby's heartbeat remained very strong right from the beginning. The contractions ended shortly after you arrived, and the bleeding has not started again, which is why we are now leaning towards mild."

"If you had come in showing only mild symptoms, we would typically observe you for a bit before sending you home and telling you to take it easy. Because of the contractions, more than anything, we want to keep you for a while to make sure there aren't any changes. We're going to be taking extra precautions with you, just to be safe. While you are here, we want you to take it easy. You may sit and get up to use the restroom, but try to limit your time out of the bed. When you are discharged, I'm sure you will still be on bed rest, but that will be up to Dr. Manners to determine how much and for how long."

"What about work? What about travel? I was supposed to go home tomorrow."

"You're going to have to talk to Dr. Manners about all of that, but I can tell you that you probably won't be going back to work for a couple of weeks, at least. Traveling is going to be a sticky issue. While I'm hoping you will be out of here by then, I don't think you'll be up for any long trips by tomorrow."

I sat considering this for a moment before his pager went off. He looked down at it for a minute. "I'm sorry to have to go, but duty calls. I'll talk to you later, Edward. You take care, Bella. I'll check on how you're doing in a while. Take care of my grandson," he teased before exiting the room.

"That was a lot to take in. How are you feeling?" His concern was touching.

"I'm okay. I think I can handle this. How hard can it be to sit here and gestate? Lord knows that's all I did for the first trimester." He smirked at me, grateful to find a glimmer of humor in any of this. "I suppose I better call Charlie to cancel my plans and let him know what's going on."

"Why don't you let me call?" I jumped to turn him down. Charlie had no idea who he was, and frankly, I thought it would be best for me to explain things to him. This was not how I wanted Charlie to learn about Edward. But then I remembered him crying last night and this morning, and Carlisle's simple request to let Edward help me. If it would make Edward feel useful ... I nodded at him.

He grabbed the pad of paper and a pen from a drawer in the side table before turning back to me, ready to record his phone number. After I filled him in on Charlie's numbers, he asked permission to tell Alice and Jacob.

"I can't tell them, Edward."

"You can't not tell them, Bella." He had a point.

"But they're both at work. There's no use making them worry when there's nothing they can do and no point in worrying."

"Why don't you let them decide for themselves?" I'd heard those words before. Damn people, always throwing my need for control in my face.

"Fine." I rattled off Jacob's number, knowing he already had Alice's.

I listened as he handled Charlie. My dad took the news surprisingly well, especially as it was coming from a stranger. Then again, my dad always had been a cool cucumber.

"Hold on for a moment. Bell, are you up for talking on the phone?"

I rolled my eyes at him, but smiled to let him know I was only kidding as I held my good hand out for the phone.

"Here she is." He held the phone out to me and stuck out his tongue.

My dad was pretty concerned and upset that I wouldn't be able to make it home for Thanksgiving, but grateful that I was okay. Of course he was curious as to who Edward was and why I had some stranger call me with such personal news. I decided what the hell, since Edward was currently too preoccupied with bossing a nurse around to notice - something about me and breakfast. "He's the father."

"Oh. I was under the impression that he was not in the picture."

"Well, he is, it's just that….It's complicated."

"Well, he's there now. I guess that's something. How come Jake didn't call me last night?" I knew the question sounded pretty presumptuous, but it really wasn't. Jake was pretty close to my dad, and the two of them gossiped more than my fifth grade girls. I wouldn't doubt if Charlie didn't know more about Edward than he was letting on.

"It happened pretty late, Dad. I haven't talked to him yet."

"He doesn't even know yet!?"

"Like I said, it was late. I just woke up a little while ago, so I haven't had the chance to call him."

"Then how does this Edward know?"

"He was the one that brought me in." God, what would his scandalous mind make of that? "Listen, Dad, I've got to go. The nurse is here, and she needs to check on me."

We quickly said our goodbyes, and I passed the phone back to Edward. It was true, the nurse was here, but she had hardly even glanced my way yet.

The nurse moved quickly around the room, checking my IV bag and all of the baby's and my vitals. Despite Edward's scowl and pissy attitude toward her for not getting me breakfast sooner, she continued to all but ignore me as she shamelessly flirted with him. Hello, pregnant woman here who shared a bed with him all night long. Does she have no shame?

"Slut," I muttered under my breath as she left the room. Edward was smiling at me, his eyes dancing.

"What was that, Miss Swan? Would you care sharing your thoughts with the rest of the class?" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, come on, Edward. She was being highly unprofessional. She saunters into her patient's room, a very pregnant patient, mind you, and can't stop eye fucking you long enough to even ask how I'm doing?" He sat back on the bed beside me, leaning into the now upright back.

"She was eye fucking me? Really? I think I had better call her back here." He wrapped his arm back around my shoulders, pulling me into a now familiar position.

"Oh, please. She'll be lucky if I don't report her for misconduct." He chuckled in my ear, somehow finding this amusing. I most certainly did not.

"She should be reported. It's almost eleven, and you still haven't had breakfast. Now that is a legitimate complaint. I don't know how they are going to look upon a complaint of being a 'slut for eye-fuckery'." How the bastard could be teasing me while his fingers were sensually rubbing my belly was beyond me.

"Shut it, Cullen."

"You're jealous!" His eyes sparkled with mischief, his smile spreading further across his face as he watched my blush fill mine.

"I am not! I'm just highly disgusted that a fellow professional would behave in such a way. She's part of the reason women are looked down upon as objects." He was slowly pulling my hospital gown up, easing it out from under the blanket pooled on my legs.

"You're jealous, Swan. You couldn't lie to save your life." I huffed in exasperation. "So, you told your dad about me?"

"You caught that, did you?" He pushed the soft material over the slope of my stomach, resting it below my breasts. I tugged a bit at the blanket, thankful my belly was large enough to cover my unmentionable parts.

"I catch everything. So should I sleep with one eye open and the doors locked?"

"I don't think the door has a lock on it." He sniggered quietly as he readjusted himself on the bed, contorting his body until he was resting his head upon my distended belly.

"Good answer, Swan." He was sweeping his stubbled cheek along my belly, rubbing his nose intimately on my stretched skin.

"You said you wouldn't leave my side." I wrapped my arms loosely over his shoulders, holding him to me.

"And I meant it."

"Good answer, Cullen."

"I suppose I should make those other calls."

I began running my fingers through his silky hair.

"Not yet. Wait until lunch time, at least. I don't want to disturb them at work. And I think I should be the one to call Jake."

He tilted his head so that his troubled eyes met mine. "Why?"

"I just think he'll take it better if he hears it from me."

"You let me tell your father, but you won't let me tell him? Who is he, Bella?" His voice was incredulous and slightly irritated.

"He's an old friend."

"Just an old friend?"

"Just an old friend. We grew up together; he's always been my best friend."

"He doesn't act like an old friend." I continued to run my fingers through his hair, not able to take my eyes off of his beautiful face resting on my belly.

"That's why I think I should tell him. I mean a lot to Jake, and I know how to handle him."

"You mean you won't hurt his feelings." There was a harsh edginess that I couldn't miss in his tone, but I wouldn't lie to him.

"No, I won't. Not if I can help it."

"That man is in love with you." Anger was laced in his soft words.

"I know."

"Just remember whose baby this is."

"I've never forgotten."

Despite his heated words, I felt like we were experiencing a huge step forward. So of course Nurse Perky chose that moment to strut back into the room, carrying a tray of food. Edward glared at her, but I think he would have shot anybody who came in at that point the same look. I certainly didn't mind the way her shoulders deflated when she took in his scowl and head resting on my bare belly.

Edward disentangled his body from mine while I self-consciously pulled the soft, threadbare gown back down. A gentle laugh escaped his lips at my gesture before he pulled the blanket up around me more and pushed the sliding table-tray across my bed so I could eat. The eggs were rubbery and cold, the bacon was burnt to a crisp, and the toast was soggy. I could hardly stomach a bite, but the hard look Edward was giving me let me know I didn't have a choice. I saw the moment he took pity on me when he caressed my cheek and his face softened.

"I'll see if Esme can bring you something more appetizing for lunch."

"What can Esme get for you?"

I shifted my eyes from Edward's to the body moving quickly toward me. Esme smelled like crisp fall air and sunshine, looking her bright-eyed, usual glorious self. She was carrying a paper bag and vase of flowers, which Edward quickly jumped to take from her.

"My Bella, how are you doing, dear?"

"I'm doing well, Esme. I just have to lie around for a while."

"Mom," Edward greeted his mother, taking her in for a tight hug.

"Edward, you look tired." Esme couldn't mask her concern for her son.

"I'm good, Mom. Don't worry about me. Bella here was just having a difficult time choking down the hospital food. I told her maybe you could pick something up for her? Not for a while, of course. She is going to finish her plate." I glared at him, pulling laughs from each of them.

"Of course, dear. Bella, I'm so glad to hear your doing well. Edward didn't have very many details when he called me this morning." Her eyes were dancing between Edward and me, sparkling as she took in his moving the tray out of the way so he could sit in his spot on the bed. "But I see he's taking good care of you."

I decided to ignore her implications. "I slipped last night, broke my wrist. And the fall caused part of my placenta to tear away from the uterine lining. Dr. Cullen says I'm going to be fine, and the baby's doing well, I just have to take it easy for a while to not cause further complications."

Esme moved to my other side, carefully resting her hip against the bed, facing me. "Oh, honey, that's awful. You better listen to your doctors; I won't have anything happen to that baby. You hear me?"

I smiled at her concern. "The baby's fine, Esme. There's nothing to worry about, so try not to worry yourself."

She smiled an unconvincing smile, her eyes getting glassy. "How can I not?"

Edward cleared his throat. "Well, I have some news that I think might help take your mind off of it." We both turned to look at him. I could see where this was going and quickly turned back to watch Esme's expression as Edward played with my fingers.

"Bella and I knew each other before we started working together, Mom." Her facial expression still hadn't changed, showing a slight curiosity mixed with left over apprehension from hearing about my fall. "We actually met several months ago, and I guess you could say we hit it off pretty well. There was a short fling of sorts, if you will, before we had to get back to our real world lives." Smooth move, Cullen; that was quite a stretch from telling his mother we had hot, wicked sex the night we met, and never saw each other again afterward.

"So, anyway, I was thinking you had better make sure your address book is up to date, because I'm sure you're going to want to send the birth announcements to everyone you've ever met once your grandson is born."

I watched carefully as the emotions crossed over her face. Confusion quickly turned to overwhelming joy and surprise as her mouth dropped open and her face lit up. She reached over my belly to enclose me in a gentle but fierce hug before releasing me and kissing Edward on his temple. She sat back and looked at us looking at each other, neither one of us able to break eye contact or wipe the smiles from our faces.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you've made me a grandma and thought you could get away with not telling me. How dare you hold out on me?" Despite her words, Esme was clearly teasing and not the least bit upset. Besides that, she knew very well that I hadn't told Edward as of just a few weeks ago. "So, what does this mean?"

"What do you mean, what does this mean? It means you better start baby-proofing the house, because in about two months there's going to be a new baby in it."

"I don't mean that, Edward. I mean, what's going on between the two of you?"

_I guess I'd like to hear that myself_. We hadn't actually had the chance to talk about the personal stuff. Or maybe the opportunity had been there, and we just sucked at it. I looked nervously back at Edward, uncertain of what he would say.

"We are just taking things one day at a time, right, Bella? Umm, right now, we're just thinking about the baby, and haven't really had time to sort anything else out."

I looked away from him at his words, biting my lip as I examined the floor.

"Well, you can say what you want, but I know what I see. Bella, welcome to the family! I don't know what's going on between you and my son, but you're having my grandson, so there is no escaping me now." I chuckled nervously at her words, still uncomfortable with the turn in conversation. Esme looked down at her watch and sighed aloud. "I suppose I had better get going. I have a meeting at 2:30 that can't be missed, and I want to run and get you something to eat first. What would you like, dear?"

"Um, how about a turkey club from Johnny's?"

"No problem. Edward, what would you like?"

"I'll take the same. Mom, are you coming back later? After work, I mean."

"Of course, you can't keep me away now that I know."

"Could you do me another favor, then?"

"Sure, anything."

"Run by my place and pack me a bag. I'm still wearing my clothes from last night."

"Absolutely. I'll see you two in a little bit."


	17. Chapter 17

**AN - Here it is, the second part of the hospital stay. I will try to have the next chapter up on Saturday as usual, but I haven't sent it to my beta yet (I'm going to as soon as this is posted:), and I'm not going to rush her. She usually has it back right away, but still, she does an amazing job and I will not push her to get it back. So, look for it on Saturday, but please don't be mad if it's not here.**

**Disclaimer - Twilight is not mine.**

* * *

As soon as Esme left, I saw the error of my ways. I had to pee - quite badly. I thought about asking Edward to help me, remembering my promise to Carlisle, but quickly dismissed it for the sake of my own pride.

"Edward, could you call the nurse for me?"

His startled look and anguish-filled eyes brought the guilt on very quickly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just need some help getting up."

"And you want me to call Nurse Slut for that? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Shut up. And I've been calling her Nurse Perky. Although Nurse Slut certainly has a nice ring to it."

We shared a private laugh, whether it was at my expense or the nurse's, I wasn't sure. I watched as he stood, completely bypassing the nurse-call button, and walked around the bed to my other side.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm helping you." He noticed my hesitancy and laughed once again. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella." I supposed he was right. Once I was up from the bed, I could make it on my own.

He pulled the blanket down my legs before gently wrapping his right arm around my back to shift me forward a bit. With precision, as though we had been doing this for years, I swung my legs off the side of the bed while he pulled me closer to the edge and then helped me to my feet.

"This would have been much faster if you'd just let me carry you." I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him as I very slowly shuffled my way to the bathroom, leaning slightly on the IV cart I was pushing along with me.

"Are you sure you don't need any help in there?" His voice was teasing now, mocking me. I was glad he found this so very amusing. I didn't even dignify that with a response.

It was difficult, but not impossible. I still wasn't wearing any panties, so there was nothing for me to pull down. With my casted hand, I pulled the horrendous hospital gown up and out of the way while using the hand with the IV to brace against the blue-tiled wall while I very cautiously lowered myself to the toilet. Life had a twisted way of reminding me that bathrooms were not so friendly to me, and I didn't want a repeat of the night before.

Once I was finished and ready to get up, however, I could see how I hadn't thought this through. There was nothing for me to grasp onto on my left side. The bar that was intended for just that purpose was on the right side of the toilet, which happened to be the same side as my broken wrist.

Which I wasn't supposed to put any weight or pressure on.

If I was going to try to lift myself off this toilet with fifteen pounds of baby in the way, there would definitely be a lot of pressure and weight being put on that wrist; usually it took both my arms to lift myself. Even worse, I would have to pull myself up, not just push. Shit.

I considered asking Edward to call for the nurse again, but knew he would probably panic that I had started bleeding and just barge in here anyway. Even if I could convince him there was nothing wrong, he'd still insist on coming in.

I swallowed my pride and flushed the toilet, not brave enough for that level of knowledge between the two of us, before calling out to him in my best big girl voice.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" His voice was right at the door. He must have been standing there, waiting for me.

"Could you come in here, please?" I watched the silver knob turn, keeping my eyes at that level as he came in and stood before me. Very tentatively, I raised my head up to meet his curious eyes.

"I can't get up," I choked out, humiliated.

He smiled sweetly down at me before bending to wrap his arms under mine. "Come on, up you go." He waited with the door propped open as I got a squirt of sanitizer for my hands.

Last night must have really wracked my body, because I was shaking quite badly after only a few steps.

"Can't I just carry you, Bella? This is driving me crazy."

"I'm sorry I'm too slow for you," I snapped, tears suddenly flooding my eyes. Damn hormones. Fuck yes, I was blaming this shit on hormones – it just wasn't normal.

He invaded my space, his body flush against mine as he leaned in to whisper directly in my ear. In what I felt was his most soothing voice, he explained himself.

"That's not what I meant. I can't stand seeing you like this; you look too fragile for my liking."

My feet were no longer on the ground as he hoisted me effortlessly into his arms.

"Just let me get you back into bed," he smirked, breaking the tension. It worked as I threw my head back in laughter.

* * *

The short trip to the bathroom, combined with the stress from the morning and my waterworks, wiped me out. Edward had no more than set me down before exhaustion took over, and I fell back asleep. Esme had come and gone with our lunch during my nap, as well as the ever elusive Dr. Manners. Edward had spoken with him and hadn't learned anything more than what we already knew from Dr. Cullen. All was looking good so far. As long as there weren't any complications between now and then, I would be released tomorrow.

Edward had also taken it upon himself to call both Alice and Jake. I couldn't really be upset by this, as I had asked for him to wait until around lunch time. But damn, I wanted to be awake for those conversations, and he knew it. There was no telling what Alice would say when Edward was the one to call. And, judging by the little smirk that graced his face when he mentioned calling her, I was right on the money.

And then there was Jacob. I had told Edward that I had wanted to be the one to talk to him, because I knew Edward calling him would be rubbing salt in an open wound. That, too, was a conversation to which I really wished I had been privy to. Edward however, had been very tight lipped concerning both phone calls, simply implying "it needed to be done". But the whole thing with Jake left me unsettled. Edward said both would be here as soon as they could, after work of course. Until then, I had little to do but fret over those conversations.

"What's wrong?" Edward's faint voice interrupted me from my ruminating.

"Huh?"

"You look worried. You've got this cute little line on your forehead that appears whenever something is upsetting you. So, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I guess. I … I'm just thinking," I trailed off.

He continued looking at me with disbelief in his eyes, knowing I wasn't telling him what was on my mind. I watched curiously as he picked up the forgotten paper bag Esme had brought from her first visit. Walking over to the window sill, he pulled out the small, round radio from my classroom, plugged it in and fiddled with the buttons until the soft sounds of my favorite CD washed over me. It was the CD I had burned full of my favorite relaxing songs, which I both used to calm the class down or myself if the day was more hectic than the norm. Although I had never spoken of it directly, Edward had heard it on at various times and played it for me that day I fainted in class. The smooth tones of a saxophone wafted over me before Harry Connick, Jr. began singing A Nightingale Sang in Barkley Square.

Edward walked back over to my side. "Scootch forward."

I arched my eyebrow at him, confused by the request and not certain where this was going. "Why?"

"Just do it, Swan." He helped me move forward, putting about a foot of space between my back and the raised head of my bed. I watched him nervously over my shoulder as he climbed in behind me.

"What are you doing, Edward?"

"Helping you relax: doctor's orders."

Any protest I may have had fled when I felt his hands on my shoulders. God, that felt good. I leaned forward, giving him more room for his hands to work. I tried my hardest to stifle the moans that wanted to escape, but eventually I was so pliant that I just didn't care anymore. I was putty in this man's glorious hands.

"Lean back." Although my mind barely registered his words, my body obeyed his throaty whisper, melting back into his chest.

What the hell was going on? For that matter, what the hell was I doing? Tanya was still in the picture, as far as I knew.

I couldn't let myself enjoy him too much. But for that matter, he shouldn't be acting as intimately with me as he had been – life threatening situation or not. I couldn't very well pass his actions off as those of a coworker. Friend - maybe? But it seemed like more than that. I wanted it to be more, but not if he was still with Tanya. I would never knowingly be that woman.

Perhaps he was just acting as the father of my baby? That fit. And it really did. Whether a couple or not, I could see how any father would treat the mother of his child the same way Edward treated me. Of course he would want me to be comfortable. Of course he would want to make certain I was relaxed, safe and cared for. Everything he had done was easily explained by the baby. I just needed to remember that. Although I knew it would be hard - I wanted to care more for him so much - I had to keep in mind this was all for the baby. Hard to do, but hopefully not impossible.

I relaxed back into him, shutting my eyes as I got comfortable and let go of my worries. His hands were rubbing tiny figure eights on the sides of my belly. Even though I slept in this morning, and even though I took a three hour nap this afternoon, I was fighting to keep my eyes open. Maybe they had put some sort of drug in my IV? I'd have to remember to ask later; I didn't want anything that might not be safe for the baby.

I swear I was just resting my eyes for a minute, but the next thing I knew it was a little after five and the news was playing from the television up in the corner, muted. I had shifted my weight in my sleep so that I was leaning slightly to the right, and there was a small damp circle on Edward's shirt, right about where my mouth had been.

Edward must have noticed a change in my breathing, or some other sign that I was awake, as his attention shifted from the screen to chuckle at the mortified look on my face. "Practice for the baby, right?" My face burned hotter with the jibe.

"God, Edward. Shut up."

"Don't worry about it. I don't mind a little drool." I buried my face further into his chest, willing this moment to be over. Edward continued to laugh, brushing a kiss across my brow before changing the topic.

"Jacob is here."

My body tensed immediately, my eyes scanning the room quickly to find him. I noticed he tensed as well.

"Where?"

"He stepped out for a minute, but I think he'll be back soon."

Oh God. He had already been in here? I didn't have to ask how well that went. I was sleeping in Edward's arms, my head resting on his chest with a string of drool leaking down onto it. My left arm was resting comfortably on top of his, our fingers intertwined and resting on our child. My other arm rested on his upper thigh while his arm was draped across my chest, just under my breasts. Jake already saw too much, and I needed to get up before he came back.

"Where are you going?" I was trying to sit up, shifting my weight and attempting to push myself up with my left arm on his thigh. Unsuccessfully, I might add. "Bed rest, Bella," he scolded. I had a feeling Edward took pleasure in Jake seeing us like this, about as much pleasure as Jake would have had if the roles were reversed.

"I need to use the restroom." It was just an excuse, but I could always go to the bathroom while pregnant. I knew he would jump to help if I needed to go, effectively getting him out of my bed. My assumptions were right, as he quickly slid out from behind me and lifted me into his arms.

"I can walk, Edward." My words were harsher than necessary, and I immediately regretted it when I saw the pained look cross his face before it quickly disappeared. I knew he was just trying to be helpful, but at the moment I took it as posturing. Once again, I felt like another man was going to piss on me before shoving me in a corner and growling at anyone who dared come near. Namely, Jacob. But was that really fair? Just because I was frustrated with the whole Jake situation, and stressed from the past twenty-four hours - hell, seven months - didn't mean I had to take it out on Edward.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just frustrated. I can't even sit up on my own, for crying out loud!" He set me on my feet, his jaw still tight despite his murmured words of assurance that he understood. He stood in the center of the room, rooted to the spot where he put me down, his eyes following my form as I made my way to the tiny bathroom.

Well, shit. There's one more thing I had to worry about. My fear over Jake's reaction at walking back in and seeing Edward carrying me after what he already saw only fucked things up more. It's not that I cared if Jake was jealous; I already told him that was his issue to deal with, not mine. I just didn't feel like dealing with his pissy attitude and the ensuing argument that was sure to follow. How was I supposed to deal with both of them together if I couldn't even deal with one at a time?

I grabbed a paper towel before wetting it, wanting to splash water on my face, but not knowing how with the IV and cast. Although a poor substitute, the cool cloth felt refreshing against my skin. I quickly used the toilet and called for Edward to help me back up once again. He watched carefully as I walked across the room, keeping his distance until I turned my eyes back to him when I reached the side of the bed. He read my silent plea, and quickly lifted me back into his arms to deposit me in bed.

"I'm gonna get out of here for a bit." He fidgeted with the blankets, keeping his gaze on his busy hands.

My panicked eyes shot to his face.

"Why?" I didn't mean to sound so desperate, but I knew he heard the fear in my voice nonetheless. I really shouldn't be so selfish; he had been here since I was admitted and surely someone must be missing him by now.

His eyes locked onto mine, sad but gentle.

"I'll be back; I'm not going far. I'll probably just wander the halls, head to the cafeteria for a cup of sludge or something. I just thought this would be easier for you if I wasn't here."

I nodded my understanding, dropping my eyes to the blanket so that he wouldn't see the pain that was still there.

"Bella …"

Oh shit, here it comes. I knew he was about to drop a bomb on me by the hesitance I saw in his shifting eyes. Maybe Tanya was meeting him up here for a while. I wonder if he told her yet about me? I wonder how she was taking it? Maybe she was excited to get the chance to play part-time mommy. Great, there's one more thing for me to fret about - that, and the massive dentist bills I was going to have if I continued to grind my teeth the way I had taken to when thinking of her. No one would ever be my baby's mommy except me. I would have to set Edward straight on that, but obviously now wasn't the right time.

"I know you said there was nothing between you two, but your actions don't agree."

Huh, Edward was still here? I thought he said he was leaving. His eyes locked back onto my own, searching for answers to questions I didn't understand. Realization dawned when I finally processed his words and blocked out my seething anger over visions of Tanya cooing to my unborn child.

"No, Edward, there really isn't. I mean, yes, you already know he has a thing for me. But that's just it – he is one of my best friends, and I can't stand to see him hurting. I think he just needs some time to adjust, that's all."

He seemed to buy that, which he should, as it was the truth, and ran his hands through his mop of hair. "Well, I guess I'll get out of here." I nodded numbly, succumbing to feelings of abandonment and insecurity.

"Hey," he said brightly, trying to lift the somber mood in the room as he chucked his fingers under my chin. "Don't think you're getting rid of me that easily." He cupped my cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb against the sensitive skin there. He leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead. "I'll be back before you know it. If I see Jacob, I'll send him in for you."

I nodded silently and watched him leave the room, apparently taking my pride with him as I had the sudden urge to cry, and I couldn't even work myself up to be pissed about it.

It was stupid, wasn't it? He was just giving me space to deal with Jake, which was exactly what I had wanted not five minutes ago but didn't know how to ask for. But, as I sat there alone for the first time since I had been admitted, I felt fear begin to take hold of me. Not only had I created an awkward situation with Edward, leaving me alone had allowed my inner demons to emerge. There was nothing but the sounds of heels clicking in the hallway, nurses discussing patients in quiet, murmured voices and the constant cadence of beeps buzzing in the distance as I wallowed in self-pity and allowed my personal nightmares to consume me.

Rationally, I knew the baby was okay. I knew as long as I followed Dr. Cullen's orders, I would be fine. But still, the "what ifs" were winning the battle with Edward no longer here to fight them back. Plus, I had the added bonus of the newly planted visions of a doting Tanya smothering my baby with her too sweet, fairytale life. What if I was a horrible mother and she did everything right? What if my baby liked her more than me?

If this was what I had to look forward to every time Edward threatened to leave me alone, then I wanted no part of it. I never wanted him away from my side, plain and simple.

"Bella? What's wrong? He said you were okay?" Jake had walked in during my pity party, finding me sobbing into my hands. I looked up at him, and could barely make out his concerned face as he hesitantly sat beside me on the bed.

"I'm fine, Jake. Just a little shaken up, I guess. The baby's fine."

He took me into his arms, letting his heat wash over and comfort me. "Then why are you crying, Bells? What happened?"

"No, really, I'm just being hormonal. The doctor said the baby is perfect and I should be out of here tomorrow. The only reason I'm still here is because they want to observe me, and I think that's just because it's Dr. Cullen's grandbaby."

An awkward silence erupted between us, which I tried to ignore. "So, I guess the whole family knows then?"

"They were bound to find out. I never planned on lying to anyone. It just didn't necessarily come up in conversation." Edward was right – I was such a crappy liar.

Jake snorted in disbelief. "Well, whatever. So, what's going on then?"

I tried to fake ignorance. "What do you mean?" One look at his eyes and I knew he could see through me. "I don't know. Everyone seems to have accepted the baby. My boss is, well… I don't know what she is. But I do know she is extremely happy that the baby is not just another employee's kid."

"And Edward?"

"I think he's happy as well." Hell, I knew he was happy, but I wasn't going to gush about him with Jacob.

We sat in silence for a moment, Jake absorbing my words with not so carefully concealed tension in his face. "So, are you going to be out of here in time to leave in the morning? Or do we have to get started later?" He noticed the grimace that crossed my features. "I don't mind, Bells. If we have to leave a little later, it's no big deal. All I care about is that you save me some of that turkey for leftovers."

"I'm not going."

"What! What do you mean you're not going? You can't do that to Charlie! He paused for a brief second before a look of panic rose in his eyes. "You were lying. You said you were fine. You said this was all just some over-bearing grandfather being over protective."

I was shaking my head vehemently; of course he would assume the worst. "No, no, Jacob. I really am okay. But, I may not be out of here-"

"That's bullshit," he cut me off. "If you are fine, why wouldn't you be out of here? It's Thanksgiving, for Christ's sake!"

"Jacob Black, calm down. In all likelihood, I will be released in the morning."

He sighed audibly, and I could literally see the tension drain from his body. It was almost like watching a man shapeshift or something.

"Great, then we can leave then. I'll bring you home in the morning and help you get packed before we set off. Like I said, even if you don't get out early, we can still leave later. It doesn't matter."

"Jake, I still can't go."

He groaned loudly while swiping a hand over his face in frustration. "What the hell, Bells?"

I knew he would freak out about this, regardless of what I said to assure him I was fine. "I'm on strict bed rest for a while. My doctor said it wouldn't be a good idea for me to travel right now. Like I said - it's just a precaution. But still, I can't risk this."

"You'll be sitting in a car. Hell, I can make a bed for you in the back seat. It'll be fine, Bella. It's not like you'll be running a marathon." He paused for a minute but began again before I could even formulate a response. "Edward is behind this, isn't he? He won't let you go."

"Jake, I'm not going. I can't, and I won't. I'm listening to my doctors, and if you cared about me and my baby at all, you would as well. And leave Edward out of it." I took a deep breath, feeling anger begin to creep up. How dare he! I watched as he disentangled himself from my arms, rising from the bed.

"Where are you going?" I thought for sure he was going to find a doctor to challenge what I had told him, or perhaps question Edward. I was sure that would go over really well.

"I'm calling your father to let him know you won't be coming home." I rolled my eyes at his back. However noble his words appeared, I heard the accusation behind them.

"He already knows. I talked to him this morning, and he wants me to take care of myself and not put my baby at risk unnecessarily." I watched as he continued to pick up the phone and dial. "What the hell, Jake," I threw his words right back at him. Did he not believe me?

"I'm calling Billy then, to let him know I won't be home either."

My hand shot out, pushing down the hang-up button on the old phone that sat on the nightstand beside my bed. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, if you're really on bed rest, shouldn't somebody be here to take care of you? Or was Edward already planning on filling that role, as well?"

"Jake, you are not canceling your weekend for me. I will be fine." His eyes were boring into mine, just as much anger lurking in his as I was sure was reflected in mine. Never once did he drop the phone from its place at his ear, and I knew he was just waiting for me to remove my hand so he could place the call.

"You are not canceling on your father, Jacob Black. And even if you do, you are not staying with me. You know damn well shit with us hasn't been right since the last time we went home, and I'm not ready to put up with your emo ass all weekend long just so you can pat yourself on the back for being my self-appointed knight for a few days." Low blow, but damn it, I was seething with anger now.

"No, I suppose that role has already been filled as well," he snapped with disgust.

"I have already told you to leave him out of this. What I do and who I spend my time with is none of your business. And you know damn well he has nothing to do with the problems between us. You've done enough to create that mess on your own."

Maybe I shouldn't have worried about Edward being here with Jacob; it couldn't have possibly gone any worse than this. Just as Jake was about to lash back, there was a quick series of knocks before Alice fluttered into the room with my overnight bag in her hands.

"Belly!" She didn't appear to notice the thick tension in the room as she fluttered to my side and engulfed me in her deceptively dainty arms. Of course, not much ever got past Alice. She just let us think it did.

We spent the next fifteen minutes or so chatting amicably. Well, Alice and I did. Jake glowered by the window at me while I ignored him, and Alice pretended not to notice anything amiss. I filled her in on all the drama, and she relayed her anxiety over taking Jasper home to meet her parents for the first time.

Even though they had been together for a couple of years, poor Jasper had never been subjected to Alice's family. Her parents were quite strict and old-fashioned, and when Alice accidently answered the phone while still in bed with Jasper about a year and a half ago, things took a turn for the worst on the homefront. They didn't disown her or anything, but the topic was tiptoed around like the proverbial elephant in the room. For Alice and her family, that was saying a lot. I actually found the entire situation quite humorous, but valued my life enough to never let her know that.

"Bells, I think I'm going to take off. I still have a lot of packing to do before leaving. I'll give you a call Sunday?"

"Yeah, I'd like that, Jake." He smiled sadly at me before kissing my cheek briefly and leaving the room.

"Spill it."

I turned back to Alice, recognizing the glint in her eye. It was the same look a dog had when spotting a pork chop just out of reach.

"To what, exactly, are you referring?" Lord knew it could be any number of topics, and I wasn't spilling a thing until I knew for sure what she was referring to. Of course, I was certain she would know everything eventually, anyway.

"Jacob. What's up his ass?"

"He's upset I can't go home tomorrow."

"Damn. I was hoping it was actually something I could be pissed about. I hate to say it, but I actually sympathize with the poor mutt on this one."

"Not you, too? Come on!"

"Well, Belly, I'm sorry. I don't like that I'm going to be half way across the country while you're here alone. I really wish you were able to go home with Jake. At least then I'd know someone was watching out for you. Unless…" she trailed off. It didn't matter - I knew exactly what she was getting at by the twinkle in her eye. She decided to attack from the side rather than a frontal assault. "So, Baby Daddy, huh? Things are going well there, I presume?"

"You can presume and assume all you want, but there isn't anything to tell."

"Uh-huh. I don't believe you."

"All right, I don't know what's going on," I admitted, defeated.

"He called, which means you called him first."

"Not exactly." I hadn't intended on telling her anymore, but she continued to stare impatiently at me. It wasn't that I liked keeping things from Alice. Lord knew the woman would love it if we had the type of relationship where we shared all of our secrets. Honestly, I sometimes did as well. I hadn't had that type of relationship with anyone since my mother died. Still, Alice was the closest friend I had, and it would have been nice to be completely open with her. But the thing about Alice, well, she interpreted everything in her own unique way. If I told her Edward shared a bed with me last night, she would assume we were a couple and not hesitate to treat him as such. I had to carefully choose what I could disclose to her at all times.

"He came over to talk last night and found me. I had fallen, and he brought me in."

"Uh huh. And where is he now? Did he leave you? Is it because of Tanya?"

"No, he's probably in the cafeteria or something. He wanted to give Jake and me some space."

"Why the hell would he do that?" I swear to God, when Alice shrieked, it was high enough that only dogs could understand her.

"Because he knows Jacob doesn't like him, and Edward didn't want to have anything stress me out even more."

"Does he know that the only reason that dog doesn't like him is because he wants to get in your pants? That he hasn't liked any of your boyfriends because they had what he never could?"

"He knows enough about Jake. We already had to have that conversation, which I guess I should have seen it coming since he thought Jacob was the father."

"Are you fucking kidding me? How the hell would he ever get the impression that Jacob Black could possibly be the baby's dad?" Again, dog's level here. I was starting to worry about my own sanity that I could actually understand her.

"I don't know. Little things, I guess. He was with me at Jasper's parents' anniversary dinner. And there was the day Jake caught us, well, you know. I'm sure he just assumed…"

"I suppose we can get past that hurdle if he doesn't think Jacob is a threat. Edward does know he's not a threat, right? I know that bastard likes to put his grubby paws on you whenever he gets the chance."

"Edward knows there is nothing between Jake and me. That is hardly an issue." I hoped I sounded assuring, because I wasn't sure myself if Jake wasn't possibly interfering with any chance I might have had with Edward. Not that it mattered; I almost forgot about Tanya for a whole two minutes. Jake was completely irrelevant compared to Tanya.

"Does he seem excited about the baby?"

"Yes, I think so." A small smile ghosted across my face at his constant concern for the baby. At least I was certain in his devotion to his child. "I think he's really excited about the baby, actually."

"We can build off that."

I was ready for a change of topic before she started asking more intrusive questions. "What's in the bag?"

"When Edward called earlier, he asked if I could stop by your place and pack you a bag. Thank goodness you live in a safe neighborhood, Belly; your door was unlocked and your purse was sitting on the table right next to it!"

"Yeah, well, I don't think Edward was too concerned about locking up when he found me." Shit, there was that glint in her eye again. "So, what did you bring me?"

"Some jammies and clothes for you to wear home tomorrow. I also grabbed your toothbrush."

I almost moaned with appreciation for her. "God, Alice, you are a lifesaver. Do you think you could help me clean up?"

"Of course."

For the next twenty minutes, Alice did her best to make me presentable. If anyone could do it, it would be her. She first helped me to the bathroom and tried to manage my bird's nest of hair while I struggled with a sponge bath. She even helped me shave the forest on my legs, which was always a feat with the large obstacle between me and said legs. After brushing my teeth, I really wanted to put on the pajamas she had brought rather than continue to wear the gown provided by the hospital. However, the IV in my hand made removing or adding clothing impossible. Alice quickly called the nurse to disconnect the IV and helped me with my underwear while we waited.

Five minutes later, I was sitting in the chair beside my bed, feeling like I had spent the day at the spa, when Edward walked in with Esme right behind. Suddenly, trading the shapeless hospital gown for the form-fitting coral night shirt that only reached mid-thigh did not seem like such a good choice. I didn't have time to think about the look of worry that shot across Edward's face as Esme rushed to my side, carrying delicious-smelling paper bags with her.

"How's my favorite girl doing?" Damn my parents for passing on the gene for blushing. Edward and Alice were being suspiciously quiet together in the corner, watching with unbridled humor on both of their faces.

"I'm good, Esme. Thank you."

"And my grandson? How is he this evening?"

"He's doing great." A genuine smile spread across my face as I rubbed my protruding belly.

"Well, dear, I brought you some dinner, since I know how disdainful hospital food can be. I hope you like Italian?" She joined Alice and Edward in their mirth at the look of longing on my face. I was starving. The most I could do to salvage any dignity was to keep my mouth closed so as to not repeat the little drooling debacle from earlier today. "Never mind. I can see that you do. I brought you a Caesar salad, since that is what you always get when we go for lunch. I also brought Edward's favorite, hoping you'd like it too - Mushroom Ravioli."

"God, Esme, I owe you so much. You have no idea." I watched her with eager eyes as she unloaded my salad before handing it over to my eager hands.

"Just keep my grandson healthy, and we'll call it even." I nodded briskly to her while stuffing my face full of lettuce. She moved on to dishing out a portion of the ravioli for me so I wouldn't have to wait when I finished my salad.

Esme fluttered around the room, picking up some of the clutter that had accumulated, while Edward and Alice continued to find humor with me. I decided then and there to never leave the two of them alone; they were both conspirators, and I could see the like-minded gears already spinning. Lord only knew what the two of them would concoct together if given the chance.

Alice began talking more loudly, finally deciding to include me in their private conversation. "I guess she's not going to formally introduce us. Edward, I know we've talked on the phone a couple of times, but it is nice to finally meet you in person. The last time we met you were slightly … indisposed … at the time, so I doubt you remember me." What the hell? Edward fucking Cullen was blushing. Well, surprise, surprise.

The three of them took up conversation, seemingly forgetting I was even in the room. Which I was more than okay with as I was totally absorbed in my food. As soon as the salad was gone, Edward switched my containers of food, handing me the ravioli without ever missing a beat in the conversation I was completely ignoring. I didn't, however, miss when he picked up the other Styrofoam container with his ravioli and proceeded to sit on the arm of my chair. How the hell was I supposed to eat when naked Edward forearms were centimeters from my line of vision, and my arm brushed his hot thigh every time I moved my fork between my mouth and food?

"Well, I have to go, Belly. I'm so happy you're okay and won't be alone for Thanksgiving!"

"Wha…" My mouth dropped open as I stared at the three amused faces before me. My hand froze mid-air with a scoop of ravioli waiting to be shoved into my mouth to replace the piece already there. I realized people probably didn't enjoy seeing my partially chewed food and quickly closed my mouth. All three shared a laugh again while taking in my confused expression. I felt Edward's hands begin running through my hair as he smiled down at me from his perch, clearly amused with my lack of comprehension.

Esme was the first to take pity on me as she filled me in. "Alice was just expressing her concern over leaving you alone for the holiday. We couldn't expect her or your other friends to have to cancel their plans on such short notice, so I told her we would love to have you over." I glared at Alice; damn that meddling pixie. "Of course, we'll have to check with Carlisle to see if that's okay. If not, we'll just bring dinner to you. But I don't want you to worry about a thing, dear, or think you need to be hostess. You let us take care of you for now."

"Yeah, and Edward said he didn't mind staying with you, either. I know how clumsy you are, Bella, and I couldn't bear the thought of going home for the weekend if I thought you would be left alone."

I wondered briefly if Macy's would have any good deals on black maternity dresses on Black Friday, because I could see Alice's funeral in the suddenly very near future. _Who's psychic now, bitch?_

Alice left quickly after that, once she was certain Edward and Esme would not be persuaded to back out of their plans. Carlisle stopped in at the end of his shift for a quick visit, before declaring he needed to get his wife home. Which left Edward and me alone once again.

"You really don't need to stay with me, you know. That's just Alice trying to see what she can scheme up. I'm sure you've got things you need to get back to."

"Nonsense. She actually made my work easier for me. Did you actually think I would let you walk out of here without someone going with you?"

"I'm not an invalid."

"No one ever said you were. But you are supposed to act like one for a while, making an extra set of hands necessary." He saw the resignation in my face and moved on. The worry that I had seen when he returned earlier was back in place. "What are you doing out of bed?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Alice helped me clean up, but obviously she couldn't help me get back in bed. So here I am. Not that I mind, of course. It's nice being out of that bed for a while."

A look of apprehension took over his expression. "I, ah, I thought I remembered everything from that night, but I don't remember meeting Alice. I'm afraid to ask this, but do you know what she's talking about when she said we had met before? I have a feeling she wasn't referring to the Hales' anniversary dinner."

I smiled just a tad too much at him, enjoying the role reversal. It was nice to see Edward so flustered twice in one day. It may be her funeral, but Alice would always have the last laugh.

"It's not surprising you don't remember her. You were sleeping at the time." He continued to stare at me, willing me to go on. "She came to wake me that morning; we were going apartment hunting and had to leave. Um, she got quite an eyeful from the both of us."

"Dare I ask, just how much did she see?"

"Of you, not so much – just your ass. Me - practically the whole shebang. She actually threatened to climb in with us." I couldn't believe I was sharing this with him, and in such a carefree manner.

He closed his eyes and groaned audibly - men. "On that note, I'm going to take a cold shower. Would you like to get back in bed now or when I get out?"

"I can wait."

"Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, I'm good. Go ahead."

"Alright. I'll just be a minute then. Or two." He kissed the top of my head before removing himself from my side and heading toward the small bathroom in my room, grabbing the duffel bag just inside the door.

That was progress, I think.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN- Well, it's Saturday morning once again, you know what time it is. So, here's the first chapter where you will get a little nugget of info as to who Tanya is. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight.**

A brief series of knocks on my door startled me out of a deep sleep. The room was still dark, but the blinds were drawn, and I had splurged for heavy drapes after I rented the place. Yes, that's right, I called them drapes. Curtains were flimsy little things; nothing could get past drapes. I could see bright light trying to edge its way in at the sides, so I knew it wasn't as early as I thought it was.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty. Are you going to join us today?"

Edward walked into my bedroom carrying a tray that smelled like it contained … bacon, maybe sausage? I propped myself up with my elbows, not even attempting to sit up.

"What time is it?" I stifled a yawn, unsuccessfully, I might add.

Edward walked over to the side of my bed I was sleeping on and sat by my hip. Yup, bacon, sausage and eggs.

"Just a few minutes before eleven. I figured if we were going to make it on time, I had better wake you up. I was starting to think you would never get up on your own."

"Shut up." I could see he was trying to hold back laughter, and it was too early for jokes at my expense. "You try carrying an extra twenty pounds around all day long and see if you're not tired." I eyed the food he set in front of me, wrinkling my nose in distaste despite the mouthwatering aroma. "Did you make that?" I asked skeptically.

"Yes, and you are going to eat it."

"Uh, are you sure there isn't some hospital food around here? Maybe they will make a delivery?"

He playfully shoved my thigh still covered by blankets. "I am a wonderful cook, but if you don't want it…" He started to go for the food, but my hands shot out to grip the edges of the tray.

"Alright, I'll eat it. It can't be worse than what Nurse Perky force fed me." He helped me sit up and arranged pillows behind me as I shoveled food into my mouth. The jerk had the nerve to smirk at me as I tried not to moan at just how delicious the breakfast tasted.

"Sweetie, I hate to break this to you, but I sort of bought that for the baby." I followed his pointed gaze, which was directed somewhere to my left. Popping out of the blankets and tucked up to my side was the plush giraffe I grabbed out of the bassinet the other night. I'll admit it – I slept with the thing.

Some might think I should be embarrassed to be a twenty-three year old, professional woman and caught sleeping with a stuffed toy by the hottest guy in the world. But it was hard to be embarrassed about a giraffe when said hot guy's father instructed me just the day before to not engage in sexual activity with his son until further notice. It may not have been so embarrassing if Edward hadn't been in the room with me, or if I had for once been awake when my actual doctor came in and could have heard it from him rather than Edward's father.

Or if the warning was even necessary.

I'd had sex once in the past year, and I was drunk when it happened. As it was, I was quite sure the doctor's first step during delivery would be to clear away the cobwebs.

"He's good company; the giraffe stays."

Edward raised his hands in surrender, pretending to back away. "No offense, ma'am. I wouldn't dream of coming between you and your … bedmate."

"Don't knock it."

We sat in silence for a few moments while he watched me consume my food. It wasn't completely uncomfortable, but it was kind of … awkward. This was the first time Edward had ever been in my bedroom, and it wasn't exactly playing out how I had imagined. Plus, he slept on the couch last night – a big change from the previous two nights when he slept beside me on the tiny hospital bed.

"Do you want to take a bath before we leave?"

"Um, yeah. I guess."

"Well, you're not taking a shower."

"No. No more showers for me."

"I'll go start your water."

I finished eating and waddled my way into the bathroom. One of the greatest things about being home from the hospital: I could use the potty like a big girl and didn't need any help. I was washing my hand while still trying not to get any water on my cast when there was knocking on the bathroom door.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm washing my hands."

"Open the door."

I huffed a sigh of annoyance while drying my hands off on the hand towel. When I unlocked the door, Edward all but shoved his way inside.

"What are you doing, Edward?"

He looked around almost frantically for a second before scratching the back of his head and looking at me sheepishly. "I'm helping you."

"Thanks, but I think I can manage." I didn't mean to be so pissy with him, but his sudden distrust of me being alone in my own bathroom brought back emotions that I would rather not ever face again.

"You're not getting into that tub by yourself." I raised an eyebrow at him. He had no idea what he was stepping into, and frankly, I was not ready to go there. "That's not what I meant. You're not … you can't… Just let me help you get into the damned tub."

"I am capable of getting into the tub by myself, Edward. I have been doing it for twenty-three years now."

"But you might slip again."

"I'm not going to fall."

"How do you know that? You don't know that."

"You can't do this, Edward. You can't think something bad is going to happen the second you leave my side."

"Bella, please, just … humor me. You say yourself you're a natural klutz. And now you won't even be able to use one of your hands. This is a disaster waiting to happen." I sighed, knowing I could not refuse him when his eyes were begging me to do this. He actually looked scared. "I won't look, I promise."

"Fine. Add bubbles to that water and I'll be right back."

I turned and waddled my way back to my room. There was no way I was going to remove my clothes in front of him. It didn't matter if I had slept with him before and he just saw me naked a couple of days ago. My body was no longer my own, and things change when the situation isn't quite so dire. Being naked in front of him didn't seem that horrific when my baby's life was in danger. Just like sharing a bed felt perfectly acceptable when a life or two had been threatened. Now, in the safety of my own home, those forms of intimacies were suddenly too… intimate.

With nothing but my robe on, I walked back into the bathroom where the water was surprisingly frothy with bubbles. Who knew Edward would be so good at drawing bubble baths? I grabbed a hand towel from the cupboard before turning back to the tub.

"Are your eyes shut?"

He huffed a sigh of annoyance. "Bella, don't be ridiculous." When I stood with my arms crossed over my chest, he sighed again and closed his eyes. "Alright, they're closed."

I slipped my robe off and hung it on the towel rack. I took one of Edward's hands and felt his other hand slide up my side before grasping my upper arm. I kept my eyes trained downward, because frankly, stepping back into the scene of the crime was a bit terrifying. My concentration wavered, and I cast a quick glance up to Edward's face as we lowered my bulking frame into the water.

The perv's eyes were open.

He was lucky his face looked just as pensive as mine, or I swear to God I would have punched him.

As soon as I was settled into the water, I covered my chest with the hand towel. Like I said, this body was no longer mine, and I was hardly comfortable parading naked in front of anyone, let alone Edward. If I could have, I would have curled myself into a ball. Baby Cullen prevented that, however; if I wanted to bring my knees to my chest, my legs had to be spread, and that certainly didn't feel or look very lady-like. But that didn't stop me from trying.

Edward sank to his knees beside the tub and slightly behind me. "Do you need any help?"

I watched him over my shoulder, searching his face for any sign of mirth. I couldn't find any. "No, I'm good."

He nodded his head but picked up my loofah anyway, squirting a dollop of body wash onto it before dipping it into the water and swirling it over my back. When he finished with my back, he dropped the loofah in front of me.

"Lean your head back." I did as he asked, but it still wasn't far enough to wet my hair, as was his intention. He hooked one arm around my back and gently guided me back into the water. Next, he grabbed my vanilla shampoo and massaged my scalp while cleansing my hair.

Surprisingly, this didn't feel the teeniest bit sexual, and I was starting to wonder if something was wrong with me. I mean, for crying out loud, I was spread naked in front of the man of my dreams, father of my child, and he had been rubbing his hands on my body and I felt nothing down below. Not even a sizzle. This was a far cry from just a few weeks ago when his forearms alone had me panting like a dog in heat. I'm sure if the opportunity presented itself, I would be more than willing. Not like that was actually going to happen, anyway. Right now, all I could focus on was how soothing the warm water felt, how much my back hurt, how uncomfortable every position I found myself in was and how great his hands felt on my scalp.

Nope, not one iota of sexual need boiling below. Instead, I felt … comforted? Cared for? Dare I say I felt pampered, and I wasn't throwing a tantrum? Well, not too big of one.

"You're going to be a really great dad."

He paused his hands for a moment while he took the chance to look me in the eye. "What makes you think so?"

"Well, you're doing a great job taking care of me, and I've never felt more helpless than what I do right now, so…" I stared at the edge of the tub while he continued to lather my hair, not knowing how to articulate exactly what I wanted to say. "I just know you will, Edward. You've got a very gentle soul."

It was silent for a few moments while he rinsed my hair with the detachable shower head before grabbing the conditioner to repeat the process. Another one of my splurges; a single woman has her needs.

"I hope to be." I almost missed his response, it was barely more than a whisper carried on his exhale.

"Did you want kids?"

"Do you mean in the general sense or are you asking specifically if I want this?" Thank God his words were gentle, so there was no room for misinterpretation.

"I guess in general."

"Someday. I always figured I'd have kids, but I'd never really given it much thought. What about you?"

"Yeah, someday. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't want it at first. I mean, it was just a fleeting thought, and I never would have done anything to end it, but this wasn't what I pictured when I thought of having a family."

"How did you find out?"

"Remember the Hales' anniversary dinner?" I waited until I heard his grunt of confirmation. "That was just about the time that I started getting morning sickness. I was so sick after that night – I thought I had the swine flu or something. Anyway, Alice stayed with me at our old apartment, and she suspected before I did. I'm not sure I ever would have suspected."

I paused for a moment as he rinsed the conditioner from my hair, thinking back on those days right before I found out. I had been so lonely, even with Alice with me.

"She approached me about it after a few days. I really didn't think it was possible so I agreed to take a test just to get her off my back. Well, she pulled a test out of her ass, and five minutes later, my world flipped."

"Were you sorry?"

I looked back at him, my brows furrowed. "That I'm pregnant?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Or that he's mine?"

"No." Why would he ask that? Was he asking because he does regret that he's having a baby with me? "Haven't you ever been given something, and you never knew you wanted it until you got it? Well now that I have him, I can't imagine existing without him. Is that crazy? He's not even born yet, and I'm already talking like he's here."

"No, it's not crazy. You know, I thought Jacob was your boyfriend that night. I thought that was why you wouldn't look at me. That maybe you were embarrassed, or afraid I would say something."

"I couldn't look at you because you were you. I hate going to those things alone. I'm always the third wheel, so I usually bring Jake with. He makes it bearable. I mean, Jake can get along with just about anybody, except you. He's great to have around in social situations because he can talk to a stranger as if they were a long lost friend; he's the total opposite of me." Alright, here goes nothing. "What about you? You weren't alone that night either. Who's Tanya?"

"She's an old friend." I studied his face as he answered, and knew there was more to it than that. He wouldn't look at me.

"Just an old friend?"

"She's an ex. Do you really want to get into this now? We have to leave in less than half an hour if we're going to be on time." Did I really want to get into this? Are you kidding me? I felt like my entire world had been circling this … topic, for far too long now.

"Can we finish talking about this later?"

"Later. But right now, I'm going to go clean up the kitchen while you finish up in here. I'll be back to help you out in a few minutes."

An hour later we were pulling into Dr. Cullen and Esme's home, which was a bit terrifying on more levels than one. Of course I was nervous; Edward failed to inform me until we were almost here that I would be meeting members of his extended family. I had kind of thought it would just be the four of us, as Esme had insinuated we could have Thanksgiving dinner at my place if my doctor forbid me to travel. Surely she hadn't intended for all of her guests to come as well?

The other level of anxiety stemmed from the house itself. Yes, Alice had claimed that Edward reeked of money, but I had never noticed. Okay, maybe his car should have given it away. And his impeccable clothing. And the fact that he spent thousands on our baby last weekend. And his father was a doctor. But whatever; I hadn't expected this … mammoth before me.

From just what little I could see from the long driveway, the house was enormous. It was tucked away in the woods, and its style reflected its surroundings. The house was framed in cedar and was mostly windows. As if its three stories weren't intimidating enough, it sat on the side of a hill … mountain? Anyway, its height was exaggerated by the gargantuan hill it was nestled into, and the hundred or so steps that needed to be climbed just to get to the front door. The first and second floors both had wrap-around porches, and beyond the house I could hear the sound of rushing water. All of this topped with a beautiful mountain landscape rounding off the package. Damn – there was no way in hell Edward didn't score with every girl he ever brought here as a teenager. He grew up in a fucking postcard for the Hallmark channel, or some other equally romantic/cheesy fantasy-shit land.

My attempts to capture flies with my mouth gave Edward just enough time to open my door for me and pull me from the passenger seat. I yelped out in surprise when he lifted me into his arms and began walking toward the steps leading up to the house.

"What the hell are you doing, Edward?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm taking you inside."

"Put me down. Now!"

The fucker had the nerve to roll his eyes at me. "You are not climbing those steps. End of argument."

"No, not end of argument. You are not carrying me up those steps. Put me down."

"I have been going up and down these steps since I could walk, and I can't recall ever falling. What I can recall, however, are the very specific orders from your doctor that you are not to climb steps. I'm not willing to risk our son's life so you can prove how little you need my help."

Damn it. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. Think of something else, Isabella – anything at all.

Well, I had to hand it to him – he did manage the steps with ease. Once we got to the top, he quickly put me down. I started to walk to the door, suddenly not comfortable being alone with him, when he pulled me back by my coat sleeve.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that."

I shrugged, choosing to look out at the mountains rather than his eyes, which were far more dangerous depths to be considering.

"I didn't mean to imply that you would risk our son's life. It's just that…Damn it, Bella, I know this is hard for you. But-" I abruptly cut him off.

"You're right, this is hard for me. And whether you meant to imply it or not, I have been risking…" I couldn't finish. The tears I had been trying to hold back a minute before broke free, and I turned my head away from his before angrily wiping them away. Edward, of course, noticed immediately and pulled me into his embrace.

I fucking hated hormones. I swear to God, I never used to cry this much – ever. I found myself somewhat envious of my teenaged self, who easily shut the world and her emotions off to cope. But ever since I found myself knocked up, crying seemed to be a part of my daily routine. And most of the time, it had to do with Edward. Coincidentally, both the conception and meeting Edward occurred on the same night, so I wasn't sure what or whom to blame.

"It's not your fault. You just want to be normal, and that's okay. Just let me help you."

"Help? You have to do everything for me. That's hardly helping. I can't even fucking walk up a few steps. Or make my breakfast. Or take a bath on my own. I can't even wash my own fucking hair!" Oh, stop me now. Yes, I could hear myself, and I knew I sounded like a raging lunatic, but apparently my psycho filter was broken.

Bless his heart, Edward didn't make a run for the hills – er, mountains, or even call to see if straightjackets came in maternity sizes or if they would just be placing me directly into the padded cell. Instead, he just rocked me and continued to wipe my tears away as quickly as they came.

"Apparently, you don't see yourself very clearly, still – even after everything else I've told you." His voice was very gentle, soothing. The perfect voice for trying to calm a crazy. "The way I see it, you have to do everything, and I can only try to pick up the slack."

I pulled my head back from his chest to give him a quizzical look. Maybe we could get a discount on straightjackets if we bought them as a pair. You know, a two for one special or some shit.

"You see, you are the one taking care of our baby right now, and the only one who can do it. It's up to you to care for him, and keep him safe, and give him a place to grow. All I can do is try to keep the rest of the world from interfering with your hard work. Sure, it's not an easy job, but I could never manage what you have to do."

Damn the bastard, I was trying to stop crying.

He pulled my head back enough to look in my eyes. With both hands cupping my head, he continued to swipe my tears away with his thumbs.

"You know I would keep you locked away in a plastic bubble if I could, don't you?" His teasing comment was enough to bring a snort of laughter from me, effectively breaking the somber mood I had slipped into. I leaned the top of my head against his chest, still trying to compose myself enough to go inside and face his family head on for the first time.

"You ready to walk into the lion's den?"

"Not helping, Edward." It was his turn to laugh while he stroked his hands up and down my back. I looked back up at him, wiping my face once more to clear away any remnants of tears. "Do I look like I've been crying?"

"You look beautiful." I felt my face flush and looked back to the mountains once again.

"You're trying to deflect my question."

"Did it work?"

"No. I can't go in there looking a mess."

"Don't worry about it. You were hardly crying, and no one will be able to tell you were. And if they do, they won't say anything. Plus, they'll just assume I was being an ass and take it out on me, anyway. So there's nothing for you to worry about."

I nodded slightly, still trying to stall going inside.

"Are you nervous?"

"Understatement of the year."

"You have nothing to be nervous about. My mom adores you, and I think my father likes you better than me, as well. The rest of my family can be cool, but what they think doesn't matter."

"It matters to me, Edward."

"You worry too much. Remember what I said: you take care of junior here, and let me worry about the world." I nodded my head and gave him a tight smile. I was putting on my best brave face I had. I only hoped it would last me the remainder of the day.

"We're not naming him Junior." Edward snickered at my statement. I wiped the last of my tears away as he wrapped his arm around my back and steered me toward the front door once again.

Whatever I had been expecting, Edward's family was not what I thought they would be. His uncle Aro was … amusing, to say the least. I could see his resemblance to Carlisle, but only through their hair style, piercing blue eyes and pale skin. Where Carlisle's hair was gold, Aro's was black as midnight. Carlisle was always reserved and seemed to put a great deal of thought into his words, where as Aro seemed to have less of a filter than I did. The man was eccentric to the extreme. He seemed very … giddy … about everything. I felt like the new puppy by the way he talked to me. Him and Alice would get along quite well.

Aro and his wife, Heidi, seemed to be quite the odd pair. Although, I suspect I would have thought the same about Aro and anyone. Well, any woman, that is. Call me stereotypical, but I really felt that Aro should have been gay, considering how flamboyant he was. He must have been in his early fifties, at least, while Heidi couldn't have been more than thirty-five. Not that I thought there was anything wrong with that much of an age difference, it just seemed to encompass the nature of their relationship.

While Aro was very animated, Heidi seemed to second guess her every move, almost as if she was hesitant, and yet, confidence was not something she seemed to lack. She was a hard one to peg. Actually, she kind of reminded me of Jessica by the way she always seemed to agree with the opinions of those around her, appeared to like to gossip, and waited to hear your opinion before speaking up. The only difference that I could see was that Heidi at least seemed genuine in her sweet demeanor, despite not having working brain cells.

Kate was Esme's sister, and was one more example of how this family was composed of dichotomies. Every natural instinct that Esme pulled out of me, Kate instilled the opposite. She had been overly polite toward me, and had done nothing to make me feel unwelcome, but there was something in her demeanor that made me shy away from her.

The only normal one that I thought I wouldn't mind being left alone with was Kate's husband, Garrett. He seemed like a cool enough guy, completely normal so far. Well, other than the fact that he was married to Kate. But hey, I did only just meet them.

After dinner, I was relegated to the couch at Edward's insistence. I didn't put up much of a fight since our little discussion from earlier was still fresh in my mind. Not that it would have done any good – both Esme and Carlisle were very obvious in their pointed looks that the decision was not open for discussion. I did feel a little lazy, as I had done nothing but lounge on the sofa with the exception of my little venture to the dining room for dinner since I arrived. But hey, that's what bed rest is, right? At least the guys all helped out with cleaning up the kitchen, so I didn't feel like they were completely put out by not having my help.

"Can I get you anything?"

Edward startled me from my daydream musings as he walked into view from behind the couch. Clean up must have been over, as I could hear voices approaching.

"No, I'm good."

"You sure?" I nodded as he took a seat at the end of the couch, picking up my feet and beginning to massage the hell out of them. Esme deserved the best fucking gift ever for Christmas for managing to raise a gentleman in today's society.

"Alright, Edward. Let's go," Aro's svelte voice called from somewhere beyond the couch.

Edward actually looked a little sheepish at Aro's words. I raised my eyebrows at him, asking silently what was wrong. He shook his head slightly in answer before responding back to Aro.

"Sorry, guys. I think we're going to head on out."

"Edward! You can't leave – we can't play with three people." I was still confused as to what was going on, so I just continued to lie there and listen.

"I'm really sorry, but I think Bella's been on her feet too much today. I really should get her home."

"Oh, come on, Edward. Bella's fine. She is resting! You're just afraid you're going to lose all your money to me." Garrett had joined in with Aro in his attempts to convince Edward to stay and participate in whatever it was they were discussing.

Kate walked in and took a seat in the recliner across from the couch. "Go on, Edward. Go downstairs and have your annual poker night with the guys. Bella will be fine with us ladies for the evening."

Edward turned to me with a pained expression on his face. I started to struggle my way into a sitting position, and he was quick to help me up. "Let me take you home." His voice was threaded with unwarranted worry, loud enough for only me to hear.

"Edward, I'm fine. If you want to go play cards with the guys, I'll be okay here. It's not a big deal. I mean, Esme will be here, too."

"But what if you need me?"

I had to smile at his silly behavior. "If I need you, you will be right downstairs, right?" He nodded reluctantly. "But Esme will be here. I'm sure she can help me with anything I might need."

"Are you sure you don't want to head home? It's been a long day." He was right, it had been a long day. When we arrived earlier this afternoon, Esme had hor' dourves set out for us to nibble on as the final preparations for dinner took place. We mostly visited for the first couple of hours, with a bit of football watching thrown in for good measure. While it hadn't been a physically strenuous day, it was emotionally taxing. Plus, I think anyone can agree that when you spend the majority of your time in bed, the least bit of activity would wear you out. But I wasn't going to put a damper on Edward's holiday traditions. It was just a couple minutes past five now, there was no reason we couldn't stay for a few more hours.

"Go. Play. I'll be fine."

He smiled sweetly at me. "Alright. But you send someone to get me if you need anything. You hear me?" I nodded. "If you get tired, let Esme know and we can leave." I nodded again before he placed a kiss on my forehead and threatened Esme to take good care of me before he disappeared out of the room with the other guys.

I stayed in the living room with the other women, and we chatted amicably for well over an hour. I was a bit uncomfortable, but that was to be expected. I had never been at ease in the company of strangers, and Kate and Heidi were an intimidating pair. But mostly the conversation had stayed off of me, for which I was extremely grateful.

"Excuse me, but I have to take this." Esme had received a phone call that took her out of the room – cue the nerves.

"So Bella, how long have you and Edward been together?"

Oh, how to answer that. I didn't really want to lie, but I had no clue as to what the others had told them. Would they be disgraced if I told Kate and Heidi that Edward and I weren't really together? Edward should have prepared me for this.

"Um, well, we work together, but we met last spring." There. That was slightly ambiguous but still truthful. Heidi seemed to accept my words at face value, but Kate eyed me speculatively.

"So where are you from?"

"A small town about four hours away from here - Forks." Yeah, they didn't act like they were impressed with that.

"So, what do your parents do?"

"Well, my father is the police chief, and my mother passed when I was a teenager."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that." Heidi's words were sincere. I thought I could really like her if I could get her away from Kate. That woman scared the bejebuz out of me.

Thankfully, Heidi seemed to feel my discomfort and started in on a story about a friend of hers that had also lost her mother. Okay, maybe she hadn't sensed my discomfort, but she had provided a distraction, and for that I was thankful. I quietly excused myself, claiming to need to use the restroom.

I poked around the rooms on the main floor, hoping I would come across Esme and we could go back in there together. But luck was not with me, and Esme was not to be found. I hated to do it, but it was either this or go back in with Kate, so I hesitantly made my way down the stairs to where I could hear the boisterous sounds of the guys playing an animated game of Texas Hold 'em.

Aro's expression lit up when he saw me descend the steps. "Ah, the darling Bella. Come to join us?" Edward's back had been to me as he sat at the oval poker table with the guys. He turned to me with a worried expression on his face as he took in my appearance.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his eyes finally coming to rest on my own.

"Nothing. Just thought I'd come to see how you were fairing." He held his arm out to me, and I moved to his side. There weren't any seats open, so I didn't protest when he pulled me down onto his lap.

"Needed to escape the mad hen house up there?" Carlisle asked with a knowing twinkle in his eye.

"No, they were great. I just thought I'd see how you guys were doing down here." They all gave me amused looks, Garrett even smirking at my blatant lie.

Thankfully, they dropped the discussion and went back to playing cards. I nestled my head into the crook of Edward's neck, reveling in the opportunity to breathe in his scent. After a while, I couldn't help myself and I started to drift off. I tired to mask a yawn, but of course Edward noticed.

"Why don't I finish up this hand and we'll go. You're tired."

"No. I'm fine."

"Edward, why don't you take Bella up to your old room? She can rest there for a bit," Carlisle offered.

"Do you want to go lie down for a while?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I mumbled. Edward stood abruptly and began carrying me up the stairs.

"Isn't he going a little overboard? He's worse than a bitch without her puppies." Garrett's voice was following us up the stairs.

"Well, I think it's lovely," was Aro's reply. If my eyes were open, I would have rolled them. I could practically visualize his fingers twitching on his teepeed hands. I would seriously freak out if my child inherited any of Aro's eccentricities. Having a little Alice or Aro was a frightening thought.

"He is a bit protective of her, but then she is supposed to be on bed rest. She had a little accident earlier this week. I can't find fault with Edward's treatment -" I missed anything else Carlisle may have added as his voice faded the farther away we went.

We made it up to his old room without running into any of the women. I had hoped Edward's old room would give clues as to the type of boy he used to be, but either Esme had redecorated it into a guest room, or Edward was a very boring teenaged boy. The room was sparsely decorated, with nothing but a dresser and bed, and done in creams and blues.

He settled me onto the bed, pulling the covers up tight around my neck.

"Sleep. I'll only be a couple more hours, and then we can go."

"Take your time. I don't mind."

"I know you don't, but I don't really want to be here anyway. It's kind of obligatory." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, looking off to the side. "There's a restroom right across the hall if you need one. Do you have your cell on you?" I nodded my head. "Good. Call me if you need anything else." I nodded again. He leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. I think that must have been his spot, he certainly liked to kiss it a lot. "Sleep tight. I'll be up for you in a bit." With that, he stood and left the room, leaving me in the dark.

Surprisingly, now that I was in a bed, sleep eluded me. Perhaps I had gotten the rest I needed downstairs in Edward's arms. Or perhaps that was the only place I could rest. Lord knew I was having trouble finding a comfortable position in spite of the plush mattress. I was just too keyed up to attempt sleep now.

The door was cracked open, and every slight noise from down stairs filtered up to me. I froze in my spot when I heard footsteps descending down the hall toward me. Edward wouldn't be coming back already, would he?

The footsteps continued past my door, and I let out a sigh of relief. A few minutes later another set approached and Heidi's voice rang out from the hall. "Good, I caught you. I wanted to show you what I planned to get Esme for Christmas." Her voice dissipated as she passed the door and continued down to wherever the other person disappeared to moments before.

A minute later, both sets of footsteps made their way back down the hall, moving very sluggishly as their owners carried on their conversation.

"So how does Esme really feel about her?" came Heidi's inquiry.

"I don't really know, but I do think she's hiding something. I talked to her before everyone arrived, and she said she was happy; you know, she wants Edward to settle down and give her grandchildren. And she claims this Bella is a sweet girl."

The way Kate said my name had me cringing beneath the blankets. I knew she didn't like me.

"Something was bothering Esme, but I couldn't get her to tell me what it was."

"Yeah, I mean, don't you find it suspicious that we've never even heard of her until today? And she's like, due in two months! You're right, something is wrong there."

"Esme and I talk, a lot, and she has never mentioned this woman before. I don't think the baby is his."

"What? Why would they say it was? Esme and Carlisle wouldn't lie to us like that, Kate."

"I don't think they're the ones doing the lying. Did you hear her answer when I asked how long she and Edward have been together? She wouldn't give a straight answer. I think this Bella is nothing more than a gold-digging liar, who recognizes vulnerable prey when she sees it."

"But he seems so happy."

"Edward? That boy is just being led around by his dick, like any boy his age. He doesn't understand what he's getting himself into."

"Poor Tanya. She was so happy when we saw them at the Fourth of July party."

Whatever else they may have said was lost to me as they continued on beyond my hearing range.

I let the sobs come unabated, doing my best to muffle them with the pillows. It didn't really bother me what Kate thought – I would do my best to avoid confrontations with her, and always be sweet and upfront. But she was Esme's sister. It seemed like they were close, and wouldn't her own sister know when something was wrong?

Was she right? Was Esme suspicious of me? Did Esme and Carlisle suspect I was a gold-digger? I hoped not, but I knew my silence would lead them to more questions and reservations than contentment.

And fuck, Edward's extended family even knew Tanya? I knew Edward wasn't lying to me when he said she was an ex, but for how long? And just how serious were they? It sure sounded like Heidi was enamored with her. Enamored enough to feel sorry for her now that another woman had wormed her way into the life she was supposed to have.

I knew this would happen. I knew I would ruin his life. I should have moved back to Forks when Charlie offered, and then none of this would have happened. Edward would still be happy with Tanya, perhaps they would even be engaged by now, and Esme would have a grandchild the way she was meant to.

My crying never slowed, but eventually it wore me out and drug me into a deep sleep.

**Tadaaaaa - mystery solved, hehehe. Now you all know who Tanya is. I know, I know, I really didn't tell you, or I should say Edward didn't really tell you anything you probably didn't already know. Damn, sweet little fucker. And now, you probably have even more questions, or at the very least, your height of frustration has reached new levels. Awesome. Love me**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN – Here's the next one, enjoy. I think some of you have been waiting for this one for a while *smirks*. I suppose this means my reviews are going to go down now that the Tanya secret is out of the bag *pouts*.**

**DD: while doing a last little run through, I found that I do believe our dear Bella enjoys fingerporn as well. Who knew? For that, and your total fuckawesomeness, this ones for you.**

**Tiff – thanks for calming my emo-ass down - and being the greatest beta ever!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**One more little thing - sorry about the late update. I tried to update yesterday, but either FFN or my computer was major FAIL. FFN kept saying it couldn't upload the chapter. Whatev.**

I was still asleep when I felt my body being lifted into the air.

"Edward?"

"Sleep. I've got you, baby."

"I'm sorry." I nestled my way as close to him as I could while he continued to carry me. Even though we were moving, it wasn't hard for me to fall back to sleep.

The next time I awoke, I was in my own bed, and it was a little after three in the morning. Wide awake, I padded my way into the kitchen in search of a midnight snack. I passed by Edward sleeping on the couch and couldn't help but stop and stare in awe at him. In sleep, his face was so relaxed, almost child-like. I wondered if this was what our boy would look like in a few years. I hoped so.

When I opened the fridge to see what there was, I was surprised to find containers loaded with leftovers from Esme's wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. Bless her heart. I pulled containers out and dished myself up a hearty helping of dinner. I justified the late-night meal in that I hadn't had anything to eat for almost twelve hours. My boy was hungry, and what my boy wanted, he got.

I had finished eating and was cleaning up when I was startled by a throat clearing behind me. "Jesus, Edward! You scared me half to death."

Edward was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, with his hair all askew and looking adorably rumpled in his sleep pants and tee-shirt. "Sorry. What are you doing up?"

"Believe it or not, I couldn't sleep."

He nodded and began shuffling toward me. "Here, let me clean that up. You go back to bed."

"I'm not tired. Besides, I'm finished." I looked over at him standing next to me at the sink with a pouty face. I rinsed the last of my dishes and placed them in the strainer with the others to dry. "What are you doing up? Did I wake you?"

He scratched the hair at the nape of his neck - still fucking adorable. "Yeah, probably. I don't know. I don't know what woke me up, but I'm up now."

I smirked at his response. Sleep depravation definitely affected his thought processes. "I'm sorry. Go back to bed; I'm fine."

"But you're not tired. And I'm sure I won't be able to fall asleep either. Want to watch a movie or something?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "Sure."

He grabbed my hand and led me back to the living room, where he gently pushed me down onto the couch. Mmmm, it was still warm from his body. I pulled his blanket over me and snuggled into the couch. His scent had permeated the blanket that he had used for the past two nights, and I couldn't help but bury my face into it. I may never wash this blanket again – it was divine.

"What do you want to watch?" He had found my book of DVD's and was flipping through them.

"I don't care. Whatever sounds good to you will be fine."

He slid a movie in and grabbed the remote before coming back over to the couch. To say I was tickled pink when he sat down right next to me would have been a slight understatement. I wasted no time at all snuggling into his side as he made himself comfortable on the couch.

"_Knocked Up_? Really?"

"Why not? I thought it was appropriate?"

"Whatever." I really wasn't all that into the movie, and frankly, I didn't like the comparison Edward had drawn. The title may have been appropriate, but I was not a fan of the movie now that I found myself pregnant in a non-traditional sort of way. Maybe I was reading too much into it.

About thirty minutes into the movie, Edward's chest vibrated against my ear as his rough voice broke the silence. "You're not that into the movie, are you?"

"Hmm? No."

"Do you want me to put something else in? Are you tired?"

"No, I'm fine." I hesitated before saying my next words. "Was that what I was like?" I nodded my head toward the screen, indicating Katherine Heigl's character in the film.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it just seems so stupid. Everyone who watches this has to think, 'what the fuck was she thinking?' She seems … desperate? Like she'd sleep with anyone."

"Thanks."

"That's not what I meant." I looked up at his face and could see the twinkle in his eyes. Good, he wasn't offended by what I had said.

"If you're asking if I think people would label you as reckless, maybe even irresponsible, I would have to say no. We used a condom."

"Yeah, but she thought they did, too. Despite that, I still always thought she was being stupid. I mean, it's like she jumped at the first guy to hit on her."

"Well, if that was the case, Newton would be here now instead of me."

I jabbed his side with my elbow. That shit just wasn't funny, and he knew it judging by the smirk he was trying to hide.

"I think the key that is missing here is the chemistry." His tone softened back up from the teasing manner he had just a moment before. "I don't really see the spark between the two of them. But I think we were more than a random hookup, which is all this appeared to be for Ben and Alison."

"No, Edward, we were. I mean, that's exactly what happened. Think about it; if we didn't work together, or if I hadn't gotten pregnant, we wouldn't be where we are today."

He seemed lost in thought for a moment as he stared silently at something completely unseen by me. "Well, maybe." He fidgeted in his spot for a moment, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. "I mean, maybe that's how it would have looked to others. Maybe if someone had watched us that night, they would have seen the same thing. But, that's not what it was to me."

"Then what was it?"

"Are you asking what it meant to me then, or now?"

"Both."

He turned to look away from me, running his hand through his mop of hair. Grabbing the remote control, he flicked off the screen, and the room went dark. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust, but when they did, I could see he was still lost in his thoughts and staring down at the floor between his feet.

"Bella, you have to know that I wouldn't change a thing, now or then. I remember thinking that night that I had never met anyone like you, and I didn't want to see you go. It was incredible. I mean… it felt as though something missing had clicked for me, finally, and it was so easy to just to be. Even though I had no idea what you would say next, or what you were thinking, I felt as if I had known you all my life. Do you know what I mean?"

I nodded, because I knew exactly what he meant.

"Are we going to talk now?"

I looked up at him in confusion. I thought we were talking. "We are, aren't we?"

He looked back at me, turning his head to look at me fully. His eyes darted from my own to my lips and back again before he turned back to look at his clasped hands hanging between his legs. "What did you mean earlier - when you said you were sorry?"

I crinkled my brow in confusion. I said I was sorry? "When did I say that?"

"When we were leaving my parents' house. I was carrying you out to the car, and you apologized. What for?"

I let out a long sigh. Oh boy, I guess we really were about to talk. It seemed like such a heavy conversation for 4:30 in the morning. "I overheard a conversation tonight, and I'm not sure what it all meant."

"Why don't you tell me what you heard, and maybe I can help you?"

"Are your parents happy about the baby? I mean, really happy – not just pretending for our sake?"

"You know they are. Bella, where is this coming from? Is this about what you heard?" He sounded exasperated, and who could blame him. I didn't seem to be able to answer a single question straight.

I nodded my head.

"What was it?"

"Nothing really. I just heard Kate and Heidi talking in the hallway outside your bedroom. Kate wasn't so certain that your mom was happy about the baby. Edward, I know she will love him, but this can't be what she wanted."

"No one's life goes exactly as planned, Bella. My parents know this, and they are supportive of my decisions."

"Yes, your decisions. But that doesn't mean they are thrilled, either."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Have you even met my mother? That woman is so smitten with you. How can you doubt that? Never mind, I already know the answer to that – you're Bella. Always over-analyzing everything and never just believing what people say."

He didn't get it, and he never would. How could I take people's word at face value when I had been lied to before by those who loved me the most?

"Do you want a paternity test?" He whipped his eyes back to mine, the same look of confusion that had covered my face moments before now adorned his. "I know you seem to be okay with the baby and everything. But you were really upset just a couple of weeks ago. And I wouldn't be mad if you did. I mean, I can understand why you would want one."

"Bella, have I given you any reason to think that I don't believe you?"

I looked down at my own hands, playing with a loose thread in the blanket. "You were awfully mad at me," I told the blanket, still unable to meet his eyes. "I don't blame you, for being mad or wanting a test. I know I should have told you sooner."

"Yes, you should have told me. But Bella, I'm not mad about the baby. I never was. And I never even considered asking you to take a paternity test."

I thought about his words for a moment, trying to make sense of them. If he hadn't ever been upset about the baby, then what? And how could he not have considered a paternity test, especially when he was so upset with me? I finally brought my eyes up to his. Whereas I was filled with doubt, his gaze was certain.

"That's my son, and I've missed out on so much. I mean, I'm glad I found out before he was born, but still... I would have liked to have gone with you to the doctor's appointments. And I would have liked to have been able to see his ultrasound in person, rather than just hear about it. And I just … hell, Bella, I would have liked to have just been here, with you, experiencing everything with you, rather than hearing about it as an afterthought. I should be a part of this. I want to be a part of this. And it's not fair that I missed out on those things. I deserved a chance."

What kind of monster was I? I had only been thinking of trying to save the life he had with Tanya. It had never crossed my mind that he would want to be here. Well, it had in my fantasies. But I had never thought he would want this with the amount of conviction I heard coming from him now.

He reached up and wiped an errant tear away from my cheek. I hadn't even realized I was crying. He settled back against the couch once again, pulling me back into his side. "I was mad about that, Bella. But I'm not any more, so there's no reason to cry about it." Seriously, the guy just pointed out, point blank, how much I sucked as a human being, and he was telling me there was no reason to be upset over it? "Even though you kept it from me, I know you never meant to hurt me."

"How can you know that, Edward?"

"Because I know you. I know that whatever your reasons, you wouldn't have done it to hurt me, and you wouldn't have done it if you had known it would hurt me. It took me a while to figure that out, though. That was the other thing that really upset me. That was actually the most upsetting, and was the hardest part for me to come to terms with."

"What?"

"Even though I missed out on so much, I didn't miss what really counts. I will still be here for the rest of his life. But when I found out about the baby, I felt like I couldn't trust you anymore. Over the past three months, I've felt like you've become my best friend. And then I find out you've been hiding something from me, something that was mine to know, and suddenly I felt like everything was a lie. Our entire relationship, every conversation we had ever had, everything I thought we were. I couldn't believe any of it anymore. How could I trust you? How could I trust anyone, you know? I imagine it couldn't have hurt more if we had been married, and I found out you cheated on me."

"I am so sorry, Edward."

"Don't be. I meant what I said before, Bella – I'm not mad anymore. Even though you lied by not telling me, I know you never meant to hurt me. I'm confident in that. I just haven't figured out why, yet. I'm still waiting for an explanation, and I expect to get one."

His tone wasn't angry, but it was honest. And he deserved an honest answer after everything I had put him through.

"Who was Tanya to you, Edward?" I felt him sigh, and fought the urge to tell him never mind. She had everything to do with why I didn't tell him right away.

"Why is she so important to you," he asked me.

"Why is Jacob so important to you?" I shot back at him. "For the same reasons, I'd imagine."

He moved to lie down on the couch and pulled me down next to him to do the same. It was a tight fit, but with both of us on our sides, spooning, we managed. If he was trying to get me comfortable in hopes that I might fall asleep to avoid this conversation, it might work.

"She's my ex-fiancé."

I stiffened at his words, not expecting that at all. Wow, that hurt.

It would have been one thing to hear a woman that I didn't know was his ex-fiancé, you know, from years ago. But the last I had seen him with Tanya was only three months ago. Such a short time.

"What happened?"

"We broke up."

"Obviously." Whoa, was that jealous harpy really me?

"We grew up together. I was actually best friends with her older sister, Victoria, but she died when we were teenagers. It was one of those things that everyone expected to happen one day, with Vicky, I mean. And it would have. Vicky was my first everything. My first crush, girlfriend, love, kiss … everything. But then she left us. And before that, I hated Tanya. I mean, she was just a pain in my ass. She always used to bug us, and tried to tag along, like all annoying little sisters do. But after Vicky died, we grew closer. No one understood what I was going through except Tanya, and she lost her best friend, too. That brought us together."

"She was two years younger than me, and we started dating when I was seventeen and she was fifteen. We stayed together when I went to college, and we planned for her to join me after she graduated from high school."

"Those two years that we were away together were amazing. We finally had the chance to just be ourselves. No one knew us from before, and no one knew about Victoria. We got to learn who we really were, apart and together, for the first time ever."

"It was really hard on her when I graduated and took the job here in Seattle. She wanted to transfer to U-Dub to finish up her degree, but I was adamant she stay. We had gotten pretty serious, and I figured it would do us both good to have that time apart. I mean, we were still pretty young, and I didn't want to rush into anything, which was exactly where we were headed if she had come back."

"So she stayed out in Chicago, and I began teaching. We never went through an official break up, but we had agreed after the first year apart to just let things go until she came back after graduation. It was just too stressful trying to maintain a relationship with that much distance between us. I had my teaching career just starting, which brought a lot of stress with it. And she was finishing up her degree in biology. We were both so busy, and it hurt too much to try to help each other, because we were failing miserably at it."

"So, rather than watch our relationship deconstruct, we decided to put things on hold until she graduated and could move back. She didn't even come home to visit last summer, or even at Christmas. Which was good, I think, because that would have just made things harder. We weren't good for each other separate."

"Did you agree to see other people?"

I felt him shrug his shoulder behind me. "We never really talked about it that in depth. But there was a clear understanding that we were not dating for that year; we had agreed to live our own lives for ourselves, and whatever that might entail. If you're trying to ask if I cheated on her with you, the answer is no. I wouldn't do that to her, or you."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "But she's back now?" I asked.

He sighed again, my hair fluttering against my neck from his exhalation. "She's back. She came back around the first of June. Just a few days before the Hales' anniversary dinner, I think."

"That's why I didn't tell you," I whispered, afraid that if I spoke too loudly, he would hear the pain in my voice.

"What do you mean, that's why you didn't tell me?"

"Well, I didn't even know I was pregnant yet at the dinner. But when I did find out, I didn't know how to tell you. Not that it mattered much, because I didn't know how to find you even if I did know what to say."

"But then when orientation started, and I knew I should tell you, I choked. Every time I thought of it, I kept picturing her face. It was obvious that she was so in love with you – both at the dinner and that day in the park. I didn't want to hurt either of you because of a stupid mistake we made. And then as time went on, it became almost impossible. It went from being difficult to tell you because of her, to being impossible to tell you because of me. I knew I had let too much time pass, and it was one of those things where the more time that passed, the harder it was."

"You still should have told me," he whispered, his lips against my ear.

"I know. And I regret it." We lie there in silence for a few moments, both of us thinking about all that we had learned. "So, how is she handling this?"

"Hmm?" Maybe he hadn't been thinking about what I had told him. He sounded like I just woke him up, his voice thick with sleep.

"How is Tanya handling the news of the baby?"

"We broke up."

I flipped over, no easy task on a tiny couch with a broken wrist and seven months pregnant. Edward guided me with a hand on my shoulder and one on my thighs. We readjusted until we were both lying slightly on our backs, slightly on our sides, creating a V with our bodies. My legs were tucked in between his, and my head was laying on his arm now, rather than the pillow. There was less than an inch of space separating our faces in this position, our noses caressing against one another with each breath we took.

I knew this would happen. I knew I would ruin his relationship once he found out about the baby.

"Because of the baby?"

He shrugged the shoulder I wasn't lying on. "No. It wasn't working out." He didn't sound very convincing, especially after all that he had just told me.

"But it sounded like everything was right, that you two were going to be married."

"Exactly." His eyes were shut, and I could tell he was starting to fall asleep. I wasn't ready to just yet.

"Edward, you lost me."

"I was hesitant to start things back up with her when she returned, but I didn't know how to tell her. A lot of time had passed for the both of us and I was confused. I wasn't so sure anymore that our future was something I wanted. She had made it very clear she was ready to pick up where we left off, and I had promised. I didn't just do it because I had promised her. I felt like I owed it to myself to see if I could feel for her what I knew was possible to feel for someone. I had to make sure … that she wasn't the one. While the summer was nice … comfortable … it just wasn't right. But I went along with it because, like I said, it was nice. But then she started talking about our future, and her mom and my mom started their manipulating – talking about wanting to be grandmothers and all that shit. I couldn't do it anymore; I broke up with her."

"When?"

"The week before Labor Day." Hmm, that was also the same week as the open house – when he found out I was pregnant.

"But why did you break up with her? Why didn't you just tell her you weren't ready to get married? I'm sure she didn't mean for you to run out and tie the knot right then."

"Like I said, Bella, it wasn't right. I didn't love her like I should have. I never did. She became something to me because I needed her to be, just like I did for her. She needed me to take care of her after Victoria died. But it would have been unfair to both of us if I had stayed with her forever. After this summer, and the year that we spent apart, I knew she wasn't the one for me"

"She was in love with you."

"She may have been. I can't speak for her. But I wasn't in love with her."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to hold on to the hope I felt swelling inside of me with every word he spoke. But there was still a part of me that thought maybe he was just experiencing cold feet. Maybe he was like every other guy and had commitment issues.

"How do you know for certain?"

He opened his eyes, and I saw the quick flash of exasperation before it fled from his eyes. Maybe I should just shut up and let the poor man sleep. But it was only there for a split second before it was replaced with something far more dangerous. Before I had the chance to question him again, his lips were on mine. It was slow and sweet, unlike any of the other kisses we had shared in May. He sucked my bottom lip between the two of his before releasing it and taking the top one in. He repeated the process with several more kisses - languid, agonizingly slow, precious kisses - never pushing for more. When I finally felt his tongue come out to taste my bottom lip, he pulled back enough to break the kiss. His eyes were still closed, and, if I hadn't known better, he looked to be asleep.

"Because I've never felt that with her. I've never had that with anyone but you. Now go to sleep."

* * *

The next day I awoke in my own bed, alone. I knew I didn't get there on my own, so Edward must have moved me. Either that, or I had imagined our late night encounter - which I was starting to think was entirely possible.

He kissed me.

He kissed me!

I wanted to roll around and bask in the pleasure of the memory – you know, squee like a little fangirl - but unfortunately I couldn't. Instead, doubts had taken hold of my thoughts once again. You see, even though I was almost certain our kiss was not a figment of my imagination, he hadn't attempted a repeat performance, or brought up anything that would verify my memories.

I was currently resting on the couch with my feet propped up on the coffee table, correcting Edward's and my classes' work from earlier this week. He had run to the school this morning to pick up the papers, planning books and to check on the status of our classrooms. Nothing against subs - after all, I was once one myself, but no teacher liked being away from the classroom – there was just no telling what would go wrong. Kids always tried to see what they could get away with when the teacher was out. Although I didn't have to, correcting his papers as well gave me something productive that I was actually allowed to do.

Currently, Edward was helping the delivery guys bring in all the packages he had purchased. If I had thought my apartment looked like a disaster after the shower, that was nothing compared to now. Boxes of varying sizes were stacked everywhere I looked, creating paths for us to move around in. I tried not to think about it as I corrected his history tests.

"Well, that's the last one."

I turned my attention to Edward. He had a slight sheen of sweat dotting his forehead as he placed the last box near the door and closed the door behind him. I smirked and went back to my work. Don't get me wrong; watching him sweat as he carried the boxes in, showcasing his glorious muscles beneath his black t-shirt had been a treat. But I wasn't happy with the state of my living room, and I was going to make damned sure he knew it.

"What's wrong?" He disappeared into the kitchen, and I heard the refrigerator door open.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with all this stuff, Edward?" He came back in with two glasses of apple juice and plopped down next to me.

"I don't know. We'll figure something out."

"Wrong. You are going to figure something out. I'm going to finish correcting these papers."

He smirked at me before guzzling down his entire glass. "Don't worry, I'm on it."

And he was. I watched him from the corner of my eye as he opened box after box and sorted everything into piles. Big items went into the kitchen for the time being, because he said those items he planned on putting together over the weekend. Clothes were also sorted into groups. He brought out what I had received during my shower to add to the heaps of clothes he had bought, sorting them into piles according to size.

Apparently it was my job to sort through the heaps of clothing to decide if there was anything I didn't want. So I did that, and Edward packed the bigger sized clothes back up, with the tags still on.

"What are you going to do with those boxes of clothes?"

"We can store them at my place until he needs them." Well, that makes sense. "Actually, we can probably store everything you don't have room for at my place. I have lots of room." Oh. Okay.

"Okay."

I watched as he began taking all the tags off from the newborn clothes and began sorting them into piles. He added to them the assortment of baby and receiving blankets we had, and began the first of many loads of laundry.

As the day progressed, Edward began to turn the enormity of mess into some semblance of order. One entire wall of my living room was reserved for stacks of labeled boxes, which he promised to start transporting to his own place soon. The bottom of my bathroom closet was now loaded with bath toys, baby wash and shampoo, sponges and a tub. Both my hall and bedroom closets were overflowing with toys. Edward had better find a place for that mahogany dresser soon, which I could actually fit in my bedroom. It would just be cramped – what, with the crib, bassinet, armoire, changing table, rocking chair and ottoman he had also bought. Back to the point – these piles of newborn clothes I continuously folded throughout the afternoon needed a place to call home, hence the need for that dresser. My coffee table and couch could not hold anymore.

On Sunday evening, I was still sitting on the couch working on my lesson plans for the week to come. It's not like I could do too much else anyway. As promised, Edward had put my apartment back in order and was currently sitting beside me, working on his own lesson plans. I was also making notes for my sub for the week, which thankfully was the same woman, and one I trusted with my class. While I was trying to be optimistic, I didn't anticipate my doctor allowing me to return to work Tuesday.

I paused my work to watch Edward for a moment. He was too engrossed in his work to notice my ogling. Tonight he had on his glasses, which were an incredible treat for me. Those glasses, combined with his sweats, Northwestern t-shirt and rumpled hair were doing wonderful things for my poorly neglected libido. Even his fucking fingers were turning me on as he fervently tapped away on his Macbook. I wanted him to kiss me again, damn it.

"Are you going back to work tomorrow?"

He didn't even pause his typing, or look away from the blue screen as he answered me. "You have a doctor's appointment in the morning."

I looked at his white sock-clad feet, crossed at the ankles and resting on my coffee table. The toes of his top foot were sensually, carelessly caressing the toes of his other foot. Ungh.

"That's not an answer." How the hell were sock-covered toes turning me on? And the arch - mmmm.

He stopped his typing and looked over at me. "Of course it is. You have a doctor's appointment. I am taking you. Therefore, I cannot work tomorrow."

Oh. Okay.

"Besides that, you haven't been released from bed rest yet. I can't work until then." I was going to argue, but decided it just wasn't worth it for once.

We went back to our work, and I actually finished a few minutes before him, which just gave me more time to salivate in his presence. After he hit the send key to email his plans to Esme for the morning, he reached his arms high in the air and groaned with the stretch. God, I wanted to lick him.

"Have you thought of a name yet?"

Wha… where did that come from? I shook my head a little, bringing my focus back to the moment and out of the bedroom.

"Um, no, actually. I've, uh, haven't really thought about it too much. I mean, officially. I've run names over in my head, but the few names I have thought of I've discarded almost immediately. Have you?"

I watched as a huge smile graced his lovely face. "No, but maybe we can work on that now. Unless you're tired; you seem kind of out of it tonight."

"No, sorry. I've just been thinking, I guess." Damn it, even if I had been a good enough liar, the burn of my cheeks and the smirk covering Edward's face let me know I hadn't fooled him at all. Sometimes, I really thought the man could read minds. "We should probably discuss names. Only eight weeks to go as of tomorrow, we're running out of time."

"Alright then, what names have you already eliminated?"

"I don't really want any family names. I don't know why, but I've never really liked the name Charlie, so that eliminates my father and grandfather."

"What was your other grandfather's name?"

"Ralph. There is no way I am naming my baby Ralph." Edward chuckled. "What about you? Did you want him to have a family name?"

"Nah. With choices like Edward, Carlisle, Aro, Marcus … I couldn't do that to him. Are there any other names you like?"

"Not really. I mean, there are names that I like, but not enough to name my kid. This would have been so much easier if we were having a girl." He looked at me with an amused face.

"Did you want to have a girl?"

"Would it make me an absolute horrible mother if I said yes?" Edward smiled again but shook his head slightly. "Then yes, I'll admit I wanted a girl. I think it would have been so much easier. For me, at least. I mean, I am one, so I think I would be more prepared to deal with one. And let's face it: girl clothes are so much cuter than the boy clothes out there."

"I don't know. I think our son has quite the stylish wardrobe going on. So, you've already got a name picked out for a girl?"

"Several, actually. It wouldn't be a matter of trying to come up with one; it would be a matter of having to narrow it down."

"What are they?"

"Elizabeth, Darcy, Amelia – do you need more?"

"No, I get it." He still had a smile on his face as he settled himself further into the couch, making himself more comfortable. I put up no argument when he wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me against him. "Darcy? That's not that common of a name. Where did you come up with it?"

I blushed again before I voiced my answer. "Mr. Darcy."

"Ah, I see. The ever-swoon worthy Mr. Darcy - the literary equivalent to Robert Pattinson for women and girls across America." I elbowed him gently in the side. Did all conversations have to include jibes at me? Really? "Actually, all of those names sound … classic? Maybe we could find something to fit with the theme of names his baby sisters will have?"

"Please, just let me get through this pregnancy before I even think about another."

"Why not? I like you pregnant; it's a good look for you. I think I should keep you this way for a while."

Um, yeah, I had nothing to say to that. Rather than embarrass myself by looking at him, I tucked my head into his side to hide the stupid little grin and blush that were plastered to my face. Edward just said he wanted me to have his babies. More babies. That meant sex. With Edward. I couldn't wait.

"How many kids do you want?"

Edward shrugged his shoulder. "I don't know. Like I've said, kids were always a someday for me. I've never given much thought to how many beyond one. But, as an only child, I know I always wished I had a brother or sister. What about you?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, about the only child thing. I didn't like it. I want a girl."

"Me, too. I mean, I want my boy, but I want a girl, too. So, Elizabeth? Another Austen character? Keira Knightly was a great Elizabeth."

"I'm not naming my child Keira."

"Of course not, he's a boy. I would never do that to our son. What about Austen?"

"I like Austen."

"Enough to name our baby boy?"

I thought about it for a few seconds before responding. "Yeah, actually." This surprised me. I've spent months searching for names and found nothing. Edward makes one suggestion, and I think it's perfect. Of course. "You know, I actually spent some time thinking of my favorite authors and trying to take inspiration from them for a name. You know: Dickens, Hemmingway, Hawthorne, Whitman. But I've never really cared for Nathanial or Walter, I'm certainly not going to name my child Ernest, Charles has already been taken out of the running, and there is no way I will ever name my child Dick. It had never occurred to me to look at the female authors as well."

"Well good. I like Austen. It's settled then."

"Well, we still need a middle name."

"I like Ryan."

"Austen Ryan Cullen? Too many en's. But I like Ryan, too."

"Okay, so no names that end in 'en'. That eliminates a lot: Ryan, Jason, Benjamin, Caden, Masen."

"We went with one of my favorite literary figure's names for his first name. What if we use one of your favorite historical figures for his middle name?"

His lips curled in a sweet smile as he looked down on me. "I like that idea."

"So, who are they: Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt?"

"Well, yeah, those are the obvious ones. Then there's the not so obvious: Lee, Grant, King."

"Lee?"

"Yeah, you know, Robert E. Lee."

"Yes, I know who he was, but he was a general for the Confederacy."

"Yes, but that's not what was great about him. Even the leaders from the North respected him. President Lincoln respected him. He was a man of honor. He didn't agree with slavery and he hated the war, but he had to remain loyal to his state, which was how he ended up fighting for the South. And lucky them. If Virginia had been a Northern state, the Civil War probably wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. Lee was highly respected, loyal, trustworthy, honorable … shall I go on?"

"No, I get it. So Lee? Austen Lee Cullen?"

"Or Robert?"

I crinkled my nose. "What did the E. stand for?"

One side of his lips curled up at me before he answered. "Edward."

"Figures." I thought about that for a moment as I listened to the sound of his heart beat beneath me. "Are you opposed to naming him after you?"

"I thought we decided we weren't naming him after family."

"I don't want to name him after anyone in _my_ family. But I wouldn't mind Austen Edward. Would you feel cheated? I mean, because it would be more from your name rather than a historical figure's, and I got mine?" I know it sounded stupid, but I wanted him to have as much say in this as me.

"Trust me, Bella, I got mine." Damn the man to hell and back, he was going to start thinking blushing was my thing. "Bella, you're giving me a son, and considering naming him after me, and you are asking if I feel cheated? I'm the most fortunate man, dead or alive."

"So, Austen Edward Cullen?" I asked, unable to believe our baby might finally have a name.

"Austen Edward Cullen. It's perfect." He looked down at me tucked into his side, a wide smile covering his face to match mine.


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry it's late - real life and all that jazz.**

**Disclaimer: Still ain't mine.**

"Bella Swan?"

I looked up from the parenting magazine I had been flipping through but not really paying much attention to. Edward was already standing and reached out to pull me up. We followed the nurse back through the maze of halls: same routine, different day. Edward had enough sense to stop following when we approached the alcove, although I'm not sure why he bothered. With my little stint in the hospital last week, there wasn't a statistic about me of which Edward wasn't fully aware. Having a father who was a physician paid off for him, because he spent a lot of time scouring my medical files while I grew his child in that little hospital room. He knew my blood pressure, resting heart rate, when my last bowel movement was - nothing was sacred anymore. Still, it was sweet that he would pretend ignorance on my behalf.

After my weight was recorded, we continued on to the exam room. Edward hoisted me onto the chair without missing a beat. The nurse proceeded to check my blood pressure and temperature. Doctor's office visits were beginning to feel too routine, but at this point, I would take routine any day. Just as long as nothing changed in regards to Austen's well being. The only thing different about this one was the lack of the typical long exam table. Instead, it was one of those chairs used for a woman's yearly physical.

The nurse, Rosa, turned from me and pulled out a flimsy gown and one of those paper blankets from a cabinet on the wall. "You're going to need to put this on. Leave nothing on but your socks and bra. The doctor will be in in about ten minutes."

After she had left, Edward helped me into the gown. It really wasn't as embarrassing as it should have been. After staying with me for the past several days, and the couple days in the hospital, there wasn't much he hadn't seen. Like I said, nothing was sacred anymore.

Besides that, it really wasn't that bad. Esme had raised a gentleman, after all.

He helped with my several layers of shirts first. It was winter now, and I was constantly cold. From what I had heard, most pregnant women were extremely hot and froze the rest of the inhabitants of their homes out of the house. Not me. I was still cold - hence the hoodie and four shirts beneath it. When we got down to my sports bra, he slid the gown on and began tying the strings in the back. Although, if I could leave my bra on, I didn't understand why I couldn't leave my shirts on as well.

After the gown was on, Edward pulled my shoes off and helped me off the chair to remove my pants and underwear. I fought tooth and nail to control the blush that spread up my face as he bent to retrieve my pants and underwear, but it was a losing battle.

Obviously I was going to be given a vaginal exam, but no one had ever mentioned this to me. Perhaps it was necessary for …something?

A tall man entered the room, and I was taken aback for a moment. This was not Doctor Ferenti. This man was about the same height as Edward and probably about the same age, as well. He had dirty blonde hair pulled back into a tight pony tail at the base of his neck, and stubble covering his face. His eyes were a startling ice blue that seemed to be sizing me up.

I didn't like him on sight.

I had no idea what it was about him that put me off, but he immediately made me uncomfortable. Edward must have felt the same, or sensed my unease, because he reached down and grasped my hand firmly between both of his, squeezing it tight. I looked up into Edward's face and was startled to see hatred in his eyes.

"Well, hello Miss Swan. My name is Doctor Kimball; I will be your attending physician today."

"Where's Doctor Ferenti?"

"Well, this appointment wasn't planned. He's out of town this week. You were supposed to meet with him next week. Besides, it's always best for our patients to be seen by all of us." His smile made my belly churn and my toes curl.

"Edward, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Panic rose in my throat, and my grip tightened on his hand. He couldn't leave me alone with this man.

"I'm staying, James."

Wait a minute. These two knew each other? 'James' tilted his head to one side and kept a smirk on his face as he regarded Edward's position beside me.

"You will leave. This is my office, and I will not have you tell me how I run it. I don't recall you getting a medical degree."

Edward looked back to me, defeat in his eyes. He squeezed my hand again before leaning in to kiss my temple. "I'll be right outside, okay?"

I nodded my head, not willing to talk for fear I would beg him to stay. It was time for me to be a big girl and act like one for once.

As soon as Edward was gone, Doctor Kimball approached my chair with a sickening smile on his face. Slimy: that was my best description of him if I had to give one.

"You're going to have to remove your gown."

"Why? That's not … right."

"I need to perform a breast examination, and I see you have your gown on backwards."

Like hell I would. I did my best to sit up and maneuvered the gown around my body without taking it off. "The nurse didn't say anything about a breast exam. In fact, I wasn't aware there would be any type of examination."

"What, did you think that just because you are pregnant that breast exams don't still need to be performed?"

How the hell was I supposed to know? I had a funny feeling this man betted on my ignorance.

After I had finished pulling my gown around, he instructed me to lie back and put my feet into the stirrups. I focused my eyes on the door handle across the room as he pulled free all of the ties on my gown.

"I'm going to have to push your bra up since you failed to remove it beforehand."

I didn't mention to him that I was told I could keep it on. Instead, I ground my teeth and continued to stare off into nothing. Anger seemed to be the better choice of emotions to succumb to, so I was mentally abusing the hell out of this man.

His fingers were icy cold as he firmly grabbed my bra and pushed it up toward my neck, letting his hands grate against my breasts as he did. I couldn't help it; I flinched. Although I didn't want to look at him, I couldn't stop my eyes from looking up into his. His lips were pulled back into a sneer as he looked down at me. With a snort of amusement, he turned and grabbed a pair of gloves from the counter and proceeded with the examination.

Thankfully, the rest of the breast examination wasn't too difficult to get through, but it wasn't a pleasurable experience, either. I didn't know if it was my already frazzled nerves, the fact that my regular gynecologist was extremely gentle when she performed examinations, because I was pregnant, or if this man was just rough – but it hurt. He wasn't gentle in any way as he pushed his fingers into my flesh, and at one point I flinched so badly the thin paper blanket resting over my lower half fell between my legs to the floor. Now I was lying there with the gown completely spread open and nothing covering any part of me except my collar bone and shoulders.

"Could you get that, please?"

He smirked at my discomfort. "Why, Bella? It's just the two of us here, and I'm about to go down there anyway. There's no point in covering up what I'm about to see, now is there?"

I wanted to cry but was fighting everything within me to not allow a tear to fall. This man would not see me break. I hated being this vulnerable, and I had a feeling he was using that to his advantage. I mean really, I was as useless as a fucking turtle stuck on its back.

The door opened and Rosa walked right in, stopping in surprise when she took in the scene before her. James turned to glare at her, his prior smirk transforming into an evil, penetrating scowl at the interruption.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" He had removed his gloves and was now gripping my upper thigh too tightly. I used the opportunity while he was distracted to pull my bra down and did my best to close the gown around me.

"I'm sorry, sir, I thought you were done in here."

"Obviously, we're not. Get out!"

No, you can't leave me with him! "Wait! Rosa, is Edward still out there? Can you get him please?" I may have sounded a bit desperate, but let's face it, I was.

James turned his face back to me, pinning me with his menacing glare. "I already said he couldn't be in here while I did my exam."

I stared right back at him, not willing to look away until Edward was in here. Even with the stirrups, I did my best to close my legs together as the blanket was still on the ground, and I was extremely exposed. Not that it helped much. I could have on a full blown snowsuit and would still feel naked in front of this man.

"Bella?" Edward rushed into the room and noticed my discomfort immediately.

"We're not done here. You need to leave, Edward."

"I'm not leaving her again. She wants me here." Edward came over to my side and helped me as I struggled to sit up.

"You will not tell me how to work."

I began shaking my head vigorously, muttering no under my breath. I turned my entire body toward Edward, hanging my feet off the side of the exam chair and clutching his arm in both of mine. "I want to go," I whispererd, barely loud enough for him to hear.

Edward looked back down to me, reading the anguish on my face before slowly nodding. "We're leaving. You need to leave so she can get dressed."

"I'm not through with the examination."

Edward wrapped his arm around my back, bringing me into his body as he rubbed my back. "Yes, you are."

"If she leaves, it will be against medical advice."

Edward snorted. "Are you forgetting who you are talking to, James? Don't try pulling that crap with me; she's not admitted. I should have known better than to leave her with you in the first place."

James held Edward's gaze for a moment, the anger apparent on both their faces. James' nostrils flared a few times before he turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Edward began helping me with my clothes, doing most of the work because my hands were shaking too much.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded my head quickly, not ready to talk about it yet.

"What happened?"

This time I shook it just as vigorously as a tremor went through my body. Nothing had actually happened yet. But I felt in my gut that something would have. I mean yes, he had been a little rough with the breast exam, but not inappropriately so. It was more his demeanor and words that had put me off.

Edward walked me out to his car, never taking his arm from around me. Once he had me seated and buckled in, he quickly climbed in his own side and pulled out his phone. As soon as he was pulled out onto the road, he reached over and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers and resting them on my lap. I sat back and closed my eyes, just breathing deeply and trying to remind myself that nothing had happened.

"Hey, Dad. Do you think you or Doctor Manners could examine Bella?"

Apparently Edward had called his father.

"She did, but it didn't go well. We left."

I listened in on the one-sided conversation, having a pretty good idea what was being said.

"We're just leaving Doctor Ferenti's office, so we'll be up in a few minutes … Okay, thanks, Dad."

Dr. Ferenti's office was a part of a complex of offices on a little side street right next to the hospital, so we were essentially already there. We just had to find a parking spot, which turned out to not be too difficult when Edward pulled out a staff parking permit. That's right – he had used it last week, too. Cheater.

Within minutes we were waiting up in Doctor Cullen's office until one of the attending physicians was able to fit us in. I didn't mind. I mean, I was an unplanned patient that they had to fit into their schedule. Edward was sitting on the couch, which I imagine Doctor Cullen used to catch a few hours of sleep during long shifts. I was curled up on his lap, my head tucked into his neck as he gently rubbed my back and just held me. He hadn't asked any more questions, and for that I was grateful.

Doctor Cullen walked in and hesitated for a moment when he saw us sitting on his couch. He quickly recovered, however, and moved to pull a chair in front of us for himself.

"Was there something wrong with Doctor Ferenti today?" Edward adjusted me so that I was sitting beside him, but he kept his arm around my back.

"Apparently Doctor Ferenti is out of town this week. She saw James."

Carlisle raised his eyebrow at Edward's comment. "And how is James-"

"Dad, don't. Not now."

Doctor Cullen glanced back to me briefly before relaxing his features and nodding his head.

"Alright then, let's see how you're doing." He stood and retrieved the bag he had brought in with him before reclaiming his seat and beginning the examination.

"Your blood pressure is a little high."

"It was fine earlier, when the nurse checked," Edward filled him in.

"Well, we'll check it again in a little bit then to see if it goes down at all." He continued on with his exam, pulling out the stethoscope to listen to the baby's and my heart rates. "How have you been feeling? Any cramping? Spotting?"

"No, I've felt good. There hasn't been any cramping or bleeding since I fell."

"Well, that's really good news. Both heart rates are good. Has the baby been moving a lot?"

"About normal."

"Good, good."

"Dad, is there any reason you would give her a vaginal exam right now?"

Carlisle seemed taken aback by Edward's question, looking between the two of us with uncertainty before answering.

"No. Of course, I'm not her attending physician, so I may not be aware of all the facts. Typically, in a normal pregnancy, there really isn't any need for a vaginal exam. And, especially when there has been bleeding, it is not recommended." He hesitated for a moment as he mulled over his next words. "Did he…"

"No," I stated firmly, finally letting out some of the anger I had held bottled up inside of me earlier.

"But he had planned to," Edward added, just as much venom present in his voice as had been in mine.

Carlisle sat back in his chair, scratching the nape of his neck as he contemplated the information we had just given him. Ah, so Edward's endearing little habit was a family trait. "It's uncommon, but not unheard of. I'm not sure why Bella would be given an exam when today's appointment was a follow up. But, like I said, I don't know what her doctor had planned." He paused again. "On a brighter note, I think you are progressing well. Just to be certain, I would like to take you down for an ultrasound, but as long as that looks good, I'm going to let you ease up on your bed rest. You can do light activities now, but nothing strenuous, and nothing that keeps you on your feet for more than a few minutes at a time. No housework, no cooking, no shopping, nothing like that, as those activities would all keep you on your feet for too long a period of time. But you don't need to stay in bed all day, either." He hesitated again as he looked between the two of us with a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Scratching the nape of his neck again, he pulled in a deep breath before continuing. "I would advise that intercourse be avoided for at least another week, but other forms of sex are okay as long as there isn't any penetration."

At least I wasn't alone in my shame. Edward's head hung just as low as mine, and his skin matched my shade of crimson perfectly. But of course, he was the first to recover.

"We're supposed to start our birthing class tomorrow night. Can she go to that?"

"Yeah, I think that will be okay. But use the elevator – no stairs still."

"What about work?" I asked, eager to get back.

"I think you should stay home for another week." He noticed my downturned face immediately, which shouldn't have been that difficult as I made no attempt to hide it. I wanted to go back to work. My kids needed me there, not sitting on my couch at home. "I'll tell you what. You and Edward come over for dinner Sunday evening, and I'll check you again. As long as nothing has changed, you can go back to work next Monday. I'm sorry, Bella, but that is the best I can do. I know bed rest is hard, but try to remember it's for a good cause."

He was right – it was for a good cause.

"Is that okay? I mean, shouldn't she stay on bed rest for a while longer?"

"Edward, you have to trust that we are thinking of both Bella's and the baby's well being when we make these decisions. Sometimes, a woman suffers from a mild abruption, and we never even know about it until after the delivery. If we thought there was any risk at all, we wouldn't allow her off of bed rest or out of the hospital. But really, from everything we can tell, this was only a mild case. Now, of course we will continue to monitor her, but we see no cause for alarm." Edward didn't seem happy, but at least he nodded in agreement. "Now, let's go downstairs for an ultrasound."

Dr. Cullen led us to an unoccupied room, and thankfully I got to keep all of my clothes on. Edward helped me up once again and grabbed a blanket to drape over my lap for extra warmth. Watching Edward's face as the black and white fuzzy shape of our son came up on the screen was almost enough to take away the pain from earlier.

Almost.

"What's the ultrasound for, Dad? I thought ultrasounds were highly unreliable when it comes to placental abruptions?"

Carlisle calmly answered Edward's inquiry without ever taking his eyes from the screen. "For diagnosis, that's true. But we're already certain that's what happened. Right now we're looking for blood. As long as there isn't any more blood than what we saw from the first scan last Monday, then we can all rest a bit easier at night." Dr. Cullen continued moving the wand around for a few more minutes, until he had found – or not found – what he was looking for.

Both men remained quiet for the remainder of the ultrasound, one focused on his work, the other on his child. Edward's face was a magical sight to behold as he locked his attention to the fuzzy screen. Unintentional or not, at least he got this. That was one thing I hadn't taken away from him.

After the ultrasound and another check of my blood pressure, we went home. I dropped my purse on the desk beside the door, moving sluggishly into the room; it had been a long afternoon. Edward followed behind, also moving rather slowly, but he seemed more on edge rather than tired.

"I'm going to lie down for a little bit."

"Yeah, okay. Umm, what do you want for dinner?"

"Anything. Surprise me."

I made my way into my room and climbed into bed. I thought if I could get a couple hours of sleep in, I might feel marginally better. Usually sleep did that for me.

When I awoke, I didn't necessarily feel better about what had happened, but I felt … indifferent? Almost like it happened to someone else, or perhaps in a dream. At the very least, I felt like I had a better perspective on the whole thing. I mean really, did he do anything wrong? Was I just overreacting? He never once laid a hand on me in a manner that other doctors hadn't. Well, other than to push my bra up. But that certainly wasn't done in a sexual manner, either.

Maybe that was what was so difficult to wrap my mind around. When I thought of these types of things, I felt like the patient was being taken advantage of in a sexual manner. What Doctor Kimball had done today certainly wasn't sexual in any way. He actually seemed quite … angry. Like he wanted to hurt me. That seemed strange to me.

I made my way back out into the living room, and Edward was sitting at the couch, typing on his Macbook. He looked up when he saw me, placed the laptop on the coffee table and held his arm out.

"Hey."

"Hey." I sat beside him on the couch and didn't resist when he pulled me down so that I was resting my head on his lap.

"How are you feeling?" The gentle way he stroked my hair did more for my soul than the nap I just awoke from did.

"I'm good."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about. Nothing happened."

He was staring down at me, waiting for me to break, but there wasn't anything more to say. He heaved a sigh of frustration, ruffling my hair. "Alright, but when you are ready, I'm here."

I nodded just to get him to shut up. I looked at the screen of his laptop for the first time and saw he had his lesson plans open. "What are you working on?"

"Sub plans."

I struggled up from him, moving to the other side of the couch to put some distance between us.

"Why?" He didn't answer; instead he grabbed his laptop and continued working. "I thought we agreed you were going back to work?" I didn't even try to mask my exasperation with him.

"When did we agree to that? I don't remember any such type of agreement. Although his voice was calm, I could tell by the flaring of his nostrils that he was just as upset as I was.

"You said you were taking today off because of my appointment. Well, I don't have any more appointments for the rest of the week, and in case you forgot, my doctor - your father - took me off of bed rest today. You are going back to work."

He seemed to deflate before my eyes as he let out a deep breath. "I don't want to." It wasn't much more than a whisper, but I heard the fear none the less.

"Edward, I will be fine. I won't make anything more than a sandwich for lunch, I won't step foot outside the door, and I promise I won't even take a bath until you get home."

"I still don't like it."

"It's only four days, and even I can't get into any trouble with my list of don'ts. Somebody needs to check on our kids. They've been left alone with Jessica for too long." My teasing worked as I saw the corners of his mouth twitch in amusement. He nodded slightly, and I smiled knowing he was backing off with the overprotectiveness. At least for the moment. Thoughts of an overprotective Edward triggered another memory from earlier today that I had meant to discuss with him.

"Edward, how do you know Doctor Kimball?"

I watched as his face froze, staring blankly at the screen. After several long beats of silence, he closed the laptop and sat it on the coffee table. Without looking at me, he stood to leave the room, heading toward the bathroom. I thought maybe he hadn't heard me, which was absurd, or he was just ignoring me until I heard his flat answer.

"He's Victoria and Tanya's older brother."

Well, fuck.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight are still not mine**

This door was locked, too. Damn it! Every door I checked was locked, and I knew I was running out of time. The faint glow of an exit sign broke through the black, inky darkness of the concrete halls, offering an eerie escape.

"Isa-Bella…" James' mocking voice sang out, taunting me. His sickening, false-sweet tone surrounded me, coming from every direction. He was behind me, he was beside me, he was inside my head. I couldn't escape.

"I've got your baby, Isabella."

"Austen? No!" I looked down at my distended stomach to find it was no longer round, but hauntingly flat and covered with fresh blood. The sounds of a baby crying, my baby, joined in with James' taunting. I was no longer running away, but running toward him.

But how? I couldn't find him. There was nothing behind me and nothing ahead of me. I slammed the exit door open, startled that it actually budged. Inside was a concrete stairwell, lit by fluorescent lighting, giving the entire column an eerie institutional feel. The buzz of electricity filled the air, along with the frightened cries of my baby coming from above and below me.

"Now, Bella, just go back outside. You can leave, you know? There's an exit to the building right down those steps." His voice was consoling, gentle. I searched for any sign of James or Austen, but they still eluded me.

"Give him back to me!" I shouted into the piercing, vacant, nothingness.

James' laughter rang out louder than before as Austen's cries only got further and further away. "But Bella, I'm doing this all for you. You didn't want him, remember? I took him for you."

"NO! Give him back!"

James answered only with another laugh that also began to retreat. I could no longer hear either of them. I took off up the stair well, the buzz of the lights mocking me at every landing and each locked door.

After endless doors on the eternal staircase, I came to a blue door with half the paint chipped off. Steam was billowing from under the frame, causing the handle to slip beneath my shaky grasp the first time I tried it. The second time, it easily opened, and I stepped onto the slippery, bloody, white- tiled floor that I recognized immediately as the bathroom back in Phoenix.

Fear unlike any I had before froze me in my spot as I took in my mother's ethereal glow in the tub. Candlelight flickered across the room, throwing shadows in the otherwise dark room.

"Mom?"

"He's beautiful, Bella." She was lying in the tub, the slimy water sloshing over something pink under the water.

"Mom? What did you do?"

I took a slow step forward, afraid of what I knew was under the water. I could barely make out the small form of a body beneath the murky surface before my terrified eyes turned to my mother's. She smiled up at me, but then I was her in the cold water, smiling back at the girl in the doorway.

The young girl took a hesitant step forward, the color drained from her face as she stared at my cold body.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, extending my ashy grey arm out for her. Her eyes looked black in the candlelight, filled with terror and unspoken nightmares.

"Bella! Bella, wake up!"

I struggled with the hands clawing at me, knowing it was James or my mother trying to pull me under – take me with them. I was kicking and screaming, but they wouldn't stop.

But then a surrender, and I broke free. The hands left my body, allowing me to surface from the murky depths. Crying had become a regular part of my life these past few months, so much so that it had almost seemed like a daily occurrence at times. But these were not the silent tears to which I had almost become accustomed. It was a struggle to breathe, gasping for air between my frightened tears. I was screaming, I was petrified, I was fourteen all over again.

My hands were clutching at anything within reach, trying to take purchase as I struggled to break free from the binds pulling my body down. But then they encompassed warmth – something solid and strong and powerful enough to bring me back.

Edward.

I felt his silky hair between my fingers as I pulled at him, begging him not to let me go. He was warm and strong and real. It took some time, but I finally came to realize I hadn't been struggling with a sinister force trying to pull me under, but the sheets and blankets that had tangled with my legs and Edward himself as he had tried to awaken me from my nightmare.

I let him continue to hold me, rocking us back and forth as his hands stroked my hair and soothed my soul. I clutched at him, still certain they were waiting for me in the dark, waiting for Edward to loosen his hold and offer them the opportunity to take me back. But he didn't let go. He promised they wouldn't get me, that he wouldn't let them take me away.

I tried to believe his words as he continued to whisper in my ear until I finally fell asleep.

When I awoke again, it was to the obnoxious beeping of my alarm clock. Fucking hell, I hated that thing, which I suppose was a good thing as it ensured me getting out of bed. But not today. No, today I wanted to stay right where I was.

In bed.

With Edward.

Edward!?! What the hell was Edward doing in my bed, sleeping wrapped around me? I pulled away just enough to ask him when it all came crashing back to me. I watched him as he rolled to silence the alarm and then turned back to me. He attempted to pull me back to him, but I resisted.

"You have to get up, Edward. You're going to be late."

"I'm not going. I'll call in sick." His voice was deep and scratchy. And incredibly sexy at the moment, but I digress.

"No, you're not; it's too late to call in. Now come on." Hmm, maybe Edward wasn't much of a morning person, either.

"Bella, I'm serious. I'm not going to work today. Now lie back down with me."

"Come on, Edward. We agreed you were going back to work today. Please get up."

He turned his body away from mine, snuggling into the blankets more fully. "That was before last night. I'm not leaving you alone today."

"Get out of my apartment." I wasn't yelling, but the intensity of my voice worked just the same. Edward turned his face back toward me, opened his eyes for the first time, and took note of just how serious I was. "I mean it, Edward. You are not staying here today. I don't care what you do, but you will be out of this apartment within the hour. And you are not welcome back until after four."

He stayed on his belly, searching my eyes for something before heaving a sigh. After another grumble or two, he pushed himself from the bed and escaped into the bathroom. I had thought about making him breakfast for half a beat, but knew that would end in disaster. He would raise a fit that I was cooking, therefore on my feet, and insist on staying home with me to ensure I didn't break any other rules. Well, I didn't feel like dealing with a pissy Edward, so he could make his own damned breakfast.

Forty-five minutes later, I was enjoying French Toast in bed, courtesy of Chef Cullen himself, as he double checked his list of "things Bella may need throughout the day should she remain in bed, which she should even though her doctor said she could get up, but she won't because I won't be here and therefore she can't because I won't let her." Finally, he came over and sat beside me on the bed, unnecessarily pushing my hair behind my ears.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"For the millionth time, I'll be fine."

"I know I agreed to go back to work today, but you scared me last night, Bella." His whispered voice was pleading with me for understanding, which was a good thing considering I was having a hard time reigning in my frustration with him this morning.

"It was just a silly dream. I'm fine." I ignored the shiver that ran through my body at the mention of the dream and dared Edward to question it with my eyes.

"I just think, after what happened yesterday, that maybe-"

"Edward, this has nothing to do with yesterday." My voice was cutting, but I couldn't let him make this into something it wasn't. I could see he was about to argue, so I cut him off again. "I'm serious, Edward. I'm fine. Nothing happened yesterday, and last night I just had a silly pregnancy dream that meant nothing. Quit trying to make something out of nothing."

"I'm just worried about you, Bella."

"Well, stop it. I don't need, or want, your fucking coddling. Now get out of my apartment before you lose your welcome all together."

Edward looked up at the ceiling, probably counting to ten in his head. I could see he was frustrated by the throbbing at his temple and his clenched jaw. Good, serves him right. "Alright, I'm leaving. I'll see you when I get out of work." He stood and leaned over to drop a kiss on my head, holding himself there for an extra beat before turning to leave.

After he left, I pushed the tray of French Toast to the other side of the bed, no longer hungry. With nothing better to do, I lay on my side and stared into nothing, blocking out images from the dream that still wanted to consume me.

What the hell did it mean? It couldn't have been just a crazy pregnancy dream like I told Edward. I hadn't dreamt of my mother like that in almost a decade.

…

…

…

"Bella, are you okay?"

Jesus, Edward scared me half to death. I looked over my shoulder and noticed his eyes were wrought with worry as he made his way to my side.

"I'm fine. What are you still doing here?"

His brow furrowed as he sat down by my hip, reaching forward to place the back of his hand on my forehead. "Bella, it's lunch time. I called you during break, but you never answered. Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Lunch time? How the hell did so much time pass without my knowing? I watched as his eyes suspiciously took in the scene before him, noting how nothing had changed since he had left. Breakfast sat untouched on the tray by my side, and I lay right where he left me, still in pajamas.

"I didn't hear the phone."

I glared at him, daring him to say it.

He backed off, instead lightening his tone as he ignored the obvious. "Do you want some lunch? I brought you a sandwich from the deli." I shook my head no and went back to staring at the wall. "Alright. I'll leave it here for you. Maybe later…" He was getting frustrated again, I could tell, as I watched him run his hands through his hair from the corner of my eye.

After a moment he stood and took my breakfast with him. When he came back in, he dropped my cell phone on the nightstand beside my head. "I have to get back. Do you need me to get you anything else before I go, or on my way home?"

I shook my head no. "Could you open the blinds?" He stood staring down at me before turning and pushing the drapes back, revealing the closed blinds beneath. Rather than opening them, he just pulled them all the way up. There, at least now I would have something to stare at rather than the wall. That looked saner, right?

"I'll see you later." He bent over to kiss my cheek, rubbing his thumb along my jaw before leaving me again.

…

…

…

I felt the bed sink down behind me before his body pressed up against mine. He did his best to snake both arms around me, not an easy task considering I was three times my normal size and wouldn't budge. For a long time, we just lay there in silence.

"Baby, please talk to me."

. . .

"If it has nothing to do with yesterday, then what? Explain it to me, please?"

. . .

"Bella, you're scaring me."

I wasn't trying to scare him. I wasn't really trying to do anything. I felt like I had been in a state of limbo, suspended in time and waiting to be pulled back out.

I turned over, wrapped my arms back around him and buried my face in his warm chest.

"I'm sorry," I murmured against him.

He pressed his lips against my head, not really kissing, just holding them there. "Don't be sorry; there's nothing to apologize for. I'm just worried about you." He was quiet for a few minutes, perhaps waiting for me to say something. "If I make you something light, will you eat?" I nodded against his chest. "Soup?" I nodded again. He sighed, squeezed me one more time, and got up to leave the room, taking my untouched lunch with him.

When he returned, he helped me into a sitting position, and I ate every last drop of the soup. I couldn't really taste any of it, but I didn't want to let him down, either.

"Do you still want to go to the class tonight?"

Class? Shit, I forgot that started tonight. "Umm, yeah. Of course."

"Alright. We should probably get ready then. Do you want me to run you a bath?"

I shivered at the thought. "No, I'm good."

The ride to the hospital was spent in silence. Edward was stewing beside me; I could tell my refusal to talk was pushing him in the wrong direction. The sad thing was I didn't know what to do about it. I've had days before, usually when suffering from PMS, where every word out of my mouth sounded extremely bitchy. And on those occasions I would think to myself, god, that was so mean. Why are you being so mean, Bella? But even though I had been aware, I couldn't stop it. Well, this was the same thing. I felt myself falling away and didn't know how not to. Edward kept asking me to talk to him, but there were no words. He didn't get it; this had nothing to do with James, and maybe everything to do with him at the same time. How was I supposed to explain it to him when I didn't understand it myself?

After asking for directions at the information desk in front, we made our way to the birthing unit for our class. I browsed the many pamphlets along the wall while Edward went to register us for our first night, picking up a few that looked interesting.

"What do you mean there was a mistake?"

I looked over at Edward, who was leaning slightly over the desk and didn't sound too happy. I tried to see the lady's face to gauge more of what was going on, but unfortunately she was completely hidden by the half moon counter.

"All I know is somebody better fix it now!"

I furrowed my brow; this was not like Edward. As I waddled my way over to him, I could see the nurse doing her best to calm him down, which had the same effect as someone spitting to put out a fire. Yeah, not working.

"Look, we signed up for the Bradley class. She wants to take the Bradley class, and there is one going on right now in this hospital. Let … us … in." Uh oh. He wasn't yelling anymore, but his tightly controlled voice and the grip he had on the edge of the counter told me this was not good. I knew if I didn't do something soon, this would end with security being called. As it was, the receptionist was eyeing him warily.

I wrapped one arm around his and my other around the front of him, hoping to rein in his anger. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He turned his glare from the receptionist to me. I watched his face transform as anger melted into despair. "Whoever booked our classes screwed up. They put us in the Lamaze class instead."

That was all? He was on the verge of murdering this poor woman because of a simple screw up? "Edward, it's fine."

His brow crinkled as he adjusted me in his arms. "But you wanted to take the Bradley class. This is just one more thing to stress you out - that you shouldn't have to deal with."

"It's really okay. As long as they show me how to get this kid out of me, it doesn't matter." He backed off from the poor lady, but the tension didn't seem to leave his body for the rest of the night.

Our classes would be less intensive than the Bradley courses, meeting only once a week for four weeks. But they were also on Thursdays, which meant our entire trip down to the hospital was a waste of time. I fiddled with the pamphlets on our way home, hoping Edward would notice my distraction and not attempt to talk about … anything.

"What are those? Anything interesting?"

"Oh, just a few random pamphlets. You know, about immunizations, infant health, that sort of thing. Actually, I wish I had known about this one earlier."

He took his eyes off the road for a moment to look over at the pamphlet in my hands. "What is it?"

"It's for birthing classes. It's kind of like a retreat thing. You go away for the weekend to a Bed and Breakfast, and all weekend long you go to seminars that teach you everything you need to know."

"Just in one weekend?"

"Um, yeah. That's what it says. It says they go through what you would expect a normal Lamaze class to teach, as well as parenting skills and breastfeeding all in one weekend. I don't know, a weekend away, learning everything in that sort of atmosphere - it sounds wonderful."

"Would you rather do that? It would be less time intensive. This is already December, probably the busiest month of the year. And having all these classes every week might be too much for you."

"Well, like I said, it would have been nice, but I highly doubt they even have an opening. The next session is next weekend, and the one after that starts on the eighth of January. It says that you should schedule a few months in advance because classes fill up quickly, and I better not still be pregnant for the February class."

"Well, I'll see what I can do."

"You don't have to, Edward. The other class will be fine. It just … would have been nice to know about this before."

I had another nightmare during the night, this one much worse than the previous. Edward had to wake me again, but this time he was just a few seconds too late. This time, I was in the tub just long enough to enjoy what my mother/I had done. I spent the next hour purging my dinner into the toilet while Edward held me up. I was so tired, he literally sat on the floor in front of the toilet with me on his lap, holding me up because I was too exhausted to do it myself. I didn't miss his look of bewilderment/concern when I angrily yanked the shower curtain closed. No doubt, he was reassessing his previous decision to not call the psychiatric hospital.

Edward slapped the alarm clock off the following morning. Moving back over, he tightened his arms around me and nuzzled his stubbly face into my neck. Unfortunately, I was too emotionally exhausted to even care or react.

"I don't want to leave you today, but I already know you won't let me stay." He was right, I wouldn't. I wasn't sure if he expected me to respond, but I didn't. "Just promise me you'll call if you need anything." I nodded my head, and he left shortly after that without another word.

I laid there for a few hours, wallowing in self-pity and disgust. I didn't want to go through this again. I needed to find a way out before it was too late. I saw how my behavior had been affecting Edward. I knew the little display last night at the hospital was just his way of releasing the pent up stress he'd been holding in because of me. I could tell yesterday that I was starting to fall back down, but I didn't want to take Edward with me. I especially didn't want to go there with a baby about to be born. This was supposed to be a happy time.

When I finally had enough of my self-induced misery, I pulled myself out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. I wasn't sure if Edward would be home for lunch today or not, but figured I'd try to eat a little something before he arrived. I knew my lack of appetite had been worrying him, among everything else about me lately. So I thought if I could tell him I ate something, it might brighten his day. Unfortunately, absolutely nothing sounded appetizing, so I settled for some toast and jam.

When my quasi breakfast/lunch brunch was finished, I picked up my cell phone to make the call I knew needed to be made before I slipped farther away.

"Information, what city please?"

"Port Angeles."

"Business?"

"Doctor Bergman."

After the operator patched me through, I had to wait what seemed like forever for the receptionist to take my call.

"Doctor Bergman's office. How can I help you?"

"This is Bella Swan. I need to make an appointment to see Doctor Bergman."

"Are you a new patient?"

"No, but it's been a few years since I've seen her."

"Okay, just let me look and see what we have available." I sat on hold again for several long minutes. This lady on the line didn't sound like June at all. June was the old receptionist, who was always very sweet and welcoming. This lady had me feeling like I was wasting her time. "It looks like the next time we have available is on the eighteenth, at one o'clock. Should I pencil you in?"

The eighteenth? That was over two weeks away; I could not wait that long. "Look, this is sort of an emergency. Are you sure there isn't something sooner?"

"I'm sorry, but it is the holiday season. We're pretty booked up." I never had these types of problems before. Doctor Bergman could always fit me in to her schedule, even if she had to stay late.

"Could I talk to Doctor Bergman, please?"

"I'm sorry, she's with a patient right now, and that is kind of against policy."

"I know Doctor Bergman would see me. Could you please just give her my number and let her know I called – that I need to see her again?"

"I can leave a note for her, but she's pretty busy. Would you like me to schedule you in for the eighteenth?"

"Yeah, fine. Whatever." I gave the damned receptionist my information and pleaded with her one more time to give my message to Doctor Bergman. I couldn't afford to wait until the eighteenth. I texted Edward and told him if he was coming home for lunch, not to bother picking anything up. As it was, he only had about twenty minutes to spare with having to drive both here and back, so stopping to grab something to eat really cut into our eating time. If he was going to make the effort to drive all the way here, the least I could do was have lunch ready for him. But I also knew he would pitch a fit if I cooked, so I had Antonio's deliver.

Luckily, the hospitality hadn't completely left the office with June, and Doctor Bergman called me back right before Edward arrived home for lunch. She was able to get me in on Friday, but that was the best she could do. I was just hanging up with her as Edward paid the delivery boy, who happened to arrive right behind him.

I went into the kitchen to start pulling out plates and silverware while Edward began laying out our food on the table. While I started dishing up for us, he grabbed a couple of glasses and juice from the fridge.

"So, how has your day been?" Edward took a minute to answer my question because he had just shoved a large spoonful of linguini into his mouth.

"Good, real good. You're looking better." It was a statement, but I heard the inquiry behind his words.

"I'm fine." His jaw tightened with my response, but what more did he want? I wasn't in bed, and I had lunch ready for him when he got home.

We spent several minutes eating in silence. Well, he ate in silence. I mostly shuffled the rigatoni around on my plate, only taking a bite here and there. I still wasn't hungry but didn't think Edward would understand if I told him that, or that I was still full from the toast I had an hour ago. Again, I had to choose my battles carefully – some things weren't worth fighting over.

"Do you think you could take Friday off?"

He looked up from his nearly empty plate, searching my face for clues regarding my odd request.

"Yeah, sure. May I ask why?"

"I have a doctor's appointment."

He took another bite, and so did I - for appearances' sake.

"I wasn't aware you had another doctor's appointment. I thought your next one wasn't until next Wednesday."

"It's not. Um, this is a different one. I just got off the phone with her when you walked in."

"Sure, no problem. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good. It has nothing to do with the baby." He looked at me expectantly, waiting for more.

"What time is it? Maybe I'll only have to take half a day."

"It's at ten. In Port Angeles." His eyebrows rose quickly at my admission. "Edward, if you don't want to take the time off, I understand. I'm sure Alice or Jake wouldn't mind taking me. For that matter, I don't see why I can't drive myself."

"You will not drive yourself anywhere. And of course I will take you. Don't be ridiculous. And you're far more important to me than a day of work." We ate for a few more minutes in silence. "So, what's the appointment for? Why are we going all the way to Port Angeles? Isn't there a doctor in Seattle that you could see?"

I got up and began clearing away our dishes. It was time for Edward to leave if he didn't want to be late, and there wasn't any reason why I couldn't do this much. "It's one of my old doctors that I used to see when I was younger. I'm comfortable with her. She already knows about my past, and I think she's the only one that could help me without having to start all over again."

"Alright, well, that makes sense." He didn't sound like it made sense to him, despite his words. He pushed his chair back from the table and finished off his juice. After putting his dish in the sink, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, and rested his head on my shoulder. "I'll be back as soon as work is done. I'm not staying for the staff meeting, and I'll let my mom know I won't be in on Friday. Okay?"

I nodded my head and leaned back into his arms, feeling safe for the first time since he left this morning. We just stood there for a moment, and I didn't want to move, but I knew he'd be late if we didn't.

"She's my psychiatrist. I had to see her for a while after my mom died."

He didn't say anything in response, just continued to hold me. Finally, he squeezed his arms tighter around me and kissed my cheek.

"I'll be home in a couple of hours."


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: So sorry for the delay. I'm caught up and too ADD to sit down and write sometimes. I promise I'll try to do better. But, as it is already Thursday, I won't be updating this weekend. Next weekend *fingers crossed*.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.**

"Alice?"

"Hey, Belly. I got your message from earlier. What's up?"

I called Alice when Edward left after lunch today because I needed help. He must have been getting cabin fever, and I could understand that. Last night he wanted to take me out for dinner, but I couldn't. Not that I'm a hermit or anything, but I stunk. Edward had hinted around at taking a bath last night, but thankfully he hadn't pressed the issue and I didn't have to answer why bathing wasn't an option. He also hadn't pressured me about going out, taking me for my word when I said I just wanted to spend the night in. Besides, we still had our Lamaze class tonight, so he offered to take me out to dinner then.

"Can you do me a huge favor, Al?"

"What do you need?"

"Is there any chance you might be able to come over?"

"When?"

"Now?"

"Now? Belly, I'm kind of in the middle of my work day? You're not in labor, are you?"

"No! No, it's nothing like that. Um, never mind. It was silly anyway."

I heard her sigh on the other end of the line before she asked me to hold on. "Belly?"

"Yeah?"

"I have another meeting with a client in just a couple of minutes, but I think I can reschedule the rest of my afternoon. I'll be there in two hours. Okay?"

I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding and felt a little bit of stress slip out with it.

"Thanks, Al."

"No problem. I'll be there as soon as I can."

True to her word, Alice showed up just a few minutes after three.

"Okay, sweetie. What's wrong?"

Hmm, how could I explain this to her, let alone ask her for what I needed her to do? Alice knew more about my past than Edward did, but she still wouldn't understand my crazy request.

"Well, you know how whenever you're waiting on me, you threaten that if I don't hurry, you'll take over whatever it is I'm doing to get it done quicker?"

"Yes." Her reply was drawn out as she eyed me wearily. "Belly, what's going on?"

"I need you to do something for me, but it's going to sound crazy. But please don't ask why, Al."

"Okay. Belly, you're starting to scare me."

"Will you take a shower with me?" She didn't say anything, just stood there staring at me as if I had spontaneously grown a third nostril on my face. "It's just that, I can't take a shower right now on my own. I mean, I probably could, but Edward would freak, and frankly, showering alone is a scary thought right now. And please don't ask me why, but I can't take a bath, either. I just … can't. And you're always threatening me that you'll jump in to help if I don't hurry, so I…" I didn't know what else to say; I already sounded like a fool. But if anyone would do this for me, it was Alice.

"Okay, okay. Calm down, honey. Of course I'll do this." She took hold of my arm and led me toward the bathroom. I already had a change of clothes and a plastic bag for my arm set out on the counter. Alice turned on the water, adjusting the temperature until it was just right. After a brief moment of panic on my part, Alice guided me through the showering process. It wasn't that bad if I kept my eyes closed or focused on Alice's face. Looking down was the bad part - seeing the water swirling at my feet. "When was the last time you took a bath?"

"Monday morning." I continued to keep my eyes closed, so I couldn't gauge her reaction to that. Not that it mattered anyway; she was currently rinsing my hair and standing behind me. I was able to wash my body just fine, but Alice helped with the rinsing of my hair.

"What are you going to do?" I knew what she was asking. She couldn't come all the way out here every day to help me with my problems.

"I don't know. I have an appointment tomorrow with Doctor Bergman, but I'm not delusional enough to believe that one session with her is going to make me better."

"This is because of your mom?" I didn't answer her. My non-reply was answer enough. Alice was fully aware that I had spent a few years in therapy after my mom died, and that every tie I had with Doctor Bergman revolved around my mother. "When do you go back to work?"

"Hopefully Monday. I'm supposed to have dinner with Edward's parents on Sunday evening, and his father is going to check me again. As long as nothing has changed, he said I could go back on Monday."

"Well, that's good news. But if not, maybe you could stay with me for a while? It would be nice to have you for a couple weeks, and there's only two weeks left of school for you anyway."

We finished with the shower and she helped me out, being very mindful that I might slip again. "I can't, but I appreciate the offer. Edward and I have a shitload of classes this month. We have Lamaze on Thursdays and a parenting skills class on Sundays. Plus, I have a breastfeeding class on Monday nights." I sighed as I thought about my predicament. "I don't know what I'm going to do, but running isn't the answer." I stood there and tried to ignore the pitying look she was casting my way. "I'm going to dress in my room. Edward should be home any minute. Please don't mention this to him." I grabbed my clothes and slipped out the door. It didn't escape my notice that she hadn't agreed to my request.

When I walked out of my bedroom, I found Edward and Alice whispering near the door with pained expressions on their faces. I knew I should have gotten Alice to promise out loud. "What's going on here?"

They exchanged guilty looks before turning innocently back to me. "Nothing, sweetie. Listen, I have to get out of here – try to beat rush hour traffic in town. You call me tomorrow night. Okay?" She gave me a hug and I agreed before she left.

Edward and I stood uncomfortably for a moment, both regarding each other wearily. I wasn't sure what Alice had told him, or visa versa, but I could probably make a pretty damned fine guess. The more he knew, the more he was going to want to talk about it, and I just couldn't yet. How could I tell him I was having dreams of killing our baby – and that I enjoyed it? He would be disgusted with me.

"So, how was your afternoon?"

"Oh, um … good. How was school?"

"Great. The kids miss you. In fact…" He picked his bag up and pulled out a plastic bag from within. "They made these for you."

I took the bag from him and gave him a questioning look with a partial smile. Inside the bag were dozens of handmade cards and pictures, all with well wishes for the baby and me. There were also three scrapbook pages, one signed by each of the classes with a picture taken of each.

"I thought you might like the scrapbook pages. I saw you got a scrapbook at your shower, so I had some of the students put these together for you. Not that I had to twist their arms or anything; they love you."

I smiled at his words, feeling a tiny bubble of happiness grow for the first time since last weekend.

He took the bag from me and led me over to the couch. I curled up with my feet beneath me and rested my head on his shoulder as he pulled each of the cards out for us to go through. After a while I noticed the time and was shocked that so much had already passed.

"If you still want to go to dinner, we better hurry. Our class starts in less than two hours."

Edward pulled another card out, not seeming startled by the time. "No it's not. We have all night. But if you're hungry, perhaps we should go."

"What do you mean? I thought the Lamaze class started at six-thirty?"

"It does. But our class starts next Friday at seven."

It took a moment for the meaning behind his words to sink in, but when they did, I couldn't contain my excitement.

"You got us in!?"

He nodded to confirm, and his smile matched the one spreading rapidly across my face. I may have squealed like a little girl as I threw my arms around his neck.

"God, I've missed that smile," he whispered in my ear, pulling me tighter to him and squeezing just this side of too tight.

"So they had an opening?" I murmured into his neck, not ready to separate from him.

"Not exactly," he answered. Then I did pull back, just enough to look at his face and so he could see my bewildered expression. "It's what you wanted. There's always a way, Bella." He shrugged a shoulder, as if it were no big deal.

"Did someone drop out or something? Is the lady letting an extra couple in?" I asked, still wondering how he had managed this with only one week's notice.

"No, I tried getting us in the regular way, but apparently there's a waiting list. So even if someone did drop out, we still wouldn't get to go." I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for an elaboration which he seemed hesitant to give. "I may have paid one of the couples to give us their spot, as well as the retreat coordinator."

I was shocked, and that didn't even seem strong enough a description to describe how I was feeling. "Do you do this often?"

He sighed and nudged my head back down onto his shoulder. "It's what you wanted, Bella. And I just figured, with everything that's been going on lately, you deserved this."

I didn't even know how to begin processing his words. On the one hand, I was flattered. But on the other, how was our baby supposed to go to college if Edward was wasting all his money on inconsequential things before he was even born? This whole money not being an issue for Edward was still a little unnerving for me, so I often tried to ignore it.

"So Alice was here?"

I looked at him with suspicion in my eyes. "Yes."

"It's kind of odd that she'd visit so early on a weekday. Shouldn't she have been at work?"

"Cut the crap, Edward. I know the two of you were talking before I came out. If you have something to say, say it."

"But that's the problem. I do say stuff. I say stuff all the time and you brush me off."

"Maybe I'm just not ready."

"Which is exactly why I'm approaching you about it this way." He sighed as I looked away, essentially forcing a barrier up between us. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Bella. I ask you what's wrong, and you spout off some noncommittal response or just blow me off altogether. When I try a different approach, you bitch me out for not being straightforward."

He had a point.

"I just want you to talk to me."

"But what if I'm not ready to talk?"

"That's fine. But is it okay for me to keep trying?"

I thought about this for a moment. I didn't want him to give up, even if I couldn't bring myself to talk to him yet. One day, I was hoping to not have to hide anymore.

"I don't want you to give up on me," I whispered, barely hearing myself speak.

"I'm not, and I won't."

"Okay, I'll try to be less of a bitch when you ask me about certain things if you promise not to get upset if it's something I can't talk about yet."

"I can do that."

I nodded my head against his shoulder in acknowledgement of our metaphorical handshake.

"Go ahead; ask what you were hinting at. I don't know how much I can say. But I'll try."

"That's all I ask." I nodded against him again and looked up to meet his gentle gaze.

"Why was Alice here?"

"I needed her help with something." He raised his eyebrow, silently asking for more. "You know I haven't bathed since Monday morning. I … can't … yet. So, um, I asked Alice if she could help me with a shower."

He regarded me silently for a moment. "So, no baths?"

"No baths."

"But showers are okay?" he asked, honest curiosity in his voice.

"Not okay, but better. The lesser of two evils, I suppose. But, well, I'd be lying if I said I'm ready to shower on my own. I can barely keep my feet under me in ideal circumstances. After last week, I'm a little hesitant."

"So Alice will be coming by everyday?"

I looked away from him, staring at the wood flooring instead so that he wouldn't see the defeat in my eyes.

"Okay, it's okay. We'll figure it out. Alright?"

I nodded again, still not ready to look at him but grateful for his understanding.

The ride from Seattle to Port Angeles was excruciating, for me at least. Although I knew I needed to do this, that didn't mean it would be easy. But I couldn't go back; I didn't want to revisit that part of my life ever again.

Edward noticed my nervous fidgeting almost immediately after we had left. He effectively stopped my drumming fingers by clasping my hand in his and resting our now joined hands on his lap. His thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand had settled my frazzled nerves for a while, but eventually the twitching transferred to my leg. He unclasped our hands and patted my own, leaving it on his thigh. Then he reached over my arm and the console to rub my leg, stopping the bouncing immediately. After a few circuits, he settled his hand close to my knee, squeezing a couple of times for comfort.

"Sit back, Bella. Close your eyes and take a deep breath."

Without thinking, I did as he said, concentrating on the timbre of his voice to calm my weary nerves. After some time, I turned my head toward him and took in his profile. It was easy to forget my thoughts for a while if I could simply stare at him, and with his attention on the road, I had free reign to do so.

When we walked into the doctor's office, it felt as though the last six years had not occurred. It's funny that I hadn't felt this way in years, but one whiff of the lavender and chamomile incense put me back into a place I'd rather not be, as if I had never been able to move on in the first place.

"Why don't you have a seat? I'll go check you in." I nodded my head toward him and watched as he approached the desk. I was right; June must have retired, and in her place was a younger woman with long, straight, sandy brown hair. She was chewing on gum and talking on the phone, but whispered something quickly into the mouthpiece when she noticed Edward coming her way. It was no surprise when the phone was placed back into its base. Yeah, Edward seemed to have that affect on people.

I knew that look. It was the same look every woman fought with when Edward was around. But this woman wasn't even trying to fight it, let alone hide it. In fact, it appeared she was embracing it.

Bitch better back the fuck off.

I caught her giggling at him as I slid my coat from my arms. Apparently Doctor Bergman didn't require her staff to read body language, because if she had, this bimbo would clearly see she was about to die a slow and painful death. Edward, bless his fucking sweet heart, seemed nonplussed by her advances. Well, I wasn't.

As I approached the desk, Bitch reached up to swipe a skanky finger over his arm. Aw, hell no. Edward ignored her and continued filling out paperwork, but I could see his annoyance in his tense jaw and tight-lipped smile. Good. He had better be annoyed. She tugged at the material of his sleeve to get his attention when it became apparent her other efforts were going unnoticed.

"Are you fucking kidding me? What type of skank-whore does this shit? Do you not see me here, pregnant and about to burst apart with his fucking child? Or were you hoping to use that to your advantage? 'Oh, bitch is too fat to fuck, I bet he's lonely.' Please." Bitch had the nerve to slink back into her chair, all offended and playing the role of the victim quite well. Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. The bastard was trying to hide his chuckling from me and doing a shiteous job of it.

"Come on, babe. We can fill these out at our seats." We walked over and took our seats where I had left my coat. Edward began filling the paperwork out once again, pausing intermittently to ask me questions he did not know the answers to. I kept my eye on the horny bitch behind the desk. Maybe I was behaving like a two year old: arms folded, lips pursed and bitchface from hell trained right on Skanky Rotten Twat's head. After Edward had everything filled out, he stood to return the clipboard to the desk. I tugged on his pant leg and motioned for him to pull me up. From there, I took the clipboard from his hands and walked it over to Skank-Whore myself. She still looked contrite and didn't even have the nerve to look me in the eye, which was a good thing or I may have ended up seeing Doctor Bergman as a result of a court order and not of my own volition.

Edward was still smirking when I returned to my seat, but he apparently had enough smarts in him to know when to tease and when to back off. I took my spot back and continued the showdown with Skank-Whore Rotten Twat. I was feeling uneasy about going back for my appointment as it was, and now I had to worry about leaving Edward out here with a horny viper, who I just knew was waiting to strike the second I was out of sight.

And did I have the right to worry? I mean, what were Edward and I? Something had shifted over the past couple of weeks, but it had been subtle. I was not completely blind, I had noticed the changes and advances he'd made, but we had never defined anything. And even if something had been defined, it was unfair of me to worry as he had done nothing wrong. But still…. an hour was a long time. I felt like I was leaving my favorite flavored cupcake unattended at fat camp and hoping it would be left unmolested when I got back.

"Bella."

My attention was brought back to the present when I heard Dr. Bergman call my name from the doorway in the corner. Edward helped me to my feet before wishing me luck and kissing my cheek, promising he'd be waiting right there when I was finished. I followed Dr. Bergman back to her room, taking my seat on the same plushy chair that hadn't changed since that last time I had been there. She sat across from me in her old chair as well.

There wasn't much noticeably different about Dr. Bergman, either. There were a few more lines around her mouth and eyes and perhaps a couple strands of grey mixed in with her dark brown, bobbed hair. But other than that, it was as if she had been preserved. In fact, the whole scenario felt like déjà vu, a moment sliced out of my past and plopped right into my present. Well, all except Skanky-Whore Rotten Twat, that is. I missed June.

"Bella, I would love to say it's nice to see you again, but I feel under these circumstances it may be inappropriate."

I smiled back at the woman, appreciating her sincerity. She was always a very caring woman, and pivotal in my recovery after my mother's death. "Thank you, Dr. Bergman. It is nice to see you as well, although I do agree I wish it hadn't been this way."

She motioned with her arm up and down, indicating my body. "You're looking good. I see there have been some changes in your life."

I smirked at her observation. Obviously. "Well, I'm not a lost little high-schooler anymore, if that's what you are referring to."

"No, I guess you're not. Why don't you tell me a bit about where you're at in life right now, and then we'll discuss what's brought you here today."

"Well, I graduated from college last spring, and now I'm a fifth grade teacher. I'm living closer toward Seattle and am almost eight months pregnant. That's really about it."

She raised her eyebrow at me, but I knew it was a part of her method. We had perfected this dance several years before. I had never been one to volunteer too much information, mostly because I didn't want to give too much away. I'm a private person. Dr. Bergman understood this about me, but still pushed when needed. "So this past year has brought forth a few changes?"

I snorted; such simple words that felt so understated. "Um, yeah. I guess you could say that."

"So a baby? Are you excited?"

I nodded in agreement. "Yes, very excited."

"Bella, I'm trying to get a sense of why you are here. I know we will get to that, but I need to know what's going on in your life for you to all of a sudden need to see me again. You mentioned on the phone that the dreams have returned, but in order to understand why, we need to look at what's going on with you. Rather than play these cat and mouse games, why don't we just get right to it?"

"Okay. Where do you want me to start?"

"Why don't you tell me about the dream first?"

I nodded again before taking a deep breath. "They're pretty much the same every night. I start out running from this man, who I know is after me for some reason. But then it switches and he's got my baby, so I'm running after him. I can't ever find him, but eventually I come to a door. It's my mom's bathroom."

I stopped there, not ready to go on. Dr. Bergman looks up from her notes and stares at me expectantly, so I look away.

"I'm guessing the bathroom scene is similar to your previous dreams?"

I nod my head slowly in agreement. "Similar, but still different."

She paused for a moment, waiting for me to expand on my explanation. When it's obvious I'm not about to, she moves ahead for me. "Isabella, this was a dream. I know dreams can be quite terrifying, but we have worked through this before and you learned to control them. I'm not trying to push you, but if you want my help, you need to be more forthcoming."

After more moments of silence, she sighed. I knew this was all a part of her tactics. When I came here as a child, she had to assume a strong role of authority to get me to cooperate at times, so her playing the part of an exasperated parent wasn't anything unexpected now. "Alright, let's start with the man that is chasing you. Do you know this man, or is he a faceless character?"

"I know him. I had a doctor's appointment earlier this week and he filled in for my regular doctor."

"Did something happen during this doctor's appointment that would warrant his showing up in your dreams like this?"

"Well, nothing really happened, but it wasn't a comfortable experience, either. It left me unsettled, I suppose."

"What about the experience was unsettling?"

Wow, always going straight for the jugular. "Um, it was just unexpected, I guess. He didn't seem to be a very friendly doctor, and he wanted to do a vaginal examination, which I knew nothing about beforehand. I don't know - he seemed kind of rough, I suppose."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, not at all. Actually, I left before the exam could take place."

She looked up at me again from her notes, searching for clues from my body language that may not be so evident in my words. "You would tell someone if he had done something inappropriate, wouldn't you?"

I nodded my head but looked down. I was actually confused as to whether anything inappropriate had happened or not.

"Okay, then. Let's look at this dream more closely. Does he say anything to you while he's chasing you?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. Just my name, nothing of consequence."

"And when you realize he has the baby?"

"He tells me it's okay – that I can leave now."

"And why do you think he's telling you that?"

"I don't know. I think he believes I don't want the baby, so he's doing me a favor by taking him."

"Alright, this is progress. Do you think about what he says? Do you think about leaving?"

I looked back up to her in shock. How could she think that? "Of course not. All I want to do is find him, but James has taken him from me. I scream and yell, I run down every endless hallway and up the never ending staircase, but he's never there. I would never just leave."

"Good. Bella, it's okay to be upset. I'm not suggesting you would want to leave, but I want you to look more closely at the dream so we can figure out what about it has brought you here."

That's just it, I already knew what about it had brought me here, and I was terrified of getting to that point.

"Okay, so you are searching for him, and you come to your mom's bathroom door. Tell me about that. When you go inside, what is different from your past, and what's the same?"

"Well, it's all the same initially: the blood on the floor, the steam, the stench. She looks the same." I paused there, not ready to move on. I knew this would be hard, but it was proving to be more difficult than I had imagined it would be.

"Go on."

"She has him in the tub with her. She drowned him."

"Is this surprising to you?"

Dr. Bergman's question was unexpected. Why wouldn't it be surprising? "Yes. I mean, no, it's not surprising. I know he's mine, though. But then it changes."

"What happens, Bella?"

"It's not her in the tub anymore, it's me. And I'm the one calling out to my thirteen year old self standing in the doorway."

"So this is the departure in the dream?"

I nodded.

"How do you feel about being in the tub?"

I scrubbed my hands over my face; I really didn't want to do this. I was a monster, just like my mother, and this would only prove it.

"Bella, do you want to get through this?"

I nodded my head vigorously at her question – that was why I was here.

"Then we need to talk through this."

"I know. I know why I'm here and what I need to do."

"But you're afraid?"

"Of course I am!"

"What is it you're afraid of, Bella?"

"I don't want to be like her."

"And you think you are?"

"No. I never have before, but I don't know anymore."

"I'm going to ask you again, and this time I need you to answer. How do you feel when you are in her place in the tub?"

I started crying really hard now. "Happy, elated. Like I'm on the biggest fucking high of my life! Is that what you want to hear?" I wiped angrily at the tears streaming down my face, pissed at Dr. Bergman for making me admit that, and pissed at myself for having the fucking dream to begin with.

"If it's the truth, then yes, it's what I want to hear. Do you think that is what makes you like her? Do you believe still that she knew what she was doing?"

"Of course she knew what she was doing!"

"So you still blame her?" I wasn't even going to answer that, it was a stupid question that she already knew the answer to. "Bella, I know we've had this discussion before, that a dream is just that, a dream. You've been able to conquer your nightmares in the past. Why is this particular dream holding you back?"

"Because what if I am like her? That wasn't my mom. She would never do that, and yet she did. This entire year, nothing has made sense. It seems like every day something changes drastically, and I can't do anything to stop any of it. What if that was what it was like for my mom before she lost it?"

"Bella, you are not your mother. I'm going to ask you something one more time, and I want you to answer me straightforward and honestly. Did that doctor hurt you?"

"No, not really."

"Did he hurt you?"

"If you're asking if he sexually assaulted me, then no, he didn't."

"I'm not asking that. Did he hurt you?"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Alright. I think you do, but I'll let you think about it for now. Our time is almost up. I would like to see you again, sometime next week. I think there is a lot more that we need to get through to get to the bottom of this dream and why it's affecting you so strongly. Bella, I need you to believe you are not your mother. I know you're questioning things right now, but I believe some of the events in your life triggered this dream. But it does not mean you are going to be like her. Okay?"

I nodded again.

"Bella, are you married? I don't see a ring."

"No."

"Are you seeing someone?" She nodded her head to the door, indicating Edward out in the waiting room.

"It's complicated."

"But is he there for you?"

"Yes."

"And can you trust him?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then I would like for you to try confiding in him this week. Just sharing the burden with someone can often help ease your pain."

"How can I tell him that I was happy to kill our baby?" I was incredulous. How could she ask me to do such a thing?

"You don't want to do that. I know it, and so do you. He won't think that either. But you should tell him about the dreams. And if you haven't yet, maybe you could share some of your past with him as well."

I stared at her still in disbelief. I wasn't sure Edward was ready for that can of worms quite yet. Nobody knew about my past except my father and Jake. And neither one of them was ever stupid enough to bring it up to me.

"When do you think will be a good time for you to come back in next week? I'll go out and personally set the appointment up with Becka."

"Um, Friday, I guess. Probably around the same time." That should be good. The retreat was between here and Seattle, so we would still make it in time.

"Good, I'll see you then. And Bella, try talking to him. The more you let this out, the better you will feel. I promise."

I nodded one more time toward her before making my way back out into the waiting room. Edward stood immediately upon seeing me, tossing a magazine back onto the coffee table in front of him.

"Ready?" he asked me.

I held one finger up to him and turned to the receptionist, waiting to find out when the appointment would be next week. Dr. Bergman was already in talking to her. Edward brought me my coat and helped me slip it on while we waited. I leaned my head into his chest while we waited, letting his arms and scent comfort me. When Becka, aka Skank-Whore Rotten Twat, handed me the card informing me my next appointment was the following Friday at ten, I thanked Doctor Bergman and let Edward lead me out to the car.

Once on the road, he asked if I was hungry. I really wasn't, but figured he was probably starving so told him to stop whereever he wanted. All I wanted was a nap, so that's what I started out to do. Once we got out to the highway, he turned West rather than East.

"Edward, I think you took the wrong ramp. We should be going the other way to go home."

"We're not going home." I lifted my head from the headrest to look at him, some of my exhaustion lifting.

"Where are we going then?"

"To see your father."


	23. Chapter 23

For those of you who have been waiting for an update, you're not going to like this. I apologize, but as of right now I am putting this story on hiatus. The last couple of chapters have been really hard for me to write and I haven't been able to write anything worth keeping for well over a month now. This hasn't been an easy decision as 1) I feel like I am letting some of you down, 2) I hate it myself when writers do this, so to do it myself feels hypocritical and 3) I made a commitment that I am breaking. But what it comes down to is that I'm just not up to finishing the story right now, and adding the stress of responsibility I feel to all of you is not helping. Hopefully I will be able to come back to it and finish this soon. What I can say is that I have learned my lesson; I will not post a story unless it is already finished. Again, sorry.


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